Rough

Last week was.

There are several factors at play: an old school teacher, much more rigorous academics than I had anticipated (or think is developmentally appropriate), and then there is the OCD factor.

Any one of those things could create too much homework... all of them?... well it's created a nightmare.

Kid wants to go to school, she just likes to be in that setting around large groups of kids.

I think it makes it easier for her to socialize when it's A) consistent, as in every day and B) organized activities so you don't have to work as hard to interact.

Homeschooling went very well for us.  It was a great fit for us as a family.  It had amazing academic results for Kid, since her OCD doesn't flare up as much when she isn't anxious.  But homeschooling has never been the perfect social fit for her.

While there are numerous (more than numerous... overwhelming even) social opportunities and extracurricular classes for homeschoolers where we live.... if you have social anxiety seeing people once a week doesn't break that down.  Even if you went to one every single day (and we did) you don't get the constant presence of the same kids in your everyday life.  It's just different.  Kid knows that about herself.  If she is in school full time she has the best chance of having a GOOD time when she is with her classmates.  If the activity is once a week she doesn't have time to break through her anxiety and she isn't as comfortable and doesn't have as much fun.

Kid is amazing, in that at 9 years of age she completely understands herself.

So, last week she had 2.75 hours of homework on Tuesday, 1.5 hours on Wednesday, and 2.36 hours on Thursday (that's with me foraging one assignment and dictating another.... which I don't take lightly but I also think things had entered into a level of torture that was inappropriate).

Kid wants to go to school so badly that she'll do this.  She'll torture herself and sacrifice all down time, play dates, extracurriculars, and family time.

It's heartbreaking how badly she wants this.

This thing that is such a bad match for her learning style.

At some point we have to make a decision about what is in her best interest as a whole being.

It feels ironic that we want to say "You can't go to school, it's not a healthy choice"... about school... not eating junk food or riding your bike without a helmet or watching TV all day.

It's hard to hold your sobbing daughter on the couch while she accepts that this is too hard for her... not everyone else.... but her.

That she isn't like the other kids.

She can't have the one thing that she really wants.

"I can't learn that way."  Kid whispers out between sobs.

To make everything more convoluted is that she is still getting all As and Bs.  The work is NOT too hard for her. Which is partly why the teacher is not willing to make any long lasting accommodations for her. Even the Bs were 100% correct just not completed in the way the teacher expects (but had not issued clear directions for... trust me... I can't figure out the expectations)... which adds another layer of frustration when you spend 2 hours on your homework get all of the answers correct and still get your work marked down!  The problem is the amount of work being assigned and the level of independence expected of the students to manage that workload.  Kid just can't keep track of that much work and manage her time during her day... and I don't think it's even developmentally appropriate to expect that.

This week we're allowed to have her print all of her work at school and at home and see if this allows her to get more work accomplished at school.  The cursive has been a real OCD trigger and she'll often erase a word 3 times until it's all perfect and she's obsessed with writing it as small as she can (smaller than typed font) and she said she just can't let it go.  We've also been given a 1 hour homework time limit.  After an hour whatever she hasn't finished should be exempt from grading (I think).  So, we'll see how this week goes.  If it helps hopefully the teacher will be more open to letting us keep these changes.

Preach It Sister

"I'm starting to think I don't even want to go to that fucking school."  Kid says (somewhat sheepishly) over her homework.

I'm Not Sure

But I think 2 hours and 45 minutes of homework (5 subjects) is a bit much for a nine year old.

It's 7 PM and she's been doing homework (with a break for dinner) since she got home at 4 PM... and she's not done.

Improvements

After a rough couple of days today seems to have gone MUCH better... despite being hit in the face with a soccer ball (so I guess that's saying something).

Her teacher even praised her today in front of the whole class for her neatness (which we all know is next to cleanliness which is next to godliness).

After 3 days of hearing her call Kid "slow" at least 5 times during our 30 second conversations (each day people) (and, yes, in front of her... cause you know what will make her work faster?... disparaging her), the praise was an astonishing turn of events.

Kid also got an A+ on her math homework.  So she's somewhat redeemed after her B on yesterday's pretest.  (that was rough, peeps, homegirl does NOT like less than 100%... and, yes, I do know where she got that)

One of the big problems is that everything they do is done old school style.  There aren't any worksheets, all of their math work has to be copied out of the book and then solved... this takes a VERY long time (obviously).  Kid likes to do things very neatly and that takes effort not speed and then she runs out of time to finish things, misses the directions for the next thing... and it snow balls.  I'm happy to say that today she had managed to copy all of her assignments into her assignment book so that's an improvement.  A lot of the issues are just basic things based on how the classroom is run that she is unfamiliar with and that the teacher seems to assume she'll just pick up or are self-evident.  Unfortunately, if you don't explain that they have to copy their assignments down into their assignment book Kid isn't going to know to do that.  I'm not really sure what the teacher's tactic is here... I'm definitely frustrated because we had had what I thought was an understanding before school started... but I'm just going in the room with Kid after dismissal EVERY single day to double check that she wrote all the assignments down and that she has all of the stuff she needs to complete it.  Again, bringing home graph paper might be obvious to the other kids that have had to copy all of their work out of their books for years, but Kid (and I) aren't going to know that intuitively.  Add all that to the fact that Kid just isn't good at multi-tasking and it's a set up for a really bad time.  But today went better.  I've steered her toward some girls I think she should play with at recess and she has taken my advice and it's worked out well.

Here's hoping next week is even better, even though we'll be adding in our arch rival spelling into the mix!  Oh and one hour of homework a night (if you aren't slow... so 1.5-2 for you know who) for 4th grade!

Next Chapter

Tomorrow Axl and Debbie Gibson head off to their first day of school.

Done Deal

Mr F accept a new job

and

It's in Ann Arbor

so

We're staying

Win-Win

If we aren't moving then I can finally get my old Venetian chandelier installed (last seen 2 houses ago) instead of this beauty...

If we are moving it's still boxed up from our move in 2008...

(and, Yes, it's been there on the floor of the dining room blocking that door for ONE YEAR)

SAVING YOU MONEY... ALERT ALERT

Hey, hop on over to JCPenny ASAP.

Until the end of August all kids haircuts are FREE

and unbelievably all kids glasses are TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS!!!!!

What?!

Yes, it's 100% true.

All kids glasses (frames up to $120 and lenses) are $25 until Aug 31st.

I kind of hate that that is even cheaper than what I have to pay with our freaking vision insurance.

I don't know if this is a typical yearly special, but if so, I won't even get the insurance next year.

Full on craziness.

For $25 I'm getting Kid an extra pair just in case something happens to her's at school.

Also you might think about getting a cheap pair for wearing to the beach, amusement parks, etc.

For the love of god... they are only $25!

I'm just floored that this is even a real deal.

It is.

I swear it.

Updates

It's hard to even keep this current, so much crazy stuff happens every single day.

Mr F had 3 interviews last week (2 for 1 job, 1 for another).  Both seemed to go well.  One is to stay and one is to go.  It's very hard to know what the situation is, how many candidates are up for them, how soon they'll be through the process, and if he'll be left standing.  Some jobs are very clear about time frames and his position in the pool, other's not so much.  People can talk like he's one of one candidate.... when there could be 4 or 10... trying not to assume too much at this point.

Mr F revealed all the craziness related to his current supervisor to an upper management co-worker who is in the position to maybe help advise him on how to handle it and/or alert the boss if needed.  He basically said he wasn't surprised and felt really badly that everyone had kind of dropped the ball on that front and knew his supervisor is A) a bad designer that never had the credentials to get the job and no one but the boss wanted him hired B) is a terrible manager and communicator  C) the boss is clearly not going to fix that even if it drags the whole magazine down.  Weird.  It's very hard to even understand a situation where they are paying someone 2x what Mr F makes to do 15% of the work (badly), while Mr F does 60% yet has no content control so he can't head a redesign or keep the supervisor's shit out of the book, they know it and they won't fire him... even after hearing that he is also self promoting himself for another job with his staff's work. WTF?  The boss is a loose cannon who is out of touch with reality.  Case closed.

Remember when I thought this was going to be the year where I finally could have some time to myself?  Things would finally be stable, the girls would be in school, and I'd be able to make working out a daily priority?  Ha! What a joke.  I laugh about that pretty much every single day.  Then I cry when I look in the mirror (kidding... but... really I could).  Prolonged stress (tornado and now job/move) combined with age and it seems my metabolism is basically giving me the finger.

Mr F is still finishing up the exterior paint.  I think I've convinced him to take the trim color up over the blue... but he's waiting to see if we have to move before he tackles that.

I've spent some time inventorying the interior projects.  There are some things we can juggle (light fixtures, etc) to help stage it for selling without needing to invest too much.  And, hell, I'm going to order new stainless appliances now so I can at least enjoy them for a bit before we have to pass them on.  It takes me an HOUR to boil water, people... for the love of god... I could use a new stove!

I figured out that if we had rented this house for 2 years we would have spent 48K (ouch!  but true).  If we sell our house for exactly what we paid (which was under assessment at that time and a fair amount under now) even after our payments, realtor fees, closing costs, and 10K in improvements (which includes all new appliances) we'll be right at 48K out of pocket... so it's a wash and I won't stress over that.  The truth is we have now had about 50K in improvements (40K due to tornado) so it shouldn't be a stretch to sell this for a little bit over what we paid.  If we can't we will hold it as an investment and rent it (again 2K a month which is a fair amount over our house payment).  Because who the hell knows?!  We could be back here again (It's happened before).

The girls start school in 8 days!  They have both had home visits from their teachers, which went well, and was a really nice gesture.  It reinforced our feelings about this being a good choice for them.  I'll be really sad if we have to pull them out.  I've got all of their uniforms and school supplies and we are all set.  They even made me take them out to buy crosses... they wear them every day... it's hilarious how into it they are.  The only major bummer (outside of not having them around) is that I have to make lunches again (war criminals should have to make lunches for picky kids... they'll break after the first week).

In other fronts, my stone farmhouse is still listed!  The dream continues.

Mom, the summer kitchen could be your guest house it appears to have electricity... how much per month is that worth to you ;)
 

I've also figured out how to homeschool there... which... is a priority until we know where we should settle (if we settle).  There are about one thousand school districts and it's very confusing... it's pretty unlikely that we can find a rental in an area where we would want to buy later on or that would be in the same school even if we did.  Except that stoney which they are open to selling (but who knows if it's in our price range... unlikely).  Either way this time WE ARE NOT BUYING!  We plan to rent for at least one year while we figure out if it's a long term move or not, and where we'd like to live.  In the meantime we'll homeschool (virtual charter to meet state req) and not mess the kids up with changing schools more times than absolutely necessary.  This also gives us the perfect opportunity to try country living pretty risk free and see if it suits us or not.

Respite

Things are going to move slower than we initially thought.  Now we have time to get the house in order (without being under duress) and won't feel as much pressure to make a rash decision (always good).  We'd really like the time to make the best decision.

It feels like such a relief... like I have been holding my breath for 3 weeks straight.

I mean trying to juggle this stuff and the start of a new school and all the uncertainties with both has been intense.

There is also still a chance (maybe 2) that we might stay, which would obviously get the kids' vote.  And maybe mine, too, since I haven't had a great track record of loving my life in other places.  And to be honest, as things move closer to that reality... I do get a little panicked about it.  You know, Asheville was some ROUGH times for me.  And I'm not sure I've grown out of that.  Although twice as much money could help the medicine go down (just sayin').

The more I investigate other areas and housing options, the more I realize how much I love my house... we really can't find anything that compares (price, size, location) to ours.  Although the stone farmhouse is still available.... and the summer kitchen?... holy cuteness batman.  And the gorgeous barn?... holy potential rodents (the only downside I have come up with so far... and that's a serious potential downside).

Columbo

"I need to change my underwear!" Baby hollers from the bathroom.

"How did that happen?"  Mrs F calls back.

"Well, apparently there is some poop in it."  Baby returns.

Good News (and lots of work)

The weather finally turned. It's been strange late fall weather, but I'm enjoying it.  It also feels somewhat melancholy and I wonder if it's the last time I'll feel this weather here.

Mr F continues to paint the house.  Good god, all the trim and screened-in porch is taking forever.  And I just told him that the blue has to go.  He's thrilled.  I reminded him that we knew all along if we were selling the house we'd have to change the blue to a neutral... he said "yeah, but I'd thought the paint would have had a chance to dry first."  It's definitely frustrating.  Of course, we didn't think we'd be selling our house a month later.  Seriously, never saw this coming.  Fortunately the blue peaks are the fastest to paint and if we stick with the trim color (which I freaking LOVE) it should only take one coat to cover it up since it's equally as dark.  Unfortunately, he still needs to paint the guest room (which the tornado contractors rebuilt the wall of and only painted that ONE wall), and the kitchen ceiling (tornado water damage) and the dining room ceiling (we changed the location of the light so there is a big patch there, and the kitchen walls (not much).  All of these inside projects were on our list pre-tornado they just got pushed back.  So he kind of wants to kill himself.  All of his evenings and weekends are spent painting (for pretty much the last 2 months) and he's got plenty to go.  And now there is the time crunch.

Mr F has a couple of 1st interviews coming up this week.  Yay!  Thank god, since truthfully all this bullshit has started to beat him down and that starts to erode the old self esteem.  I'm so happy that he's getting this interest.  One big job contacted him the same day they received his application... and it's a big deal... so that level of interest is a huge boost.  Of course we've been down this road a few times and know it has it's ups and downs and a first interview is not the same as an offer... but I'm just incredibly grateful he got that recognition.  It actually made me cry a little with relief.  Both of these jobs would be starting in about a month... so it'll be an extremely fast process.... which made me hyperventilate a little.

I've been looking at houses online and have found my dream house: early american stone farmhouse with 10 acres, barn & summer kitchen and the best part is it's a RENTAL (with option to buy).  Yes, selling 3 houses in 4 years kind of gets old and I'm not looking to go through it again in another 2 years!  Fortunately for us we have happened to buy uniquely nice houses in desirable neighborhoods so I'm really feeling optimistic that 3rd time's the charm and we can sell this house, too.  If not, we know we can rent it for a fair amount above our house payments, so that's a definite option considering we plan to rent if we move.  So I'm not as panicked as I was in NC, since we can move with Mr F if we're renting.  Unlike our move here when he took a paycut... any new salary would be enough to cover both payments.

The only wrinkle is that the girls' new school starts in 2 weeks.  Of course, the year I decide to stop homeschooling and send them to school is the year when homeschooling would be best!  But the girls are so excited and ready to go, and truthfully, if we're selling it would be extremely helpful to have them out of the house during the day.  And if Mr F moves ahead of us, I think it will be good to have that kind of structure and stability while we're here.  We'll see.  The great news is that we don't have a contract with the school, so we can take them out without penalty.

And, yes, the girls know everything that is going on.  They are doing surprisingly well with it.  Of course, they don't want to move, but they can understand (well, Kid can) the position Mr F is in and that it isn't right or fair to have him stay there.  Baby hasn't lived in any one place for more than 23 months... so... this is par for the course for her, anyway.  I'm playing a kind of game with them, where we think about all of the kinds of places we've never lived as a family (at the sea, on a lake, in the woods, on a farm, in a city) and look for those kind of cities, towns, houses.  We circle furniture for them in magazines and pretend to furnish them.  It's empowering them (and me) to embrace the change and see the potential.  And, I have to say, it's working.  It's much easier to let this house/life go when there is something coming up that you are looking forward to.

And, just so you know, I'm really looking forward to a stone farmhouse.  

Life Lessons

If you accept less than you are worth... People will start to treat you like that is all you are worth.

Don't work 60- 80 hours a week for people who promise you things... work 60- 80 hours a week for people who actually deliver.

Better yet, don't except a job at a temporary title and pay demotion... pretty soon it's 2 years later and you are being told you haven't *earned* a promotion by your supervisor (to the title you were originally hired for and preform the duties of) despite never having a poor performance review and being told repeatedly that you are "irreplaceable".

If your boss calls you at home and says they are giving you a substantial raise... Don't get mad when 8 weeks later you still haven't received it and then are told there really wasn't a raise to offer... that will only get you blacklisted for any further promotions or raises.  In fact you'll be told that all promotions and raises will now go through your direct supervisor (see above).

Also if you find out that very same supervisor is stealing your creative content for his own personal gain... Despite the fact that it is both illegal and an ethical violation of your supervisory relationship, don't expect HR to back you on that.  

The End.

The Moment You Realize...

Those aren't muddy paw prints all over your house.

I'd Be Speechless If That Was Possible

Things are SO CRAZY around here.

My insomnia is kicked up into full gear and I try and rehash all of the stuff with Mr F and practice a ton of different potential conversations he might have the next day... EVERY NIGHT

(he 100% loves this)

(especially at 2 AM)

I don't know how he can remain so calm and contained.

This stuff is so crazy, that if I could talk about it... your mind would EXPLODE.

Every week I go into therapy and I sit down and I say....

"You are not going to believe what has happened."

EVERY WEEK, PEOPLE... and I'm not even exaggerating.

The twists and turns in the last 2+ months has been nothing short of schizophrenic and there is no way to predict how it's going to end.

NO WAY... we've tried... but it is serious loose cannon time over there.

Which of course creates and anxiety in many forms.... since we're dealing with some very irrational and unpredictable people right now.

And things are factually WRONG.

We've nearly divorced ourselves from any hope that things will be righted, which kind of makes it easier.

Now we can kind of take some pleasure in the pure entertainment value of seeing what happens when the bomb is dropped.

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?!!

And I just want to say, I feel for Mr F.  He has given his all, his time, his talents, HIS PATIENCE, in a situation that hasn't come close to our expectations.  Even knowing that he never gives less than his best for them.  I don't know how he holds it together every day, dealing with this bs... along with the disappointment of not getting his dream job... along with the stress of a new job search... along with trying to paint the house... and just the overwhelming pressure of all of that as our sole breadwinner.  I feel badly and guilty that this portion pretty much falls on his shoulders.  But I'm also trying to rest up since the next bit (showing a house, moving, single parenting until things get lined up) will fall on mine.

Well

Time to put my money where my mouth is.

Not sure what is going to happen, or when.

I kind of want to vomit.

But I'm also kind of excited about ...

who knows?... possibilities?...

just a real earnest belief that there are risks worth taking.

I really believe it.

Goings On

Big things are churning in the background.

I said to Mr F last night, while we were out surveying our weeds and new driveway.... "Imagine if we hand't been hit by the tornado?  This has taken up all of our time for months."  And to think, this could just be a normal summer night and we'd have nothing pressing.  But instead there is ALWAYS house and yard stuff we have to keep working on as we try and get things repaired and finished.  It has really never ended since it began in early March.  Now we're trying to grow the new grass seed in a drought, and finish the house painting and grade the hill.  So many small things you'd like to do in a normal year have been left to wither on the sidelines of this whole thing which occupies all of our down time.  Like getting a light fixture in our dining room instead of the bare bulb that has been hanging there... an intermediate solution Mr F put in the week before the tornado hit.

And we're not even sure we'll be here next year to enjoy it.

Although, we really hope we are.

We are trying to move forward, each day, like we are staying.

But we've been through this a couple times before, and once the ball gets rolling, it's VERY difficult to pretend you don't know things are changing.

And the kids are older, and you can't hide the tension and the preparations... even the very small early steps.

Who knew that being an Art Director's wife would be like being an Army wife moving every 2-3 years?  I guess I knew.  We made the choice 7 or so years ago, to put his career first... after spending 7 years putting our family first (me first).  He's too good at what he does to squander it for my behalf.   I'm happier being married to someone that is fulfilled.  I already have everything I wanted.

Each move has had the hope and promise of being the last, but I always knew.  There is a limited amount of time to reach for this and I won't stand in that way.  And I won't sit by and let him sacrifice it either.  It means too much to a creative person to be able to create.  It's different.  It took a while for me to understand that.  But I do.

And as hard as moving might be, I want my kids to see that life is about trying.  You can't limit your life because you are afraid of what might come next.  Good and bad things will happen if you stay or if you go.  But respecting and encouraging someone's passion and gifts will always bring more happiness to your life.

No one ever showed me that, demonstrated that in their life choices to me.  I don't think anyone ever showed Mr F that either.  I'm excited to see what kind of life my girls will create for themselves having been raised in such a different environment.  Where there is real belief in people and possibilities, and risk and sacrifice that is not held against it but put behind it.

And I sometimes wonder what kind of life or person I would be if I had had that.

What I might have become.

But then I think maybe it's more of a gift to be able to give it.

Transformations

BEFORE:

AFTER:

READY FOR JESUS:

And, yes, I know... Kid's legs are suddenly like telephone poles!  Hopefully they won't get any longer or her uniforms won't meet the required length.  Maybe there is a tall girl exception?

I'm On A Roll

We Might Need To Reframe What Constitutes A Major Issue

"I have a major issue with my pinkie."  Kid says, rushing into the kitchen.

"What is it?"  I ask, concerned.

"A bug bite."  Kid replies.