Misheard Lyrics.... Kid Addition

At the girls' school they sing a lot of crazy praise songs.  When I was there for Family Day I was shocked to hear them sing a Christian parody of "We Will Rock You" by Queen.  That just seemed wrong on so many different levels.  And, yet, it was also totally awesome.  But still wrong.  Wrong wrong.

Anyway, this morning Kid and I were reflecting on how wrong it was, and we looked up the praise version to figure out how they changed "big disgrace":

(To the tune of "We Will Rock You")

Jesus was a cool dude,
40 days with no food,
Then he wrote the golden rule and that's O.K.
He's got love on his face,
Full of grace!
He's spreadin' his word all over the place!
Singin', We will, we will
Praise him yeah, praise him WOO (2x)


"Full of grace!"  

Kid started laughing and revealed she'd been chanting out...

"He lives in Space!"every time they sang it.

Which was especially funny.

We had some people warn us fervently that the school would indoctrinate our children.  

I really wasn't worried about it.

#1 We're talking about Lutherans not Nazis.

#2 It's clearly too late.

#3 You can't indoctrinate kids who are already being indoctrinated. (see below)



Which brings me to...

In terms of non-Christian Christian interpretations how wrong is it that in order to help Kid memorize her 7th and 8th Commandment and meanings, as defined by her teacher,I gave her some sinful acronyms?  That's what I thought. I mean if it's alright to change the lyrics to "We Will Rock You" to suit your purposes I think there is room for a little creativity on my part.  With that in mind, for "betray him, slander him, or hurt his reputation"  I suggested a simple "BSH" or "bullshit hell".  The second, for "defend him, speak well of him, and explain everything in the kindest way."  I suggested "DSE" or "Dad sucks eggs".  People, I know my child, and this was a very titillating prospect for her.  She was able to get a 100% while at the same time inwardly defying the system.  I call that a success.  Am I raising her up right, or what?!  

Peeping Tom

Two Roads Diverged In A Wood

and I,

I took the one that went straight to a McDonald's hot apple pie.

Ha ha ha ha.... Life is So Funny... (plus updated house pictures)

So, as per the norm, just when I think I'm ready to move forward in one direction

something come up and hobbles me:

Or I should say hobbles her, which in turn hobbles me.

Last Wednesday Kid tripped and fell (hard) during gym.  She tried to catch herself and the force of the impact broke her radius.  That girl is so insanely stoic, though, that it was hard to figure that out right away.  The ER splinted it and said that's all she'd need.  We wouldn't even have to go to the Ortho clinic if we didn't want to.  Hmm... not so sure about that advice.  They made a follow-up in three weeks with the clinic "just in case" and said we could just cancel it if everything seemed fine.  The Orthopedic clinic called the next morning and said she needed to come in for a hard cast on Tuesday.  They did not agree with the ER.  While a cast is certainly more of an inconvenience, I'd rather not worry all the time that the splint isn't on properly, or hard enough to really protect her if she hits it at school.  Without a hard cast she's pretty limited in what she can do.

This morning we got up extra early to account for having to dress her.  And I'm going to hit Value World to see if I can't find a cardigan and a coat I can cut the arm off of.  This is one instance where the uniform is a bigger hinderance than it is a help.  Now Mr F will unpack her bag in the morning and I'll get there early to pack her up.  It is her left arm (and she's right handed) but she's not the most coordinated with the use of both of her limbs!  She'll have to sit out of gym and I'm hoping her teacher will let her work on her homework during that time which would be a huge bonus.

In other news, this accident trumped our weekend plans to head to Chicago.  Boo.  And cost us just as much.  Double Boo.

Mr F used the extra time to paint our dining room ceiling in preparation for hanging our chandelier.  It's going to happen, people!  Maybe even before 2013!  He also weatherstripped our doors (why we went through 2 winters with 1/2" gaps blowing cold air in I do not know... I did request it 2 years ago), installed my new programmable thermostat (which has been sitting in the bag for 1 year), new coat hooks (which I love... so I can move some of the 1 million coats off of the coat rack and the kids can actually reach to put their coats and bags away)...

(the door and trim are white... so keep that in mind when you assess our wall color... it is not mustard yellow, I swear, kind of a wheat color.  The hooks are a camel color with red and blue designs from Cost Plus World Market and were $7 each.  I got some green ones for the laundry room.)

See, look not mustard AT ALL:

I told you I wasn't lying.

He also made some serious ground finishing up our exterior paint...

BEFORE:

Note our house had pinky beige aluminum siding, light aqua trim (wtf?!), off white doors and soffits, hunter green accents (window frames, gutters, railings, etc.), and black (with dark bluish tint) shingles on the roof.

 Thanks to the tornado...

We now have HardieBoard plank siding which we have painted a dark indigo (risky!).  All of the trim, gutters and soffits are painted a bronze color (kind of brownish/gray depending on light).  The walk railings are now a deep dark chocolate brown and our doors are a russet color.  Our shingles are Weathered Wood by Timberline... so much better, I promise you.  I think now that everything has come together it looks really great.  Such an improvement over the original house colors!  It only took a EF3 and  7 months to get here ;)

Window boxes scheduled to make their arrival on the scene sometime in spring of 2013!

(awesome terracotta urn style rain barrels are from overstock.com)

I took care of Kid.  Wrote out her book report for her, taught her this week's memory (5th &6th commandments), and did her Science test review with her. I planted 70 spring bulbs, went grocery shopping (and actually put them away!), fed the crew, made curtains for the laundry room, and made these cool Christmas Trees from catalogs:

(surprisingly fast and easy!  Just fold the page in at a right angle toward the seam.  Then fold that page again making a tight paper airplane like fold back into the seam.  Fold the bottom up to be flush with the bottom of the catalog.  Repeat 100 times.)

Mr F and I finally finished the first four seasons of Breaking Bad.  I have mixed feelings about that show, although it picked up a bit at the end.

Kid and I watched Wives & Daughters on Netflix late into the night while we waited for her pain medicine to kick in.  I have only good feelings about that series.

And the girls and I (mostly the girls) have been watching The Road to Avonlea (from the library) and are loving it. It's like everything you remember Little House On The Prairie being until you watch an old LHOTP and you can't imagine how something so obviously filmed on a sound stage and not accurate to the books was so successful.   The Road to Avonlea has 20 more years of TV making know how on its side and it shows.

So, all in all, we used our time wisely.

Back to That

Right before the tornado hit we had just started working towards developing an adoption plan.

The tornado put everything on hold in that regard, since we've been physically, emotionally, and financially caught up in tornado repairs EVER SINCE (even still).

But that gave us time to think.

We'd thought through every possible direction and changed our minds several times.

And had ended in what we thought would be best.

Which was adopting out of foster care.

Much like having to wait on painting my kitchen has made me realize HOW MUCH BETTER grey would be then blue (whew... we can thank the tornado for slowing that project down enough to prevent that huge mistake)...

I also came to realize that I'd really like to raise up another baby. (two)

And I don't think I could do that and fear losing them back to the system, not at this stage of my life and my children's lives.

And I don't think I can even do that and be dealing with the system all the time.

Which is not to say I'm over the idea of fostering for us in the future... I just don't think it's a good fit for us right now.

We have some house things to shore up.  We need to make sure we aren't going to have a surprise financial drain once we're in the process.

And we need to wait a bit since Mr F's new job has a 4K adoption benefit, but it doesn't kick in until one year of employment... and I need to know more about all of that.

But seeing as I'm not growing out of my desire to add more children to our family, and Mr F has a mad crush on all babies (so it took all of 5 minutes to get him onboard), and Kid has 5 armpit hairs in her right pit ... I'm ready.

I just think we're good parents and that there are so many children out there in need.  And I'm never getting over that.  Never.  I also don't aspire to being done with this stage of my life.  I don't really think there is a "next" we're moving towards.  What is the point of being done?  The "We're almost out of that stage" or the "Things are just getting easier" mentality doesn't really make sense to me (for me).  I kind of think this is where it is at and there isn't something I'd rather be doing.  Fortunately, Mr F usually agrees.

We are going to pursue an African American infant adoption, for which there is great need.

Most people here abouts have recommended using Bethany for this.  Feel free to chime in.  I'm worried about a faster time line (6 months?) and since we NEED to use the work benefits I think we'll have to wait until late spring to start the process.

Let's all hope the adoption tax credit gets renewed for 2013!

"This movie is really trying to hurt my feelings...

and it's succeeding."  I announced to Mr F while watching Biutfiul.

A movie we've had sitting on the counter mocking us for a few weeks while we tried to gear up for it's level of depression.  It can be hard to get too excited about something that is going to rip your soul out.

Later, Mr F said "Don't worry, I'm never going to die in the bed lying next to our children."

And I said, "I'm never going to go insane and become a slut and beat our kids."

Then we wiped out tears and went to bed.

Things I Wish Would Go Away

Wherein My Favorite Child Is Revealed

"If someone said

their mom was

just a stay-at-home mom

 I would say

'My mom

is not

just

a stay-at-home mom.'"

Kid announced at dinner.

I Had Quite A Run Going

For a minute I thought I had figured out how to fit blogging back into my daily(ish) life.

I guess not.

#1  We are right in the midst of peak fall foliage around here.  It makes my commute so much more bearable.




#2  This week Mr F got some kind of a stomach bug.  He's been sleeping in Kid's guest bed all week to try and keep it to himself.  Let's be real, the last thing I need during my commute 2 hours a day is to have diarrhea.  So far my plan has worked.



#3  So, when Baby had a nightmare sometime in the wee hours of Tuesday, I just pulled back the covers and she got in.

Well, no, first I said "Do you have to go potty?"
She said "No."
We went to sleep.
I woke up to a cold wet bed.  :(

Baby has only had one other accident in her life and it was Mr F's fault because he forgot to take her to the bathroom before bed.  It's weird that I even asked her, I've never done that before... it must have been a psychic premonition.  I should have obviously listened to myself more.

It's been 3 days and my mattress isn't completely dry.


I can't believe after all the years of co-sleeping and nursing babies and toddlers that this is THE FIRST TIME anyone has wet my bed!  Of course, on a normal night she would have been snuggled back to sleep in her own bed, which has a pee protector pad (not for pee mind you but for the inevitable stomach flu).  So, anyway, I've been dealing with that nightmare all week.  Including the use of the shopvac... which did seem to help dry deeper into the pillowtop.

Baby's secret plan worked because I've been bunking with her all week.

#4  Mr F has also had closing week at his new job.  There have been late nights (not as late as before, but after bedtime)... so the honeymoon is over.  He also ran into the old douche supervisor at Potbelly's.  I wish I could have been there to experience that awkward meet up.  Or not because I still want to maim him.

#5 Kid has had mostly good days at school but one ultra rough night.  I think it's the 2 steps forward one gigantic step back syndrome.  Things are definitely going better and I think, right now, the plan is to stick it out the entire year.  I don't think we'll return next year, but I do think it will be easiest for her emotionally not to leave mid-year.  Sticking it out through the whole year will allow us to make the best most informed decision about what to do next year.  I'm definitely more at ease knowing she is doing so well academically.  Did I tell you that their GPA is calculated DAILY?  Yes.  She's got 6 As and 2 B+s (as of today)... so, you know, it could be a hell of a lot worse.  And I have to say it really validates my teaching over the last two years!   We brought her up from the bottom of her class academically in 2nd grade public school (and 1st and K to be honest) to the top of her class at a very academically rigorous school.  It's a kind of ironic twist that it took sending her to school to validate the homeschooling.  But there you have it.  Seeing how well she can do, even under extraordinary stress, is eye opening.  We originally took her out of school because she was falling so behind that the teacher didn't believe she was capable... and we weren't sure what we'd find at home.  We knew she was smart but were open to academics being a road that might not demonstrate that intelligence in a direct way.  At home, I quickly saw her progress but had nothing to compare it to.  Now, I am extremely encouraged.  She was just a late academic bloomer (you know sometimes Steiner is right) and if I hadn't taken her out she would have never had the chance to skip ahead the way she has.  And if I hadn't put her in this school I might never have recognized how much she can handle and what she might be able to achieve academically.  So there's that.

#6  Baby started gymnastics this week.

She is IN LOVE.  This is a sport made for her.  Even more than dance.  Did I tell you she was asked to join the competitive dance team?  We had decided to wait until next year. Now I'm really glad we did because this might be where it is at.  And Lord knows you can't be doing competitive dance and gymnastics.  Unless you are homeschooling ;)

#7  Those of you not on Facebook missed this beauty:


Kid's covert spy notes taken during our Monday night dinner out.

#8 Halloween Sneak Peak:

The Good News

Kid has had all smiley faces on our emotions chart all week (so far).  This despite having had 3 major review tests already.  She also has a 3.62 GPA.  (no bell curve either).  So, all in all, that's pretty great considering that she has test anxiety and doesn't understand what the hell the teacher is saying half of the time.

Not so coincidentally she has befriended the Korean exchange students (have you heard of this?  I find this kind of disturbing... and by 'kind of' I mean 'very'... Korean families send their elementary aged children to the US to go to school and live with host families.  Our school is a very popular choice for this and about 15% of the school population are Korean exchange students)  Anyway, the point is that Kid has become tight with the Korean girls partly because none of them know what the hell is going on and so they can just wander around lost together. I just think about how hard this is for us and my heartbreaks for these little kids who are away from their families and siblings many of them just learning English.

How long this respite from overwhelming school stress will last no one can guess... but for this week it's been a welcome reprieve.

Oh Goody Another Long Boring Post (You're Welcome)

There are a few specific things I miss about not having TV service... Food Network and House Hunters International!  Damn, I miss the opportunity to veg out hardcore while watching people get all riled up that their potential Berlin apartment doesn't have a kitchen in it.

Today is weirdly foggy and disturbingly warm and I have an ever worsening cold and I'm still tired from that crazy Cathe workout I did on Monday (seriously, I thought I was on the verge of cardiac arrest...SERIOUSLY) and I'd love me a long House Hunters International marathon.

Instead I'll regale you with the minutia of my ongoings:

Yesterday, after waxing poetically (or not) about Mr F's new job... he came home late.  Ha Ha!  Joke's on me!  I was irrationally pissed.  It's a long trying day in Casa Furious now that the kids are in school...  I have a tremendous amount of balls in the air at once.  (I know this confounds me, too)  I just assumed having 3 hours sans kids would equal getting MORE done not LESS.  I was wrong.  (Veteran moms are laughing everywhere)  Not only is there all the morning routine hullaballo which had me (literally) monitoring all four burners this morning (hot breakfasts and lunch... that's how I roll) while cutting up strawberries and making Mr F's coffee and packing Kid's lunch and doing Baby's hair and locating 6 plastic spoons for her to bring to school.  You get the picture.  It's an hour long after school special on the dangers of multi-tasking.  Mr F said one day he could handle it and I could sleep and I laughed and laughed and laughed.  And laughed.

Anyway, back to how I have less time.  Believe it.  While I've theoretically gained the 3 hours Baby is at school I've also lost 2 hours commuting.  Add to that the fact that we are prisoners to Kid's homework every single afternoon from the time we arrive home until we set the table for dinner (most of which involves me actively participating) and now I've lost 5 hours a day.  I try and workout in the morning and get one chore done and then it's time to pick up Baby.  We get home have lunch and either attend her extra curriculars or run errands (or most days both) and then we go back and get Kid.  Then it's homework, dinner, showers, book reading with the girls, Mr F and I usually try to watch a show, then I take a sleeping pill and go to bed.  It's glamorous.  All the books I pick up for myself at the library sit in a stack unread.  This is not what I imagined it would be like... and I tried to set really low expectations.

I'm still cooking.  I made chicken noodle soup last night.  I'm making Kid's lunches.  One day, maybe soon, I'll get back to posting all of that stuff again.  We're almost done with our CSA (praise God!) and I can go back to actually planning our meals and not throwing out 90 pounds of rotted kohlrabi and kale every week.  I've had a love hate thing going on with the CSA and as the weeks drag on it's more hate hate.  Ironically we've eaten out more than we have ever since having the CSA because more often than not I just can't face dealing with it at dinner time.  I spent way too many hot summer afternoons cutting up vegetables no one even particularly liked for 2 hours in order to make some kind of meal out of them no one really wanted to eat.  I wish I was exaggerating.  It was a grueling job and after 20 weeks I am ready to quit.  Next year?... farmer's market.  The End.

We've done a few things to try and make our life a bit more bearable during the school week.  Most of them are food related.  On Mondays you will find us at Red Brick Kitchen & Bar making the most of both 1/2 price appetizers and free kids meals.  If you ever want to run into us, you know where to find us.  6 PM.  The food is great (really good) and the kids meals are huge and top notch.  We always end up taking half of everyone's dinner home for lunch the next day (win-win... and combined with the free kids meals makes this an affordable choice).  Mondays are usually rough with a lot of homework and this gives us something to look forward to.  Plus it's nice to have the concentrated family dinner conversation time that just doesn't always happen at home when there are dishes and such to get started on.  We also like to cap off the week with a Friday night family date to Culver's.  Culver's is the bomb.  We don't even eat the ice cream.  Pot Roast sandwich... I'm coming for you.... Friday 6 PM.  Again you know where to find us.  They have amazing root beer.  The point of this is that I only have 3 nights I have to juggle homework and dinner at the same time.  This is the most we've ever gone out to eat in YEARS, but life is a challenge right now and dinner doesn't have to be ;)

Okay, Jillian I'm coming for you...

Things That Are Going Down

A) Mr F's new job is 100 billion times better.  People are actually qualified and passionate about their jobs = refreshing change.  Added bonus: all of the people Mr F works with directly have kids.  This is a life changer.  He's been home at dinner time every single day.  Now I know how the other half lives and let me tell you it's a lot better.  It boggles the mind that he had to work 2x as many hours with a bigger department at the other place.  WTF?  I'm so glad we got out of there before it gave us both heart attacks. Also, if I had to go through all of this school stress with Mr F working his old hours (aka never home... ever.... ever) I wouldn't have been able to handle it.


B) Mr F and I are working our way through Breaking Bad on Netflix.  I don't love it.  It's fine... I think it's incredibly slow moving and it doesn't have that pull that other series have had (Lost, FNL, Justified) where Mr F and I can't stop watching the episodes back to back.  We need another one like that, any suggestions (must be dvd or Netflix as we have no TV service).


C) I was making great strides (Ha!) working out in the AM after the kids went to school.  Then last week the school stress just got unbearable and I started going to back to sleep after sending them off for another hour or two.  I don't know what it is but extreme stress shuts me down and I am INCREDIBLY sleepy.  I used to be like that during finals in college.  Also, I was just burning it at both ends.  I have to get up a couple of hours earlier to get everyone ready for school and then I don't actually go to bed a couple of hours earlier.  Plus I'm driving so many hours a day... it's really mentally fatiguing (seriously it is).  Well, anyway, now we have mice in the basement and I can't workout until Mr F secures the perimeter.  I'm am going to try and do ye olde Cathe in the living room.  If I get motivated... hopefully soon.

D) We found mice in the basement.  WTF, cats?!

Get your lazy asses up and get on that shit.


E) Kid has 4 tests this week.  Pray for us.  I am now keeping a daily emotions calendar and charting how she feels about school before, after, and during homework.  I'm hoping sometime before the next tuition payment is due we'll have a clear pattern we can go off of.  She said if she could choose again she'd choose to homeschool, but now that she is there it's very hard for her to quit.  I get it.  I'm hoping that by charting it, I'll be able to make the best decision possible for her.  If after 60 days the negative feelings dominate then I think we should pull her out.


F) Despite living in the safest area we've ever lived in, we just installed a home security system.  For those of you that already have one this will seem like no big deal, I'm sure.  For us, this is ground breaking!  We've always kind of felt like if someone was going to break-in they were going to break-in and you might as well leave your door unlocked than have them smash out the glass of your antique door.  You know?  But then we were hit by the tornado and I have a very different feeling about how much stress and trauma I want to live through and feel much more comfortable being proactive.  There has been a huge increase in break-ins in our county and even extending into our little village... the beauty of our house is that it is set way back on a heavily foliaged acre lot... which is also the negative in this circumstance.  Better safe than sorry.  We've got this baby rigged up tight!  It seems a little overboard, but as I said, I'd much rather be in that situation than the other.  One of Mr F's coworkers, at his old job, had their house ransacked while she was at work... when he saw how devastating and traumatizing it was he was on board lickety split.  We got our system from SimpliSafe and I have to say, I'm loving it.  It was very easy to install and use and I love having the key fob... really does make it as easy to use as a car alarm.

E) The weather decided to abruptly match the change in season.  We've had the heat on the past two days (and trust me I really try to prolong that as much as possible since I'm crazy about our heating bill) and we're back to hot coffee.  This kind of weather really makes me miss Asheville.  I loved the sound and smell of the heat coming off of the radiators in the morning... I had the perfect spot to drink my coffee right next to a big radiator and my windows looking out at our gorgeous maple tree lined street.  Fall was definitely the best season there.  Of course, now we have THIS at the end of our street... so I'm not complaining ;)

And Then The Worst Happened

Sorry This Has Taken Over...

the blog and my entire life (waking and sleeping... which is hardly ever).

Last night I heard Kid screaming and wailing in her bed.  It was so unusual that I thought Baby must have been having a weird tantrum with Mr F about going to bed (not as unusual).

After awhile Kid came out and said she's done, she wants to drop out of school.

I don't know why I'm conflicted, I guess I don't like to quit things either.

Or I don't like to have to confront the teacher and principal and say I'm removing her (ding ding ding).

On the one hand she is doing more (and better) than I ever thought possible.

On the other hand I told her last night ...

"I think you might have a learning disability"

and she said "Oh, I've always thought I had a disability."

And I said "What do you mean?"

And she said "I don't know." (of course).

And then I pressed her because I really do need to know what she means and what she thinks.

She said "I have always thought that."

"For how long?"

"Ever since I was ever in school."

"But in what ways?"

"I take much longer than everyone else to do things and I never understand what I'm supposed to do."

Which for a minute just try and imagine what that feels like every single day.

And after reflecting on everything I know about her school history and with working with her at home... I think that that pretty much sums it up.

I put her in this school because she got a perfect score on the entrance exam and so I thought "good, it won't be too hard for her!"

BUT the entrance exam was given one on one, and when she didn't understand the directions the principal EXPLAINED them to her.  (which is what I've been able to do for her at home).

Without that crucial piece in the puzzle, as hard as it is to understand, she does not understand written instructions.  BELIEVE me... I cannot tell you how many times I would get extremely frustrated with her while homeschooling that she hadn't followed directions correctly (that I thought were pretty self explanatory).  I always chalked it up to her not bothering to read them or pay attention.  It never occurred to me that someone who can read and comprehend 6 grades above her level could not read and comprehend 2 part directions.  It seems crazy... but I now think that is the crux of it.

Well, anyway, I am torn between get her tested and seeing the recommendations and seeing if the school will implement.  And taking her out and just implementing them myself.  I worry that we have gotten an extremely stubborn teacher who is going to dismiss that this is even a possible disorder.  I'd really hate to force Kid to suffer through however many months it will take to get a diagnosis and then possibly not get the desired result from the teacher anyway.

But I also want to say how impressed I am with Kid.  She has really risen to a very difficult challenge.  She had to learn all of the books of the Old Testament and she did it (on top of homework mind you!) in 3 freaking days!  She also has been getting A+s on her math homework and spelling tests.  When she understands the directions she is clearly at the top of her class.  BUT the work they do in class she is often getting 50-75% correct and when I review it, it is ALWAYS because she didn't follow the directions not because of a lack of comprehension on the topic.  Unfortunately, she has a teacher that seeing something done incorrectly does not explain the directions and give you a chance to correct it... she marks them all wrong and that is the end of it.  In my gut I don't think this is a teacher that is going to work with us... I think she is a teacher that we would have to live through.

And for the record I don't really believe in that.

I've Been Doing A Lot Of Research

I'm pretty sure we've been dealing with some sort of GT/LD.  It all makes sense in retrospect.  I had been attributing a lot of her school deficits to the OCD/anxiety when now I think it is probably just a processing disorder.  All of her issues fit this.  Extremely poor memory, difficulty writing out thoughts despite high comprehension, inability to break down multistep directions, etc.

Obviously, I was able to circumvent a lot of this at home.  I have just read through all of the proposed modifications and it was like "yep, yep, yep...".  Dictating or reducing written assignments, having directions broken down into one step processes, having math problems presented one at a time, have directions written and spoken and repeated back, etc.  I had just naturally done those things as I learned how we could be most effective at home.  I cared about comprehension and she has always been able to demonstrate that.  Her very high reading level, comprehension of complex advanced subject matter, very advanced sense of humor... yet lack of ability to manage time, follow directions (or understand them), slow writing and extreme frustration/lack of ability to express herself through writing, poor memory (I've mentioned this with spelling/math facts), etc all fits this GT/LD.  Our psychologist believes that Kid's issues are so subtle a school district test will probably not pick up what her processing issue is.  We're going to look into getting a thorough outside neuro-psych (although she noted those can be too detailed and I know some of you understand that implication).  I'm not sure what will happen after that.  I don't think this school can accommodate (or will, or is the best place to) everything she really needs in order to be successful.  So many simple things could be done, like emailing me the assignments, etc... that just aren't happening.  Even my going in after school to copy the board assignments and double checking that she did all of that REALLY irritates the teacher.  This woman really believes in a sink or swim mentality that is only going to result in failure.

I'm pretty sure we're in the worst possible school placement for this type of disorder.

I also think having an answer will be very validating and uplifting to Kid.

Then we'll see.  Obviously, with that we could make better informed choices as we move forward.

Rough

Last week was.

There are several factors at play: an old school teacher, much more rigorous academics than I had anticipated (or think is developmentally appropriate), and then there is the OCD factor.

Any one of those things could create too much homework... all of them?... well it's created a nightmare.

Kid wants to go to school, she just likes to be in that setting around large groups of kids.

I think it makes it easier for her to socialize when it's A) consistent, as in every day and B) organized activities so you don't have to work as hard to interact.

Homeschooling went very well for us.  It was a great fit for us as a family.  It had amazing academic results for Kid, since her OCD doesn't flare up as much when she isn't anxious.  But homeschooling has never been the perfect social fit for her.

While there are numerous (more than numerous... overwhelming even) social opportunities and extracurricular classes for homeschoolers where we live.... if you have social anxiety seeing people once a week doesn't break that down.  Even if you went to one every single day (and we did) you don't get the constant presence of the same kids in your everyday life.  It's just different.  Kid knows that about herself.  If she is in school full time she has the best chance of having a GOOD time when she is with her classmates.  If the activity is once a week she doesn't have time to break through her anxiety and she isn't as comfortable and doesn't have as much fun.

Kid is amazing, in that at 9 years of age she completely understands herself.

So, last week she had 2.75 hours of homework on Tuesday, 1.5 hours on Wednesday, and 2.36 hours on Thursday (that's with me foraging one assignment and dictating another.... which I don't take lightly but I also think things had entered into a level of torture that was inappropriate).

Kid wants to go to school so badly that she'll do this.  She'll torture herself and sacrifice all down time, play dates, extracurriculars, and family time.

It's heartbreaking how badly she wants this.

This thing that is such a bad match for her learning style.

At some point we have to make a decision about what is in her best interest as a whole being.

It feels ironic that we want to say "You can't go to school, it's not a healthy choice"... about school... not eating junk food or riding your bike without a helmet or watching TV all day.

It's hard to hold your sobbing daughter on the couch while she accepts that this is too hard for her... not everyone else.... but her.

That she isn't like the other kids.

She can't have the one thing that she really wants.

"I can't learn that way."  Kid whispers out between sobs.

To make everything more convoluted is that she is still getting all As and Bs.  The work is NOT too hard for her. Which is partly why the teacher is not willing to make any long lasting accommodations for her. Even the Bs were 100% correct just not completed in the way the teacher expects (but had not issued clear directions for... trust me... I can't figure out the expectations)... which adds another layer of frustration when you spend 2 hours on your homework get all of the answers correct and still get your work marked down!  The problem is the amount of work being assigned and the level of independence expected of the students to manage that workload.  Kid just can't keep track of that much work and manage her time during her day... and I don't think it's even developmentally appropriate to expect that.

This week we're allowed to have her print all of her work at school and at home and see if this allows her to get more work accomplished at school.  The cursive has been a real OCD trigger and she'll often erase a word 3 times until it's all perfect and she's obsessed with writing it as small as she can (smaller than typed font) and she said she just can't let it go.  We've also been given a 1 hour homework time limit.  After an hour whatever she hasn't finished should be exempt from grading (I think).  So, we'll see how this week goes.  If it helps hopefully the teacher will be more open to letting us keep these changes.

Preach It Sister

"I'm starting to think I don't even want to go to that fucking school."  Kid says (somewhat sheepishly) over her homework.

I'm Not Sure

But I think 2 hours and 45 minutes of homework (5 subjects) is a bit much for a nine year old.

It's 7 PM and she's been doing homework (with a break for dinner) since she got home at 4 PM... and she's not done.

Improvements

After a rough couple of days today seems to have gone MUCH better... despite being hit in the face with a soccer ball (so I guess that's saying something).

Her teacher even praised her today in front of the whole class for her neatness (which we all know is next to cleanliness which is next to godliness).

After 3 days of hearing her call Kid "slow" at least 5 times during our 30 second conversations (each day people) (and, yes, in front of her... cause you know what will make her work faster?... disparaging her), the praise was an astonishing turn of events.

Kid also got an A+ on her math homework.  So she's somewhat redeemed after her B on yesterday's pretest.  (that was rough, peeps, homegirl does NOT like less than 100%... and, yes, I do know where she got that)

One of the big problems is that everything they do is done old school style.  There aren't any worksheets, all of their math work has to be copied out of the book and then solved... this takes a VERY long time (obviously).  Kid likes to do things very neatly and that takes effort not speed and then she runs out of time to finish things, misses the directions for the next thing... and it snow balls.  I'm happy to say that today she had managed to copy all of her assignments into her assignment book so that's an improvement.  A lot of the issues are just basic things based on how the classroom is run that she is unfamiliar with and that the teacher seems to assume she'll just pick up or are self-evident.  Unfortunately, if you don't explain that they have to copy their assignments down into their assignment book Kid isn't going to know to do that.  I'm not really sure what the teacher's tactic is here... I'm definitely frustrated because we had had what I thought was an understanding before school started... but I'm just going in the room with Kid after dismissal EVERY single day to double check that she wrote all the assignments down and that she has all of the stuff she needs to complete it.  Again, bringing home graph paper might be obvious to the other kids that have had to copy all of their work out of their books for years, but Kid (and I) aren't going to know that intuitively.  Add all that to the fact that Kid just isn't good at multi-tasking and it's a set up for a really bad time.  But today went better.  I've steered her toward some girls I think she should play with at recess and she has taken my advice and it's worked out well.

Here's hoping next week is even better, even though we'll be adding in our arch rival spelling into the mix!  Oh and one hour of homework a night (if you aren't slow... so 1.5-2 for you know who) for 4th grade!

Next Chapter

Tomorrow Axl and Debbie Gibson head off to their first day of school.