Oh No She Didn't... No, Seriously, She Didn't

Yesterday I had to run an errand at the mall with Baby.

Anytime we enter a public bathroom Baby mistakes the awesome acoustics for an echo chamber and begins yelling over and over again at the top of her lungs...

"Echo! Echo! Echo!..."

Which means I need to do my business in under a second and get us the hell out of there.

This time when I walked out of the bathroom she continued to shout "Echo!" startling the security guard who was standing right outside the bathroom door (why was he standing there anyway?)

Then we turned the corner and headed toward the shops and she was still sitting in her stroller screaming out "Echo!"

I just try to smile.

I cannot for the life of me get her to understand that hearing herself repeat echo is not actually an echo.

An elderly couple walks up and the woman stops, gently touches my arm, and says...

"What is she saying?"

"She's saying 'Echo'. " I reply.

"Oh. I thought she was saying 'Asshole'." The old woman says with a mischievous smile.

My jaw nearly dislocated as it hit the floor.

Which left me wondering which would actually have been more shocking...

A three year old saying "Asshole" or a ninety-three year old?

My vote is with ninety-three year old.

Because let me tell you that is not what I was expecting to hear come out of her mouth.

Ahh... That Feels Better

Before:

After:

Loving these new storage bins(I have the small & medium sizes). Significantly smaller in profile and more stackable than the shoebox size lidded containers. Also perfectly clear so the kids can see exactly which bin is which. And easier to open and close! I'll be getting more for my sewing things ASAP.

Sorry Peeps

I must check out for awhile.
I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I'm terrified of making another mistake.
Lots of major decisions are being made and there is a lot to do and process.
(I'm also feeling censored.)
Maybe I'll make some videos... but for now I just need to move my life forward.
I should also start cleaning off my desk.
We finally ordered a rug for our office (online... who the hell knows what it is actually going to look like?!)
And some clothes for myself that fit (so glad I finally did that).
I'm feeling like I've been letting a lot of things I can't control control me.
I've been so caught up in the things I can't do that I have stopped doing the things I can.
Which has only been making me feel guilty on top of everything else.

I've Been Wondering

Why my shoulder blades feel like they were run over (and over) by a truck.

Then I remembered...

I got to chip ice and shovel the sidewalk.

Today I got to babysit and go grocery shopping.

True Stories

"Alright, I need you to do what we talked about last week and do more than the minimum I ask you to do." Mrs F directs toward Mr F.

"Yup." Mr F replies.

"I know you just walked in the door, but I haven't even had the luxury of walking out the door today." Mrs F clarifies.

"Yes you did." Kid pipes up.

"You got to go out and shovel the sidewalk." She continues.

"That's true... and it was awesome." Mrs F retorts.

You aren't cool enough to hang with her.

The Cake

white cake filled with fresh strawberries and covered in traditional vanilla buttercream
and YES those are gigantic heart Peeps

Three... It's The Magic Number

Baby stayed up late enough, due to an ill timed nap, to actually ring in her birthday. She celebrated by opening her gift from Sweetie & Popi. A Dolphin Pillow Pet! People if you haven't fallen for the Pillow Pet commercials you are missing out! Pillow Pets are the bomb. They are fantastic. Super duper soft and cute. Totally worth the $19.99! 



This morning Baby opened her new number shirt from The Cougar (from Chasing Fireflies if you need one of your very own). She gave Baby one last year and it has been one of her favorite things to wear (outside of pjs... and check out those adorable men's style pjs people!) so when she called to ask for an idea I knew just what to tell her.... a number 3 shirt (too bad Baby is convinced she is 4) This is another fun, useful, while still being *special* gift I recommend for kids... while they are still young enough to be proud of their age.
While the kids fought over the pillow pet I hopped to in the kitchen.  
Around the Furious house we try to keep things simple but festive.  Here's her little face when she walked in and saw the decorations...

Trader Joe's Chocolate Croissants for breakfast... a gift we could all enjoy.


I'm off to make a big pink cake covered in Valentine's Day candy... more to come...

This Time We Were Prepared

Which means that this time I headed out to the grocery store and stocked up on completely unnecessary ready to eat junk foods. You know... just in case... we lost power and heat and we didn't have any Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits to see us through it. I don't know what came over me. Some kind of mindmeld from all the other paranoia filled Southerners crowding the aisles and cramming their carts with ridiculous amounts of non-perishables. I left there with nothing but MSG laden snack food and managed to blow an entire week's grocery budget on it.

What A Difference A Day Makes

Everything I wrote yesterday is true.

But for every truth there is another truth that I didn't write.

This decision was not easy. Nor was it black and white. Every side has risks... real... serious... risks.

Today I don't feel calm and assured.

Today I feel duped into martyrdom.

Today I feel like an animal headed for slaughter.

Eyes crazy.

Bucking against the tethers.

Scared.

Lost.

Forsaken.

Have I banked too much on Mr F's happiness and personal fulfillment and not enough on my own?

Sit Down

(especially you Mom)

I don't even know how to fully explain everything that has happened, our thought process, and ultimately our decision... or even considering some of my readership if I should. Not all of it makes sense or is what I would have predicted we would do even a week ago. But having made our decision both Mr F and I feel that it was the RIGHT decision.


Two weeks ago Mr F was offered (finally) the job back in Ann Arbor.

And

WE'RE TURNING IT DOWN.

In my heart of hearts I have long felt that this job would not be as personally fulfilling to Mr F, even if it was more acclaimed (it is), paid better (it doesn't...corporate cuts abound wherever we go it seems), and allowed for us to have a better social support system.

This job has a set subject matter... that will never change... and on some level there would be, over the course of a career, a certain level of redundancy for him.

This job would not be a better fit for him. Yes it would offer more long term financial benefits, more recognition and acclaim, but I don't believe it will offer him the same creative stimulation (long term... and moving there for this would be a FINAL move and a long term commitment).

Mr F would give that up for me. But, you know, as much as I don't like living in Asheville and don't see us here long term... Mr F gave that up to move to Michigan for me once before. AND WE WEREN'T HAPPIER.

Mr F and I aren't the same. I get creative and personal fulfillment from a lot of places in my life. I have about 100 careers I could enjoy doing. Mr F has a more specified interest. He is really gifted at and focused on and fulfilled by his job . Even if he's had pay cut after pay cut he is still happier here than he was in Michigan because his current job offers him diverse material, a fast pace, and creative control.

And that matters to me. Not in some altruistic fashion... but because living with someone who has no outlet for their passion makes them angry, resentful, and miserable. Not that he was a total asshole (on purpose) but we suffered for it more than he was aware of. And his constant bottling up of those feelings led to CONSTANT passive aggressive acting out... that I DID NOT ENJOY living with. And the reality is that's not fun for me. That is not something I want to go back to. I don't think that is a fair trade.

So at the end of the day I'm less unhappy here (now... there has been an adjustment) than I think he was there.

That does not mean we're here forever. The situation has not improved for us financially and most likely won't anytime soon. Things are hard and money is tight. But I think we need to be very careful not to throw ourselves out of the pot and into the fire. It's easy when you feel you aren't getting the proper compensation for your labor (he's not) to want to take the first thing that comes along. Especially when it's an easy choice... going someplace we know... not starting over (believe me that would be EASIEST). What it means is taking this one day at a time and being sure that a new situation meets ALL of our needs and not get caught up in a fantasy.

And just making that decision. Choosing to stay here, in this job, made it all seem more bearable. Before we had felt so beaten down by everything that has been done to us that it was hard to think of anything else. Now we can both look at this as a choice that we're making.

So thanks to the other job for the offer without it we wouldn't have had the opportunity to chose to stay. Before we were just stuck.

And Another One

Kid is throwing up.

Goody.





Serious updates to come.

For real. We've made a decision. And it's shocking.

And Another One

I'm down for the count.
I haven't been this sick with a cold/flu type illness since we've moved here.
Thankfully I don't have to watch any kids today (except Baby who is hobbled by her own sickness).
Tomorrow, though, I have a full house... including maniacal two year old and loudest baby in the world.
I'm praying for a miracle cure to take place in the next 19 hours.

Another One Bites The Dust

I was up ALL night with this one...

And when I say ALL night I really mean it. I'm not one of those people that means I was up once or twice. Literally no sleep was had. Which just meant I was able to pin point the exact moment (3:23 AM) that my throat started to close up and feel like I had just swallowed fire in a Polynesian pre-dinner performance.

Other things in my life are starting to eat me alive from the inside out (not having any sleep is not helping in this department). I wish I could be more forthcoming because the details are fairly dramatic and our thought process in navigating all of this would be of some interest.

Things have just gotten more complex and we need to choose for ourselves.

I keep being pointed to "Choose Happiness". Everywhere I go this phrase keeps popping up. And you know sometimes I like to get all metaphysical on your ass.

Things we know:

#1 We can live on a lot less money than we would ever have thought possible.

#2 Mr F is happiest when he is creatively stimulated at work.

#3 Mr F is even happier when his badassness is validated at work.

#4 I want to kill Mr F less when he is happier.

#5 Mr F helps me more when he feels sorry for me.


Things we don't know:

#1 What our exact financial threshold is that allows us to crossover from stressed to comfortable.

#2 If financial stress is worth it if other stress is decreased.

#3 What to do.

False Alarm

Thank God.

I don't know what to make of that since I've been more stressed over the past couple years than this month. But there you have it. Not pregs.

Hopefully I'll lose 5 pounds today ;)

Twilight Zone

We just dropped into a bottomless pit of complete confusion. Every door out looks the same and not a single one of them has any guarantees.

#1 I have EVERY SINGLE symptom of pregnancy (yes every single one)... except Mr F is sterile and I don't have a lover. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!!! It turns out vasectomies can naturally reverse themselves (believe it). I've taken two pregnancy tests and they were both negative. I mean seriously? I need this right now like I need a kick in the head.

#2 The job situation just got a lot more complicated. I cannot get into it here, or now. It's basically up to us to decide what we want and what that is worth and what kind of risks and sacrifices we're willing to make. It's not simple. Whatever we do is a gamble at this point. Why is this happening this way? It's really a tough situation for us to pick through and we have to either jump or not and deal with the consequences of either decision. Make sense? No? It doesn't to us either.


So, long story short, I've been a bit preoccupied going to the bathroom 50 times a day for the last 8 days, checking to see if I've gotten my period, to write a menu plan.

Watched Seven Pounds Last Night

Oh Yeah Feel Free to Post Your Bitch Fest Friday Here... but first weigh in on the pants

This is what I looked like today. And Last Friday thru Sunday if you want the truth. I like to think in person the shirt looks a lot more nautical and a lot less psychedelic... but... I'm not pretending it's flattering.

Yes I know... horizontal stripes. $7. That's all I can say about that. And it's crazy soft. Oh and I do have a gorgeous coat... so... no one really sees it.

Here is my $15 makeover courtesy of my closet and a new pair of pants I found at Marshall's.

Here is the issue.. just like the pants above they are petites. Do we think they are too short? They did not have them in regular length...which would have been too long and required tailoring which kind of negates the whole affordability factor. Obviously I have to wear them with flats, that's fine. The other issue is the wide leg cut. I'm not typically a fan since it adds weight I don't have. And being short that is a factor. But at Marshall's beggars can't be choosers. In the end I think... does it look better than yoga pants? Cause they are only $15 and I actually will wear them around the house. So I'm thinking I should keep them.

I'm Going To Miss This

This coming home from school and putting on a crown before sitting down to do homework. This age that is both older but unselfconsciously true to itself. Knowledgeable but still magical.

Fashion Emergency