Put A Fork In It

Yesterday Kid's teacher shamed her during her spelling test.

She said something to the effect of...

"You have to start doing your tests faster. In the older grades, if you aren't done on time, they mark all of your answers wrong."

Um... okay.

Number one, I've gone through quite a bit of schooling myself and have never found that to be true.

Number two, SHE HAS TEST ANXIETY, and I'm pretty sure that didn't help.

Thanks for making this an even bigger issue.

So it came as no surprise that in the end she got 30% wrong because she was so nervous.

She messed up words she knew with 100% confidence at home.

This is just not the right teacher, not the right setting, and not the right curriculum for her.

Despite the teacher making comments all year to her, do you think she has ever once contacted us to talk about Kid's timing issues?

No.

She picks her apart in the classroom without doing anything to help her succeed.

The fact that, unlike all of the other kids in the class, Kid has never taken a test, nor needed to spell correctly before this year has never been considered. Frankly, she is doing pretty well considering the drastic change in curriculum.

I have gone in after school FOUR TIMES this month asking for her to please send Kid's desk work home at night so we could get it done, instead of letting it pile up and overwhelm her.

Has she?

No.

When I was in the classroom two weeks ago, the teacher actually said to the kids "You know what to do... multitask."

What?!

No wonder Kid is having a hard to time getting her desk work done.

This is second grade.

But like I said, despite going in and asking her to send work home because falling behind was stressing Kid out, to which she responded "Oh yeah, she does seem to get worried."***, I'd like to point out that the teacher HAS NEVER once contacted us to say Kid has difficulty completing her work. All of the work that comes home has stickers and smile faces. The only reason I know about it is because the pile of unfinished work makes Kid so upset she tells me about it.

Conferences are on Monday. How much do you want to bet she doesn't mention anything about Kid's difficulties?





*** which is a serious problem in and of itself, since I told her that Kid has an anxiety disorder BEFORE school even started.


.

Sorry

Yesterday turned into a rather bad day.

Kid and I got into it over spelling.

I was not/am not proud of my own behavior.

She can push my buttons.

But, my reaction was beneath me.

I know better.

And, I should have done better.

I apologized.

We hugged.

We ate some pumpkin gingerbread.

But, you can't take away what you have said.

And, so, I'm still not over it.

She told me...

"Mom, when you see me tantruming, than you might want to change your tone."

I laughed, and said...

"It's not always that easy. When you hear my tone, you might want to stop tantruming."

She laughed.

Which was generous of her.

Because, she was right in the first place.




Once I came upon some woman's wisdom, somewhere out on the internets. The gist of what she wrote, or the part I took away because it rang so true, was that when your children are the most repulsive to you, that is when they need you the most. It has proven a very hard standard to live up to. One I fail at more times than I'd like. But something that I think is important to reach for. Yesterday I failed. Today I'm hoping to do better.

Things I Don't Like About Getting Older

The fact that it takes my face well over an hour to wake up in the morning.

Quick Updates

Kid is home sick today.


40 days until Christmas. What?! We still have our Halloween decorations up. Time to take those babies down, I guess.


We had a great weekend. Spent time with family. Mr F and I even had a dinner out (without our Klingons). I literally can't remember the last time we went out without them (for real).


Finally switched out our god awful hall lights (turns out they only had 25 Watt bulbs in them... which explains the cave like darkness) for some new ones. Two small school house style and a small chandelier* for the entry way.(All three lights were $140 total) Golden boobs we are coming for you next.


I reupholstered our headboard last week. Came out great. $12 total. Now we just need to paint over the pepto walls so that it doesn't look like a clash-o-rama in there.


Candy cane Hershey's kisses are back. Yo!


Got in 5 - 60 min cardio workouts last week. Feels good. Shooting for a repeat. Of course, sick kids won't help me on that front.


Kid has a 1st Trimester spelling review on Friday. 40 words. Already had one tantrum (not counting the one I had when I found out). Pray for us...


*this house is getting a more feminine touch if you haven't noticed. Mr F got the last house.

So Apparently...

Saying you need to see a therapist is a conversation killer.

ha!

Oh well. There is no shame in my game.

I did get in touch with her and we can catch up in two weeks. Which times out to be after Kid's conference, so I'll be able to paint the most thorough picture I can of the situation. Side bonus, she frequently works in the Ann Arbor public schools, so she'll know if what is going on with Kid's teacher is par for the course or just plain wiggity whack. I'll really appreciate getting that insight as we move forward. She was also invaluable to me last year when I needed some help assessing Kid's OCD ticks, so I'll be looking forward to her guidance in that arena as well.




On to other things....

I just love our yard! Our house is set up into a hill, so that from every window you see tree tops. It is so uplifting to look out at all those trees every day. From our big family room, which is lined with windows on three sides, you feel like you are sitting in a tree house. 


(bad pictures, but that's just the view I have from our kitchen counter... and it still kicks ass)

Look even Mr F thinks so... I just looked up and saw him walking along our roof. If our yard is good enough background for one of his fancy car photos... I guess that's saying something.

(He's got some kind of Audi convertible today, if you are wondering. I can't tell if it's that 180K one or not ... yes for real... isn't that completely insane?)

And it's such a nice confirmation of our move.  Honestly, people, there has not been one moment of regret.  Even with the whole school debacle, this was the right move, at the right time, to the right place.

The entire time we were in West Asheville our surroundings really depressed me. As a stay at home mother, what I can see from my windows has a profound effect on my spirits. I spent a lot of time bemoaning the abandoned gas stations, the non-stop out of control barking dogs, and the general shitty-ness of our old neighborhood (especially considering the price!). Sometimes I wondered if I was making it up... could it really be that bad? Yes, my friends, yes it was. There is not a single part of our town that bears any resemblance to that, not even on the "other side of the tracks". When we walk around, it charms me and cheers me up. Your environment really does matter. And, hell... at just about half the price... we're feeling very lucky indeed.

So that's my take away house hunting tip for you. How nice your house is matters, of course... but most of that you can fix and improve upon if you want to. What you have to look at matters too... and most of that will be outside of your control. Take some time to look out of the windows before you buy! A super charming house will still suck your soul out if you have to look at your neighbors garbage every morning from the kitchen sink. I gained a new perspective on that this time around. We saw a beautiful, big, stone craftsman, and it was hard to not want to love that house... but... I really paid attention to what was out the windows... and it wasn't pretty... and it wasn't going to change anytime soon. So we moved on. And I'm glad we did.

That Explains A Lot

I noticed something interesting this morning.

I think it's a key to what has been going on for me lately.

Try as I might to get myself on track, I just have not had the motivation to workout.

Which is very different than my usual self determination.

I am really not one to sit and live with a problem.

I am by nature a problem solver.



#1 Last week Kid had a pretty good week at school.
Socially things started to turn around.
Hooray.
So, academically, I still have my questions (serious ones)... but we can live through that.


#2 Last weekend I worked out for the first time since living here.
Then I worked out EVERY SINGLE MORNING since then.
I felt like I was suddenly back to the old me.


#3 At the breakfast table Kid told me about being reprimanded for day dreaming. Then she revealed that she isn't allowed to take snack time if she isn't done with her "morning work"... then has to eat snack during recess... thereby destroying what social success she has made, since she can't play with the other kids.

#4 Kid goes to school, and instead of gearing up to workout, I decide I need a rest day.

#5 Recognize a familiar feeling.

#6 Realize that ALL ALONG the stress I'm feeling about Kid's school situation is what has been keeping me from working out. It has been sucking my soul out and draining all my energy... leaving me... not depressed... but well drained... and stressed. And I only have so much energy to expend outside of regular daily activities... and if I feel I need to be dealing/worried about Kid and what to do next... that pretty much uses it up. And I just do not have the energy to worry about Kid 24/7 and also workout.* I just don't. I'm not a superhuman.

#7 Call my old therapist to get myself back in her schedule... since I clearly need a safe place to let this stuff out. I need a place where I can work on my feelings, and sort out what feelings are my old injuries, and what are justified in this situation. I need help assessing my motivations and keeping them in check with what is best for Kid. I need help making a smart, viable plan for how to fix what is going on. Sometimes you need an outside person to reflect your feelings off of. This is one of those times.

#8 Immediately feel like working out.


*Which is saying a lot about how much stress I am under. Even during the intense seizure watch times, during our house selling in Asheville... I still worked out. This is different. This time I don't *know* what the right answer is... and it's killing me. I second guess myself and my motivations and the school and Kid EVERY SINGLE DAY... multiple times a day. This isn't a cut and dry situation with a clear solution.

It's Over

We finished LOST last night.

We pretty much cried continuously for an hour and half, muttering...

"What does it mean? What does it mean?!"*

And I'm still processing what the hell it means.

I mean I get the obvious... but...

Why did Penny & Juliet get to be there?!

What does it mean?!!! What does it mean?






*Special nod to SuperDad for introducing me to that, now, commonly used Furious household phrase.

Same Story, Different Year

The time change is kicking my ass.

You'd think gaining an hour would negate the wonkiness of the change... but... no.

I didn't actually gain an hour. I was just awake an hour longer.

And, sure, I appreciate that the sun is on the verge of rising when we get up (for now).... but.... the darkness that sets in an hour earlier in the evening?!... not a fan.

Not a fan.

Saturday

After a long week of work Mr F came home a bit early on Friday(4 PM... shocking!) and we all curled up on the couch and watched this gorgeous remake of Heidi on Netflix.  We loved it.  Mr F and I cried.  (For what it is worth we cry nightly during Lost).

(Seriously, who doesn't love Max Von Sydow?).

This morning we got up and out early to catch the free movie showing of Ramona & Beezus at our local movie theater.  I had been both excited and nervous about this movie.  We love, love, love the entire book series, but I worried that the way they had interpreted and combined story lines would piss me off.  Um... needless worry, outside of John Corbett being John Corbett...  I LOVED IT.  Mr F and I cried.... a lot... even after the movie.  (see previous disclaimer).  

Now, the kids are hiding in leaves while Mr F tries to rake them. 

It's very very scary (as you can see.  Baby's fake fur trim is just terrifying.

I'm inside where it isn't 30 degrees working on this...

Yep, that is how lame we are.

That's it.  We're in that sweet spot between holidays, when we can actually just relax and enjoy our weekend together.  It's rare, and fleeting, but it's making for a good, good, time.  

Belated Birthday

This beauty turned 8 on HALLOWEEN 

EIGHT!  

Unbelievable.

I love her more than ever.  Really, I do.  I think she is totally awesome.  

I'm trying to lure her into being my best friend by teaching her sexy cheers for her spelling words.  

I think it's working.

You should come over at 5 PM on school nights.  It is hilarious.

I could go on and on about how much she means to me.  

She knows (which I consider a great parenting accomplishment... I didn't grow up knowing that in the unquestioning deep way that she does).

Last night I said...

"Do you think anyone loves their kids as much as I do?"  

"Nope." She answered confidently.  

"Why don't they?"  She inquired.  

"Because the level of love I feel for you would kill most people."  I replied.   

7:55 AM

"What are you doing?" Mrs F asks.

"What?" Baby returns defensively.

"I'm just carving a pumpkin in my mouth." She continues.



(please excuse the mostly lame picture oriented posts of late... this is Mr F's closing week at work again... and... well... that means me+kids for 16 hours straight every day which = tired, very, very tired)

We Knew This Day Was Coming

One reason we bought this house is because of the huge yard and abundant mature trees.
What we didn't know is that all of our trees would be late leafers and plot against us in dropping a majority of their leaves in about a one week span of time. Last week's massive wind storms certainly helped them along.

This isn't even all of the yard...




You know what I'll be doing today.

Somehow I don't think this little lady will be much help...


Update:
2 hours
5 huge tarp-fuls of leaves dragged all the way around the house and down the hill... with the added weight of Baby in the mix!
And all I've done is *mostly* clear the area around the deck...


In my defense some of the leaves in this area were more than a foot deep!

Please note the amount of leaves versus that house... that is a lot of leaves!

Let Me Just Say

We got our kittens 2 months ago.

And, by now, we could have bought Kid that horse she *really* wanted.

Nasty

unbelievably

the other goddamn cat (I say that with love)

is shedding tapeworm segments

yummy

Self Competency... AKA $75 Service Call My Ass

So one of the annoying things that the movers damaged is our dryer...

They put something on top of it.

If we hadn't paid a ton for full coverage we'd just be sitting here slightly annoyed.

Since we did, we of course want this baby fixed.

Along with our dining room table, side table, and as piddly as it sounds... our stainless garbage can (I will note that I would never have made a big deal about that personally... Mr F did).

Well, despite paying more than the total amount it would cost to fix everything for the insurance, the moving company is taking their sweet old time repairing everything.

The other day a furniture repair guy showed up and took pictures and took our tables... but... he doesn't know how to fix the dryer. He suggested I call an appliance repairman to come out and give us an estimate.

Well, I could do that.

Or, thanks to the internet, I could figure out how to repair it my damn self.


Done (it's amazing how motivating NOT having to call repair people... my own strange form of social anxiety... can be).

Now I just need the moving company to pony up for the price of the part.

This One Is For Reesa... AKA Mr F Mocks His Daughter

Highbrow Halloween

This costume, sadly, went over everyone's head. They had to have a costume inspired by a book. The teacher actually took the book and leafed through it... like she had never seen it before. Hmm...


Lowbrow...

And If I Can Do That... What A Gift It Will Be

#1 I read this, and it pretty much summed up my feelings on homeschooling.


#2 Dark green carpet may not show dirt... but... it shows EVERYTHING else.


#3 I went into the school to talk to Kid's teacher. I asked her how Kid was doing socially. She said "Fine". When I told her she was actually having a hard time adjusting, blah, blah, blah, and that there were some mean kids, etc., the teacher responded with....

"Well, we all have our hardships."

(FYI, that was not an acceptable response.)

I also had to bear the heartbreaking disappointment of seeing that the kids' desk were all prepped for the next morning with their stacks of worksheets. I know we get about 10 home everyday... but... I didn't know it was this bad. I wouldn't wish a boring non-stop paperwork job on an adult... I certainly am not going to sit back and resign a year of my child's life to that. REALLY. This is the actual learning style of that classroom. They walk in, sit down, and work on worksheets ALL DAY. It's raining... no recess you say?... no problem... they don't have free play... they have FUN WORKSHEETS to do in their desks. SERIOUSLY. These kids are SEVEN YEARS OLD.

So yeah...

#4 Kid is coming out of that school before Christmas. That I can goddamn guarantee you.


I talked with Kid about some choices. I talked to her about another private school. "They don't have any worksheets there." I said. She was excited, then said slightly concerned, "What about fun worksheets, like coloring ones?" "Honey, at this school you can draw whatever you want." She had a huge smile.


I may not know what we're going to do next. And I may not know how it will be. But I do know it will be better than what she's doing now.

As I said to Kid, while walking home from school....

"There is a difference between being *happy* and not being *sad*.



We can't control everything. We can't protect our children from all hardships. God knows, we know that.

But, you can choose to change the things within your control.

You can choose happiness, when happiness is a choice.

And if I can teach my children anything.

It's that.

Bewitching

Spelling Lesson

I let Kid stay home from school again today. I just thought she was tired and needed to sleep and just let today be an *easy* day emotionally. (Plus, I was really tired from staying up late watching Lost...just kidding).

When she woke up (2 hours after she would have had to get up for school), I told her we would do a practice homeschool day.

We started with the assignment her teacher had emailed me. Then we went on to practice her spelling words.

When we introduce new spelling words I usually give it in the context of a sentence.

So when I told her "kicked", I followed it with...

"I accidentally kicked you in the head." (As if that isn't what came to your mind first, too)

Then Kid said...

"Which actually happens all the time at school."

"Except... it isn't an accident." She finished.