Saturday, May 10, 2008

Do You?

Today I'm off to attend a bridal shower (what perfect timing!). I don't know about the rest of you but I actually enjoy a good bridal shower.... baby showers too. There is so much excitement and hope at these events. And they usually aren't overshadowed by too much stress or family drama like so many weddings are.
I also just love a good excuse to dress up.

But my question to you is....
Do you buy gifts off of Bridal Registries or not? If so do you do it for shower gifts and wedding gifts? Do you just give cash for weddings? Do you absolutely refuse to buy off a registry (I know you are out there)?

After going through it all at my wedding, I try to always buy off a registry both for showers and wedding gifts. We'll also give cash for weddings it kind of just depends on who it is and how much stuff they have registered for. I'm happy to buy off a registry...mostly because I'm happy for someone to get exactly what they want... but also because I want them to be able to easily return it. I also have a pretty solid price point for these gifts and I don't need to feel like I got a good deal nor do I need the recipient to think I spent more than I did.

So what do you do?
And if you don't mind sharing how much do you spend?

As requested.... the shoes

Oh and Justin was there... and was our waiter. More on that tomorrow. It was fabulous...


Deb said...

Have fun!!! I love showers, too.

After having been married and having a child and getting bizarre gifts from people who should know better, I buy off the registry 80% of the time. My consistent exception is for first-time parents. Sometimes you look at their registries and you just know they have no idea what they really need. I give those people gift cards to places like Target or so they can get what they need after they figure it out.

Spending amount depends on who it is. We've been known to buy extravagant wedding presents for very close friends, but my standard for a wedding is $100. Baby showers are $50, unless it's a close friend, then I'd double it (particularly if I'm buying them a gift card for diapers).

Mrs Furious said...

I do $50 for showers (unless a sister or good friend than $100 or so).
And we also do $100 for weddings as a standard gift... but we'll go way over that for our closest friends too.
If I buy off the registry I'll go over the $100 mark if it gets a whole place setting or set of glasses. I do like to get something that the couple would in theory have for the length of their marriage as opposed to sheets and the like.

Dinah Soar said...

I always try to buy from the registry. But I must be cheaper than the rest of you. I'll spend more on a very good or dear friend or family, but for casual friends, $25 is my average limit for shower and wedding gifts.

I figure it this way...if I spend a lot and they hate the gift I've wasted my money...if I spend a little and they hate it, no big deal and if they love it, it's a win-win.

The exception to this is if the event is a very posh wedding...then I'll spend the equivalent of what the wedding meal would cost which is usually at least $100. But I don't go to many weddings like that. The only one so far as been my baby sister's. It was an fancy shindig..designer dresses (Vera Wang) fabulous floral arrangements and gourmet food that tasted as fantastic as it looked.

Heather said...

Tell Justin I said hi, and that I didn't know it when I saw him, but I was pregnant. I still think that was nuts.

Anyway, I always TRY to buy off the registry, mostly because now that I have/I am registered/registering for crap, it's nice that people buy the stuff.

I spend about $100 if it's a good friend or family. Less if it's not.

Heather said...

Sorry -- $100 for gifts, $30-40 for shower.

Nutmeg said...

I always buy off a registry (unless, as someone else said, first time parents... but in my case I usually buy one smallish VERY utilitarian thing (usually something other people don't want to get, associated with poop)... and add to it somethings I think they don't know they need yet.)

I think 50 is the top of what I spend for a shower (plus usually some time to crochet something). For my best friend it was twice that, but we had babies 1 month apart.

I do try to remember how I felt at my shower, which was just so happy that people were there to share my happy event, and I didn't give a hoot about the presents. If the person is my friend, I assume they are a good person and feel the same way about the event. And, I guess if all they care about is how much I spent on a gift, then I don't really care what they think of me!

For the actual wedding, I try to give enough, as Dinah said to cover having me there. Someone told me this was a rule of thumb a long time ago when I didn't know any ettiquette. I don't think it really IS a rule of thumb, but I DID pay for my own wedding and it was nice to come out even, though... as before I know exactly what people gave me and I don't love my cousins less than my husband's just because they gave us a lot less money. And I didn't give them less at their weddings than I would have given someone who gave more extravagantly.

Around here, 100 dollars a person would be a nice, though not lush, wedding, so we give about 150-250 dollars (more if I know they paid for it themselves!!!)

I have participated in a conversation like this once on a message board online, and what we discovered is the WIDE regional difference in how much money is appropriate, whether money or GIFTS are appropriate at different events and I just want to make this probably unnecessary disclaimer: all gifts are good! Nothing I said is meant to say I think it's rude not to give money at a wedding and I would have been so happy still to have such a great day as I did on my wedding and not get a SINGLE gift of any kind, except the presence of the people we loved.

Sorry if I just got sappy. Up all night, and STILL up at 6 am.

Nutmeg said...

Wow.. what an awful, rambling, long comment.

Please ignore me from now on (at least before 7 am + one cup of coffee

Mrs Furious said...

Oh the NY/NJ area definitely gives more for weddings. It's a straight up fact.
And cash.
Here in MI you won't get very much cash (in my experience)... we got married in NY. Our friends gave cash our relatives (MI & CT) gave gifts.

I personally couldn't have cared less how much people spent on our gifts.
Despite that I still try and spend what I think is a good amount. But I'm hardly ever attending events for non-relatives/good friends so I don't mind spending the money either.

Deb said...

Love the dress. But I need a close-up of the shoes to really get my clothing fix. It's alllll about shoes for me, Mrs. F.

Southern Fried Girl said...

I almost always buy off registeries. It is just easier. You know they will like it and if they do happen to get a duplicate, then yes, so simple to take back.

I have some fam members who refuse to buy off registeries which just chaps my ass. "I want to get them what I want to get them" is their reasoning. Well, guess what? That particular day IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

If the registry is just about picked over or what is left is just too pricey for me, then I will do a gift card to that store.

As far as pricing, it totally depends on the person. Fam members I am not close with (cousins and such) is normally around 50. Now a close fam (like sister) is 100 minimum. Generally. Like I said, it really depends on the person and my relationship with them.

Kid Art said...

Ooh, what a pretty dress!

I always buy off the registry, although I will say that 12+ years after the fact the wedding gifts we still talk about are the totally bizarre, non-registry items (expensive pewter bowl with scary disembodied rabbit heads, anyone?). Though I will often stray off the registry for first time parents or just get them a gift card.

Also I think it's much easier to use registries in the age of the internet. When my husband and I got married Crate & Barrel was just starting out with their online registry and it was a very novel concept for most people.

For weddings (close friends, close family) we spend about $100. Showers, $30-$50 depending.

Marie said...

I usually do gifts for a baby shower. Typically I spend $30, but more for close family/friends (about $100-$200). I like to buy off the registry, but won't for the first time moms if their registry is crazy. (the last one I went to, the mom had registered for every cute piece of clothing and a crib. Thats it. I went the bibs/bath stuff/diapers route for her).

As for weddings, if I go to the bridal shower I like to buy a gift off of the registry. Typically about $50. Then for the wedding we usually give $100-$150 cash.

I think gifts for showers/cash for actual wedding is pretty typical around here (CT). Plus, it makes it easy to bring your gifts home after your wedding! And usually the registry is bought out by the time the shower is over.

angie said...

I almost never ever give money for a wedding gift (and yep, I was born in raised and Michigan). That is just not done. The exception has been for a couple of friends who married in mid 30's had what they needed and really just needed cash.

Showers are round 30-50, weddings 100...though as others have said for dear friends, more.

Justin said...

Great to see you Mrs. F!! You were looking great in the dress ;) Well I gave my older sis a call and sent her a link to your blog. You two could become best friends!

Well I hope you had a good time and the food was alright. I'll keep in touch.

Way to go Heather! Hurray for babies!

Mrs Furious said...

You beat me home.
I'm going to write a real post about our visit tomorrow.

Thanks for all the bread!

Kiki said...

I love that Justin commented, that's hilarious!! Your dress AND shoes were super cute and whatever you gave, I'm sure the recipient was just thrilled to be surrounded by people she loves and who love her.

As for the money, I'm from NY, its always money for weddings, about $100. For a shower its off the registry and if its a baby shower I sew a "quilt".

Glad you had fun.

angie said...

Mrs F,

I am sitting on my couch and looking across the street. Are you feeling my vibes?? Hope it's going okay over there.

FYI, Nate told us that "Putty sleeping" for your sake, hope he is :-)

Kid Art said...

I covet the shoes!!!

Mrs Furious said...

The shoes are vintage Target (of course).

The last time I wore the dress was on my honeymoon in Bermuda in 2001. Hoarding sometimes pays off ;)

Deb said...

Oh, the shoes are sassy!! Love them! (Thanks for indulging my needs.)

Always hoard classic dresses like that, as well as shoes. They never go out of style.

Margo said...

I always buy off the registry. I'll try to find things that I know they'll adore and if we are super-close to them, adding something to it, i.e. we bought wine glasses off the registry but then also added a couple of bottles of their favorite wine.

Typically for good friends I'll spend $100 - $150. Otherwise, $50 - $60. That's for wedding or showers.

Cute outfit!

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