You know those relationships that you have that are so tense and anxiety provoking that you feel the need to pre-live your potential interactions?
I tend to do this for a good 24 hours before I see a particular someone in my life. Instead of just entering the situation cold (literally and figuratively) I like to torture myself by acting out (mostly in my head... but I did catch myself actually acting it out while doing laundry this evening) all potentially charged conversations. This person is an incredibly literal person... me?... not so much... so pretty much any and every conversation has the potential to nose dive pretty quickly. While the role playing means I add an additional day's visit (albeit virtual) on to their trip it does help me to get my most sarcastic remarks out of my system and practice more neutral responses.
It's not that crazy... it's not any different than practicing a speech... right?
20 comments:
I'm so happy to hear I'm not the only person who does this! I always find myself imagining worst case scenario interactions with people to "prep" myself. I'm trying to stop because it means I end up getting all pissed off in my head at these imagined conflicts, and it's not like it really perpares me for anything anyway. Good luck with the inlaws -- you'll get through this!
Haley,
That thought is exactly what made me want to write about it. I was initially thinking this was a really negative behavior but then I realized I kind of have fun in a sick sort of way... and I do an excellent impersonation of my FIL... I mean spot on.
Sounds just a little crazy to me.
I do it all the time. In fact, I'm writing a book about it.
Unfortunately I tend to err on the other end of the interactions... all the things I wish I'd said! I think your way sounds much healthier actually... and a little less vindictive :)
Our family is driving to Vermont this weekend for a nephew's first communion. He's the son of my rather judgmental sister-in-law. Knowing that she is someone I have a very hard time being around, and really just not a nice person, I am thinking maybe I should prepare for our weekend using your method!
Do what works for you...its all healthy if it helps you deal!!!
Deb,
seriously?
Gigs,
Sometimes Mr F is a good sport and will play along... that is when things can kind pretty funny... which actually does diffuse the stress immensely.
Kiki,
I bet you are a great manager. Your employees must love you.
You are so sweet, the love is mtual that is what makes work a joy!!!
I do that with my own mother, my mother-in-law is the bee's knees. That's why I moved 3,000 miles from one and toward the other.There was a time when my ob offered me tranks if I had to visit my mother...
I do the same thing too! I've found myself actually talking my side of the conversation outloud! It does make me more stressed for an extra day, but I can 't stop it.
And I have managed to get all worked up about my imaginary scenarios, so when I see the real people I am already a little peeved at them for what they did in my mind!
I absolutely do that, and I find my self making expressions or shrugging while I am doing it. (So even though I'm not saying anything out loud, you can tell I am having a conversation in my head.)
I also sometimes get all pissed off about the imaginary conversation based on what I think they might say. LOL
Sorry it's so stressful. Hopefully the weekend will fly by.
OMG, when someone has done something that I know that I am going to confront them on, I have the entire conversation in my head. I have an arguement with them in my head! It usually never winds up as bad as the arguement that went on in my head. lol
Whaaaa??? I thought everyone did that??? What makes it worse is that you work yourself up imaging what could happen and by the time you see them you're all po'd about something that hasn't happened yet! Good luck this weekend!
I was just having this "conversation" in the shower with my ob-gyn (who I go to see in 15 mins.) about how I don't really want to hear it about my weight and that I've got some body image issues and don't need a lecture about how I'm gaining more than I should -- I'm well aware.
Then I went through the worst-case of if she tells me I can't go to Norway, and how we'll tell Pete's parents and how I'll have to be alone for 3.5 weeks and miss my friend's wedding on the East Coast.
It was a cheery shower.
Good luck this weekend. Let's hope neither of our worst cases come true.
i do that too - except things that would never happen in real life... like the conversation my boyfriend and i would after after he revealed he's cheating... where do i come up with this stuff?!
eurydice,
"like the conversation my boyfriend and i would after after he revealed he's cheating"
lol... I have totally done that!!!
Marie & Robin,
"so when I see the real people I am already a little peeved at them for what they did in my mind!"
Yes... that is the downside...
Heather,
like what your OB is going to say your too fat to travel?
update on my fatness and travel is on my blog!
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