Wednesday, May 14, 2008

A Note From Mr F

Hoo Boy. I think I need to step in and address something...
An Open Letter to My Family,

This is Mrs F's blog. She writes about whatever she wants to, and with very rare exception I don't ever have a problem with anything she's ever posted.

This is a personal space. It is a diary. Mrs F shares her thoughts and feelings here with what has become a pretty close group of supportive, yet mostly anonymous "friends."

It can be about safe topics like organic foods, recipes, kids or shopping. But this blog is really about her life. Good and not-as-good.

But more than anything else, this blog is honest. Always. And despite today's objection from my cousin, nobody has ever been treated cruelly here.

This isn't a "family keep-in-touch blog."

Not everything here (or at my blog for that matter) is suitable for everyone. No one has ever been "invited to" or "excluded from" here. If you read, it is your choice—and if you read something you don't like, it is up to you decide what you want to do with that. Do NOT expect things here to be stifled. I have lived the first 30-plus years of my life withdrawn and suppressing emotions, and the single biggest impact Mrs F has had on my life has been helping me break through that, and I will NEVER ask her to do the opposite.

Nothing here is ever written to hurt anyone's feelings. But at the same time, it is not Mrs F's job to protect everyone from their own feelings.

Two of my sisters read the blog. And comment—not as regularly as some of you, but it's a pretty safe bet that they'll see this. It will probably make them uncomfortable, and I'm sorry about that, but they'll live. They can acknowledge everything they read here is true and own it—[gasp!] sometimes their brother might be an asshole—or they can pretend everything is always perfectly normal and not think about it—and live only on the surface—it's what we in my family were all trained to do.

My parents may or may not have ever read the blog. I honestly cannot see them being interested in anything that takes place here at all topically, and the fact that it constantly deals with actual emotions and opinions, etc is nothing I expect they want to experience regularly. Either way, they have never discussed it with us and they were just here.

So, as far as I'm concerned, if my mom, dad or anyone else surreptitiously reads the blog without ever revealing it, it's akin to reading somebody's diary when they're not in their room and taking offense at what they find.

This isn't talking behind their back—we've tried to have a dialogue about all of this stuff with them, I poured it all out and we went waaay out on the limb—it went nowhere. Mrs F has done more than anyone in my family to foster the relationships that we have let whither on the vine. Through her efforts much of that has improved, but only as far as all parties will let it. My parents force a level of interaction that is far more shallow than I would like, and that means painful awkwardness or complete cluelessness depending on how aware you want to be. A visit means lots of small talk, tiptoeing and jawclenching...so when they leave, there is usually some pressure that needs to be let off.

That's what this blog is for.

There's a natural reaction from me to ask Mrs F to pretend this weekend never happened—but that's not being honest. Not by me, and it's not right to expect her to pretend Mothers Day was great if it wasn't or that "everything's swell" when it's not.

It is her blog, and she shouldn't have to censor herself to protect my family—they are all adults.

If you ever read anything here that brings you up short or offends you, before you lash out at Mrs F., or condemn her, stop to think about why you reacted that way. If you think she's crazy for breastfeeding a two-year-old or for co-sleeping, maybe you have some of your own guilt to deal with. If you are offended that somebody would dare say something truthful and admit their family is less than perfect, than perhaps that, too, is an issue you need to deal with.

Love (and tough-love, too),
Mr. F.

36 comments:

Mr Furious said...

Like I needed a nervous breakdown for my birthday? Jesus.

I'm fucking old now, my heart can't handle this shit...

Torey said...

Good for you Mr. F! And good for Mrs. F.
Everyone has family, and everyone knows that families are crazy. It's a fact of life. I'm glad that you two are strong enough to endure the craziness together.

Nice that your cousin was able to come and condemn y'all, but forgot to wish you a happy birthday!

I hope you both get to enjoy Mr. F's birthday! We have such lovely weather too, to compliment your day!

Robin said...

Well said, Mr. F. I'm sorry that you had to say it.

I went back and saw Kendyl's comment. It's a shame that she was so offended. None of us know Mr. F's parents, so what does it matter if Mrs. F lets off steam about them on her blog. It won't change my opinion of them...I don't know them, and will never meet them.

I agree that your blog is like your diary. It's a place where you can share things with people who have no ulterior motive in your life. Mrs. F, I am glad that you are so honest on your blog, because more often than not, I completely identify with what you are writing about. It is nice to know that I am not the only one going through and feeling the things you write about.

Sorry it went down on your b-day, Mr. F. :)

Mrs Furious said...

That might have made up for Mother's Day! Thanks Mr F.

love , Mrs F




seriously... people... seriously. Has this week not been rough enough?!?


Also I will note that there has been some crazy ass Google searches bringing people here out of the great State of CT (unusual activity) so I have a feeling that brunch post just got emailed all around when those relatives had not been reading. Excellent. ;)

Kiki said...

Mr F., Well said, I love that you stick by Mrs.F and you both have each others back, I love that you go to the boards for her and admire you for telling it like it is. So sorry it all went down on YOUR day, hopefully the trip to the hot tub emporium will melt it all away!!! Again, wishing you a happy birthday!!!

Shirls said...

can I hire Mr. F?? I need him to write a similar letter on my blog for some of my family members who need a wake up call, cause apparently posting out there for the world to see we are all just human, wasn't the right thing.. sheesh!

I say to those who take issue with me, my thoughts and therefore my blog -
1. don't read it if you don't like it; and
2. if you don't want your bad behaviour out there on the net, don't do it in the first f'ing place!

Sandcastle Momma said...

Bravo Mr F! There is nothing better than a man who defends his wife. Good for you. I hope you have a happy birthday and Mrs. F I hope you can put all of the negativity from Mother's Day behind you. Enjoy your getaway!

Mr Furious said...

Following up...

this was racing through my head the whole way home from work...Did my parents set out to ruin Mother's Day? Of course not. Are they aware that they had an impact on Mother's Day? Again, of course not. Were they the only thing that went wrong on Mothers Day? Once again, Of. Course. Not.

But Mothers Day didn't go the way Mrs F wanted it to. And guess what, other things in life don't either. Should Mrs F feel free to express her feelings and write about what happened, or should she bottle it all up because there's a minute chance that somebody she has no idea reads the blog might take offense?

Of course not.

Am I sorry people I know and love might be hurt by things that happen or feelings I, Mrs F or anybody else have? Of course. But life's messy if you actually live in it.

Thank God I'm going to the rainforest shortly...that wacky gift is turning out to be EXACTLY what I need.

Deborah said...

Dear Mr. F., have a wonderful birthday. Good for you for defending mrs. F. And forty ain't old.

Dear Mrs. F.: Look on the bright side. You probably won't have to sweat any more in-law visits.

Mrs Furious said...

Deborah,
LOL

Marilyn said...

Yay, Mr. F!! Great job. And keep up the good work, Mrs. F. We do love you.

Chrissy said...

Mrs F - this was a wonderful, caring, thoughtful and supportive letter by Mr F! What a wonderful gift to you to have such a great partner (even when you want to clobber him).

Mr F - can I plagarize every bit of this and send it to my family? Boy did you hit the nail on the head!

Julie said...

have lived the first 30-plus years of my life withdrawn and suppressing emotions, and the single biggest impact Mrs F has had on my life has been helping me break through that, and I will NEVER ask her to do the opposite
That is beautiful, Mr F. I am so happy you two found each other at that dog park:)

swalk said...

s

swalk said...

Shame on you !! I have been reading you "blog" for months. You are a most selfish wife. And if you were my daugher in law, I would disown you. But that might make you happy. And why would I want to do that. You are a psychotic bitch! You are stuck on only yourself.You are the most disrespectful, stuck up, pompous ass I have ever come across. ( and a lousy housekeeper) I assume that your children suffer for inadequacies. And Mr. F.doesnt seem to have much of a spine either. How dare you throw away gifts from the girls grandmother..no matter how trivial they may seem to you, they meant enough from her to be sent to them. Some day they will see you for the selfish person you are. And your recipes..( If I were you, I would not share them or the the pictures,(especially of yourself) some of us want to keep our lunch down!!) Who ever told you that you can cook???? And for your supporters-alot of them need a trip to the therapist too. Or better yet- I think that Divorce Court might be a better place. Maybe Mr.F. may find his spine again!!

Signed

I feel sorry for you-find a good therapist Miss Genious

swalk

Julie said...

Swalk,
Fuck you.

swalk said...

PS

Breast feeding a child that long is unhealthy!!! I have had 4 children.When they are old enough to talk they are too old

again NUT case!!

swalk said...

back at you Julie!

Dont forget to supress it!!

Remember the therapy!!

Julie said...

Swalk,

If you find this blog so offensive, why have you been reading it for a while?

You sound so intolerant of people who are different from you. That's pathetic and sad.

I am so offended by you and your words. How hurtful. You sound like the pompous ass.

I could go on but I don't want to sound like the nut case you are.

Julie said...

Yuh, okay, kookoonut.

Julie said...

Mrs F,
When you get back from your glorious night at the hot tubs with Mr F and read this crazy talk from swalk, please just remember it is crazy-person talk. It is ridiculous and try not to take it too personally. Koo-koo nut talk. Just plain mean.

When swank and others talk to you like that, she's messing with all of us. Just a mean person. Not uplifting at all.

Ok, I am going to bed before I eat something else tonight.

Mr Furious said...

Swalk,

No, seriously, fuck you.

If I don't have a problem with anything Mrs F wrote about my family, why the hell should a complete stranger?

I have been reading you (sic) "blog" for months.

I find that impossible to believe. I think are full of shit. Because..

You are a most selfish wife...You are a psychotic bitch! You are stuck on only yourself.You are the most disrespectful, stuck up, pompous ass I have ever come across.

Anybody who would spend months reading something that they felt that strongly about has a fucking screw loose. So, you choose—you're either lying or you're crazy.

I assume that your children suffer for inadequacies.

Don't even fucking go there.

Again—if you actually did read this blog "for months" you would know that couldn't be further from the truth. There aren't two happier, more well-adjusted and well-parented kids on the planet than Kid and Baby. I think everybody who actually DOES read the blog can see that pretty clearly.

Either you are a brilliant spoof and your post is a well-executed parody, or you really are that fucking stupid, and ill-equipped to deal with the discourse here.

Yeah, if you were her MIL, you'd disown her, yet you apparently can't tear yourse;f away from the blog.

Go away.

Torey said...

Everyone knows that breastfeeding your children is so unhealthy. Gosh, Mrs. F what were you thinking?? Didn't you know that boobs are for sex? Which, by the way, I think you need to engage in more often, since you're such a terrible wife. Seriously, give Mr. F some lovin'.

And that wacky Mr. F, with no spine. How does he even deal with you? He is clearly suffering along with your children. All that healthy food, and happy family time is so bad for your family.

Mr. and Mrs. F are CLEARLY the bad people here, that's why I read the blog. You know, so I can be reminded of how bad they are. Because it's important to me to keep tabs on how bad they are.


Ugh.

Mrs Furious said...

Julie & Torey,
You know we love you!


and we all thought taking off the anonymous commenters was going to improve matters...

tash said...

In regards to the breast feeding comments - my husband is in med school in Canada. He is, in fact, the class rep for what is known as the "baby unit". And as we are planning on having children soon, this unit is of special important to him. Mother's should breast feed their children for AT LEAST 2 years. This provides the child with immunity, mental and emotional stability, better health, as well as increased intelligence. Sometimes it is not possible to breast feed for that long, which is fine. But mother's who chose to breast feed for two years or longer are giving their children many benefits and should not be attacked for doing something that is recommended by agencies such as Health Canada and doctors across Canada (I assume the US promotes the same thing too).

BTW - Mrs. F - your blog rocks!

Mrs Furious said...

Tash,
hey thanks for the backup!! :)

Kiki said...

Well I won't suppress it, I am in tears over the meanness of Swalk, the absolute cowardrice and shameful behaviour of another person toward someone I admire and hold in high esteem. Swalk, you are hateful and venomous, spread that shit somewhere else,because I'd love to be related to the Furious clan and would be proud to be associated with someone who is passionate about everything she posts on this blog!!!

Mrs.F, I am so sorry that this person has had a moment of space here on YOUR blog, I am sorry for any amount of time you have spent thinking about this whole subject and I am sorry that there can't just be kindness and wholehearted support from every person who visits your blog. I hate that this is the double edged sword of having a public blog, and also so glad to have found my way here...again as always, I'll keep reading because, well, I like you, just as you are!!!

Deb said...

"If you ever read anything here that brings you up short or offends you, before you lash out at Mrs F., or condemn her, stop to think about why you reacted that way."

Perfectly put, Mr. F. It's a shame the asshats of the world are the least likely people to engage in self-examination.

Mr Furious said...

It's a shame the asshats of the world are the least likely people to engage in self-examination.

And the first to judge others. And loudly.

Elizabeth said...

Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry people are such jerks. I'm proud to have you in my family, and rather greatful that I can read about you and your amazing daughters. I think of you as an example for when I have my own kids.

One of Mrs. F's numerous cousins.

P.O.M. said...

Joining late to the fun.
Just one quick point. How can Swalk call Mr. F spinelss when he just stood up to his entire family? HELLO? That takes a pretty strong backbone if you ask me.

Bravo Mr. F. I love how you & Mrs. F relate! It's fun, it's real - there's ups and downs, but you stick together and stand up for eachother. Happy b-day.

michelline said...

That's a beautiful letter, Mr. F. I'm just sorry you had to write it. And keep your chin up, Mrs. F.

Mrs Furious said...

Elizabeth,
Thank you. Really. That made me a little vehclempt.

Daniela said...

I'm a little late to the game, but I have a small message:

Swalk: Please refill your Haldol prescription.

Mr & Mrs F: You both are wonderful people.

Regarding the recipes: I have made two of them (molasses beef stew and salmon noodle casserole) and they are family favorites. That said:

Swalk: Please continue to eat a high-fat, high-cholesterol diet. Take one for the herd. I'll even send you your own Darwin award posthumously.

Daniela said...

Oh, and I'm making the ginger brown sugar salmon tonight.

Keep up the great work.

Mrs Furious said...

Daniela,
thank you :)

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