I'm hurtin' this morning. Baby just put me through night 3 of HELL. She's been waking up no less than 8 times a night and has left me in such a state of sleep deprivation that I'd be tempted to shoot myself in the head to make the general achiness and head fogginess disappear. Fortunately I'm not sure I'd have the energy to pull the trigger.
On top of all that this week has put me through the ringer trying to pull everything together for Kid's birthday and Halloween. Disappointingly my quest for holiday perfection has not waned in the past years. I'm still in need of some serious work on that front and really hope I can pull Christmas together in a more enjoyable and less stressful way. Thankfully Christmas doesn't involve icing a birthday cake... which with the "tornado" running around the kitchen and poking her little fingers into it... was more than a little challenging.
The whole week has really brought to light my issues. I make myself crazy with this stuff... and cannot let up no matter the personal sacrifice. Everything must be *perfect*. I need the house to be completely clean and organized for the big day (whatever that is). I need to make the day stand out and so I have to have special decorations. I make our cakes and decorate them... and NO it isn't fun to do that... it is fucking stressful to make a *perfect* cake. It is especially stressful with Baby underfoot (and pushing stools up to the counter where she can poke it and grab my legs while I'm icing it making it impossible for me to make a straight line! And no I couldn't do it while she napped...because that little maniac doesn't sleep. And I couldn't do it the night before because.... that's right... she took a 45 minute nap yesterday and that apparently was enough to recharge her until 11 PM!
It's enough to make me wish I had never learned how to decorate cakes. If I didn't know better I could just ice it up and present it with candles. Or do what millions of other people do and buy one for crying out loud. But now I feel like I owe my family a cake and at this point Kid expects it. It takes nearly 2 hours just to ice the cake... so after participating in Kid's school morning, then hitting the balloon store across town, it was already after 11. Then I had to make the icing and prep the cake. Then ice it. Then clean up all the cake mess, decorate the house, and clean up all the shit Baby had occupied herself with while I tried to ignore her. It was a NIGHTMARE. I never sat down. I never ate. For real. Why do I do this to myself?!!
The only upside is that I did get it all done. When Kid came home from school everything was perfect. Her pile of presents were waiting. The dining room and her bedroom were adorned with streamers (turns out you can throw those babies up in less than 5 minutes if you are really fast). The house was clean and her cake was waiting for her. She was pleased. And did feel that is was all done for her... and it made her feel special. It really did.
So how can I do all that and make her feel that way (which is the goal... and thankfully she was oblivious to the living Hell it was for me) and still enjoy myself? There isn't a thing (minus the cake... and even that wouldn't be so bad if I had time) that I'd want to take out of the picture. I still want a perfectly clean house. Is it just me or does everyone feel that way? ( I almost feel like I won't be able to enjoy the celebration if I don't have a clean slate.) I still want there to be some special decorations to honor the day and make the birthday kid feel loved and honored. So what can I change? Sure I could benefit from better time management... although with the wild one at my heels it really is next to impossible... I can only hope she's a little less crazy next year (wishful thinking I know). I could also use a more helpful spouse. Or do I just need an attitude adjustment?
Do you all feel this way?