For Shame

Welp, I'm up a half pound from last week.

Disappointing... for sure... but honestly, I'm not too discouraged and am just continuing on as if nothing happened.

#1 I have been very sick since Saturday and I just haven't had the energy to get as many workouts in. So I only worked out 4 times instead of 6.

#2 My usually dead, dead, dead social life was in an upswing last weekend. I had a party (one of those product ones... but still... I'm desperate for any kind of social life, so it counts), a crazy full day of shopping out with the family (and 2 restaurant meals), and Mr F and I finally had a babysitter and really lived it up on one of our only dates out in the last 8.5 years (seriously people... I think we've had a babysitter less than 8 times the entire time we've had kids). So that ended up being 3 nights I went over my calorie limit.

Lesson learned... 6 days of cardio and sticking to my 1450 limit worked... working out 4 times and overeating (within reason... but ... still a couple hundred over several times)... does not.

I'm human.

Forgive me.

The good news is outside of Easter dinner, I really have no more social events (or chances for sabotage) in the near future. Also, after our date we decided we'd much rather use that time to go out to a movie next time than eat anyway.

And, despite my hiccup, I'm still down 2.5 in 2 weeks... which is still good! My goal is 10 pounds in 10 weeks (4/6-6/15) and in the big picture I'm right on track.

And, yes, if I can gather the courage I will take progress photos.

007

In an effort to make up for all of our recent pet loss, I let the kids bring home a pair of goldfish the other day.


(And, yes, I know what you are thinking... are goldfish... a pet with a 10 day warranty... really the best pet for grief stricken children? I know. But our last set of goldfish I kept alive for over 3 years, so I was maybe misguidedly hopeful. And having spent close to $1000 on pets, pet medical treatment, cremation, pet adoption, pet return... fish are cheap)

4 weeks later...

Thankfully, this time it was Baby's pet that bit the dust.

She has a much rosier outlook on death...

"It's great when your fish dies! When it is Your... Own... Fish.... you can dig the hole!" Baby shouts jubilantly.

Not A Fan

I Say This... Only Because I Wish Someone Had Said This To Me

Crest 3D Advanced Vivid White Strips

They Work

Get Some

I'm Bringing Sexy Back (if you don't count the abdomen... and people, I don't)

I've been meaning to mention... but not wanting to jinx... my recent efforts & success.

After returning from Chicago last week I set to getting serious about getting back in shape.

I've lost 3 pounds this week.

I have gotten back in the groove of my evening 60 min treadmill workouts (which no matter what works for you... just is... the ONLY thing that works for me).

The thing for me is, as hard as it is to say I want to commit that time allotment everyday... the reality is shorter workouts just don't do it for me. I only like working out if I can get an endorphin rush and I don't get that until I've crossed the 45 min mark. It makes all the difference for me in terms of my ability to stick to it. So, I am making it work. If you don't enjoy it, you just aren't going to stick to it. So, it doesn't really matter if there are shorter workouts out there... I've tried 'em... I just don't get the feeling I need to get from them in order to want to do it again. And all this time, really pretty much an entire year since Mr F first moved to MI, I haven't been able to figure out how to workout in the basement, removed from the kids, for an hour... without having them watch TV during that time. It took some time, to work around all of our scheduling issues.. but I think I've got it, now. We've pushed our entire schedule back (which thanks to homeschooling can work) and that gives me 2 hours between dinner & the girls bedtime. Because it's later, Mr F is generally home... and if not I don't feel guilty about TV for the kids, I finish my workout by 9:30 and then run up to put Kid to bed. It took Spring Break for me to try this, and seeing that I really could fit it in with a little wiggling... that's what we'll do. Also, just emotionally... evening workouts have always been a major stress reliever for me. I can really let all of my stress & anger (or whatever) go and then enjoy my evening with Mr F.

As for the food, I am diligently weighing, measuring & counting everything. Instead of using a site to input (which is just more work for me) I'm writing it on a "note" on my iPhone. When I'm done for the day I record my totals (calories, exercise, weight on weigh in day) on my phone's calendar. It's been a really easy (always available) way to track everything and be able to look back, without amassing any clutter. I've settled on 1450-1500 cal a day. With a 3 pound loss (I've also done 6 - 60 min workouts) it's obviously a good target. I'm not hungry... but I do have to be diligent and extremely conscientious to keep in that limit. I could probably raise my calorie limit up a bit... but, hell... if I'm not dying of hunger, I'd really rather get through this weight loss phase as quickly as possible.

So that's that. I am not surprisingly finding success doing it that exact same way I did 4 years ago. Sometimes it takes awhile to say "oh you know that thing that worked... why don't you try doing that?", I guess. In seriousness, I just haven't been in a place to put myself first in this past year. With selling the house and being separated for 4 months during the move, then buying a house & unpacking, getting Kid in school & then taking her out, adjusting to Mr F's work hours and to the added responsibility of homeschooling... it was just a lot for me to juggle. So, I'm here, now. I'm trying to keep present and aware of how easy it is to do, and how much better I feel when I'm doing it... so I can move forward and not sabotage myself. The truth is, it just takes so much less energy to do it, than it does to think about doing it. Which is crazy.

It's Really Hard For Me That I Didn't Think Of Doing This Myself

I've never, in my life, been more jealous of someone else's genius...


Here is their YouTube page... definitely check out more of their videos. I am beyond amazed by this project and these teachers. Scroll through their uploads (52 of them), at the top right hand corner of their YouTube page, by clicking See All.

I was up until 3 AM bearing witness to their awesomeness.

This just added a whole new layer of cool to the homeschooling curriculum.

I don't know if she's ever been happier...

Then she was on her ride home after her 1st horseback riding lesson.


She gushed and gushed about it. I thought her grin was going to split her face in half. I had to make her take her riding pants off (the very same pants that had been uncomfortable before the lesson... we're now "So Comfortable!").

A good hour later she wanders up to me at the stove and says as nonchalantly as she could muster...

"Horseback riding was very interesting."

Indeed.

Now This Sport...

Decidedly more expensive.

And Another One Bites The Dust

Sometime, the end of last week, I realized that this was "Spring Break". And considering the amount of stress that went into last week's tax fiasco, and the fact that we haven't had a vacation... and kind of desperately needed one... I took matters into my own hands. I snagged an amazing deal (traveling mid-week will do that) on The Palmer House Hotel, right off Michigan Ave in Chicago. It was the perfect location for walking... and the beds were the best hotel beds ever (except maybe the W beds... but on par) The weather didn't exactly cooperate... but it could have been worse. Since Mr F's car and gas are all covered by his job... Chicago has become our perfect short trip from home mini-vacation destination. The drive is (for our kids) a breeze, and you can pack in a lot of activity in two days. It was a good break from our routine. And, again, Chicago is hands down the cleanest city we've ever been in.

Also, there is an Amercian Girl Doll store there. If you hadn't noticed. This doll has been purchased on loan, to be paid back with chores. I have a feeling the lender will lose on this arrangement... but it was all I could come up with to not just buy her such a special doll for no occasion. Still kept the doll value at a premium, in her mind. The truth is, that as a lover of history, it's really hard for me to not buy these dolls (obviously).

We'd been planning on going on a bigger Disney vacation, but, we missed the deal season of the Fall, and I just can't do Disney once it's hot... or full price. We've got a decent amount stashed away now that our mortgage isn't like 90% of our take home pay... but full price Disney is hard to swallow, even if I think a good vacation is important for your mental health. Any way... despite promising the kids we'd go back in November... we're going to skip it. It was a tough call... the last year was a hard one and we never really have had that chance to recover as a family. But, every month we put Disney off the easier it is to just move forward. I mean the weather is almost nice, here... right??!

As much as we love Disney (we do) we really have been there and done that (and only that). We kind of want a change, but it's hard to find a place that is cheaper and still offers legitimate fun for kids of all ages. That is where Disney kicks it. And there is something to be said for that. What Mr F and I really REALLY want to do is take the family on an extended European trip (like rent a house for a month) in about 4 years, when the kids are heartier (8 &12... yikes! time flies) ... so... with that goal in mind it's easier to pass on a 3-4K trip to Disney. It's the damn airfare that kills it now that we need 4 full price seats. If we can diligently bankroll that vacation fund we'll be set.

Lately, Mr F and I have been known to watch 5-6 episodes of House Hunters International every Friday... and truth be told... I might beg him to try and get a job at a European car magazine on a fairly routine basis. So, you just never know where you are going to find us in two years (not really... but... maybe???). I just miss living in a city. I've convinced myself that if I can't live in a city I should try living in the Slovenian countryside with all the British ex-pats... it's gorgeous... and dirt cheap. Those Brits are on to something.

I've been scouring the closing Borders for their deeply discounted Rosetta Stone just in case.

Well, anyway, this is where the big European trip comes in. Trying to keep my wanderlust in check. Although, I don't know if that is possible.

Plus, it's one of the awesome benefits of homeschooling. One year's private school tuition would cover an amazing trip. I could rent a house and Mr F could fly out for his vacation allotment. Oh, to live the dream...

Maybe we will. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Something to keep the weekly grocery trips to Meijer less soul-sucking, at least.

Hey Ho

Kid just got bumped up from her swimming lessons to a competitive swim team.

We're really proud of her and excited that she has found a sport (a lifetime one at that) that she really enjoys.

BUT I'm interested in hearing from any swim team parents about what this time commitment, etc., is like.

She's starting out with training 4 times a week.

Which, again, if she likes it... is just amazing year round exercise.

And while there are certainly costs, it seems that swimming is one of the cheaper sports (I may be grossly misinformed... let me know).

The good news for us, is that as homeschoolers, we can actually fit in the training without it being a stress time-wise.

The bad news is that this means four days a week of trying to find a way to entertain Baby while we wait out her lessons (which is a definite concern... that's a lot to ask out of a 4 year old).

Any swim team experience or insights would be greatly appreciated.

She won't start doing meets until the Fall... so I don't have to worry about that right now. But, I'd love to know what that will entail. Especially since parents are required to volunteer at a couple meets every year.

Also, price wise... we're looking at $50 a month for 4 times a week training. That seems really good to me... but are there costs that are going to come up once they are attending meets?

Okay... over and out.

Another Tax Season... Another Potential Trip To A Divorce Lawyer

People.

People!

Not only did I file our goddamn taxes last week...

Including various assorted complications with ...


a) having partial year residencies in two different states

b) Mr F having his own freelance business

and

c) Mr F being the one of the most disorganized, forgetful, fiscally irresponsible humans on the face of the Earth


I, also, got the pleasure of redoing all of them TODAY.

Filing amended returns to the Feds, Michigan, and North Carolina.

See various complications a-c with a heavy focus on c.

Doing the taxes the first fucking time was not fun.

Doing it all over again... is cause for some serious payback.

Okay

I'm sick of feeling like shit about myself.

I'm hoping I finally mean that.

I feel like I do... but... the motivation to actually stick with something beyond a handful of days has been elusive up to this point.

It turns out having your kids with you 24 hours a day, makes it even harder to put your needs first.

I'd really like to replace the amount of time I feel shame about my lack of effort...

with... pride at actually making a fucking effort.

So I'm just going to say I'm now trying to get into a 12 week challenge with myself.

To actually do what I know I should do.

And stop making nutella paninis (damn you Mario Batali!).

I started today.

I think I have to stick under 1400 calories now that I'm a) not breastfeeding and b)comprised of much more fat than I used to be.

I'm also going to do my "I think I might be having a heart attack" Cathe Fredrick step aerobics DVD (for real peeps... it's insane) 5 times a week.

One down.

Stay tuned.

I think I mean it this time.

12 weeks... 15 pounds... back to my glory

More Homeschooling Insights

"MOM! I need a permanent marker and your calendar! I have to cross out August and write "I HATE YOU, ROME!" Kid yells emphatically from the other room.

"I hate him for making Cleopatra kill herself!" Kid explains.

The kids also have our famous pink pony piled high with bean bags to represent Hannibal's war elephants crossing the Alps.

Then I remembered we had Gladiator and I was able to cue up a scene of the gladiator fight with Tigers (Don't worry! We stopped it before there was bloodshed!), so that she could get a better idea of what the gladiator fights were like.

She wasn't as impressed as she had been about the Assyrians fighting lions for sport... using humans to form the ring (okay they had shields... but still... crazy).

We're up to 14 AD.

Sweet Pea has been adopted!

Proof

I am so excited... I can hardly contain myself!

I'm also so proud of Kid I am kind of crying.

So this is a good thing to read if you are contemplating homeschooling. (or if you're a skeptic)

Especially, if you are contemplating it because your child isn't "doing well" in a school setting.

Okay... I can't even take the time to write this out... you'll have to watch this: (It's straight up amazing!)

(I don't know why it is out of focus!...)

Synopsis:

Public school had her in remedial reading. Although she demonstrated reading comprehension above her grade level (3rd grade)... because she missed a 1st grade word during testing she was put into the lowest level she had completed successfully (Kindergarten).

Public school also had her placed in remedial math. Not because she had ever done ONE SINGLE math problem incorrectly... no... because she didn't take her timed math test quickly enough. A kid who up until that point has never taken a test, let alone a timed test, information they had been made well aware of.

So how is a kid placed in kindergarten level math and reading ever able to demonstrate their true abilities when they are only ever given remedial work to do?

Why would it be surprising that this same child sat at her desk bored and distracted by classmates rather than doing her work... which was... not challenging and therefore NOT engaging?

By the time we were made privy of the full extent of her learning deficits it was 3 months into the school year (which highlights another problem... doesn't it?).

This teacher flat out didn't believe Kid was capable of being in a higher level of academics and implied she was... well... not mentally capable of performing on par with her peers.

OKAY.

I'm not going to lie... that shook us up quite a bit.

Maybe she is behind? Maybe she has some kind of learning disability?

I was worried. Really.

When I took her out to homeschool I didn't even know where to start.

I put her in 1st grade math. And in 14 weeks she has finished over 144 lessons. She's finished all of the 1st grade books in a little over 3 months.

I was proud of that... and happy that we'll be starting with 2nd grade now and maybe... maybe... we'll catch up to grade level!

Then I got next year's curriculum in the mail and saw the AWESOME 3rd grade math program. I actually stayed up late one night doing the sample assignments. I was disappointed that Kid is behind in math and when we start 3rd grade we'd have to use something else until she caught up. I was really upset because I knew this computer game style of learning would really engage her. I wanted her to see it, to see if I was right about her liking it, and to give her something to work towards.

And PEOPLE she completed Lesson 51 (so a good 3 months into 3rd grade curriculum) with no problem. And loved it. And begged me to order it right away.

But she had never had any 2nd grade level math instruction. I was worried it might be a fluke and there might be more challenging topics that would frustrate her. But she loved it so much, so we took the placement test just to see. She slammed it.

I was so beaten down that even though we plowed through with the 1st grade math, I never sat down to think... hmm... maybe we're plowing through because it's too easy.

So this girl, who had been placed in remedial math in 2nd grade, after 14 weeks at home... and NO 2nd grade math instruction... is more than capable of doing 3rd grade math. Never had seen fractions or multiplication... and was able to do it on the spot. What?!!!

Oh, but that is not all.

When we started this curriculum we did a reading placement test. I was worried because she had been a delayed reader and because her teacher had her at a competent Kindergarten level reader. We took the placement test and it gave us Level 2 intermediate. I was thrilled! She wasn't delayed she was a competent 2nd grade reader.

I don't know why I never thought anything of the fact that in 14 weeks of doing our homeschool curriculum she has done the entire years worth of reading.

My one complaint about our curriculum is that they didn't give us enough reading.

I'm sure you're catching on to where this is going.

But I had had it beaten into me that she was DELAYED.

Then the new catalogue came out and they have re-labeled everything, because they found parents confused and assuming level 2 = 2nd grade. It doesn't. She had been reading 3rd grade intermediate readers this whole time! And flying through them.

So, with the math success under our belt, I thought... hmm... maybe she's flying through the readers because they aren't challenging?

We took the reading placement again this morning.

Care to guess what grade reading level she is at now, after 14 weeks of homeschooling?

SEVENTH FUCKING GRADE.

SEVENTH GRADE!

So, there you have it.

If children aren't given the opportunity to demonstrate their academic abilities... how can they?

And also... speed... is NOT the sole judge of mastery.

If it were...

Mr F...

would be living on the streets.

And, so, I think it is important for people to know this.

That some kids (smart kids, even) are getting left behind in the mainstream school system.

Done Deed

I don't know how all of this has come across... but I want to be clear that this has been a HEARTBREAKING decision for us (for me in particular).

After last night's incident we felt we needed to proceed with haste.

The Humane Society had space and Mr F called to tell me that we needed to rush her over there before they closed.

Kid and I sobbed the entire way there.

And all through the intake process.

Then we went to see the cats.

Kid stopped crying.

I looked like I had just buried one of my children.

Or like I had the most raging case of double conjunctivitis ever seen in a human.

Then I proceeded to sob the entire way home.

And then some more when I came in to all of her things strewn about where she left them.

I feel compelled to go there every day and walk her... but I don't know if that's actually good for her... or me.

Plus, we'd probably come home with a cat a day.

I'm really hoping she gets a good loving home this weekend.

That's It

The damn cat just opened the door to the living room (dog's domain). The door has a wonky latch and it must not have been pulled tightly. I came in to find the cat pinned to the ground with the dog biting his neck.

I'm shaking with adrenaline.

And I'm over it.

No question the cat is in danger.

Maybe this is the sign I needed.

They better have an opening tomorrow!

video update 3/21

Relief

Well, Mr F finally heard back from the Humane Society. They said they wish everyone would handle this the way we are. Phew. Now I don't have to worry about being on their shit list (which I was obsessively worried about) They'll happily take her back whenever we're ready to bring her in and will make sure she gets a better placement next time. They're grateful to be able to have more information to help them facilitate that. I think we'll wait and bring her in on Wednesday so that she will be through their processing and ready for adoption on the weekend with as few days of waiting as possible. We can also chose another dog. I think the rotation of pet loss we've been dealt the past year and half (with Canine, Dasher and now Sweetpea) is enough. We'll stick with the cat, and just be grateful to not have any pet issues to mediate for awhile.

Although, there is a cat named Queen High Muffins waiting for a home ...

Updates

So, some things have been going on in the background here that I may have failed to mention. Like... our new dog keeps trying to kill our cat.

That's been a bit rough & stressful and has meant that I'm pretty much on guard all my waking hours and trying to manage a rotation of pets which leaves everyone getting less than what they deserve. It has been incredibly stressful trying to make sure the kids don't accidentally let the cat into the room with the dog (which they do... every single day). Then manage the dog's destructive chewing when she has to be shut in the living room while the cat gets a few minutes out with the family.

I have tried EVERYTHING I can to slowly introduce them, having on leash meet & greet times everyday... but still... it can go from good to terrifying in a blink of an eye. This situation is just, obviously, not what we wanted. And I'm left spending all my time trying to avert disaster and am left stressed and resentful every evening.

After putting in a good 60+ days I think it's time that we just admit that this isn't working and try and find her a good cat free home to call her own. It has been very sad. She wants nothing more than to be a good companion, and that is what we all wanted, but due to our circumstances she can't be free (or even off leash) in the house most of the time. So I find myself sacrificing my own freedom and spend all my time with her in the shut off living room. A prisoner to the dog's needs. While the cat then goes ignored all day.

So, yesterday I finally had the little pep talk with myself that went something like... "When can I put my needs over anything else's?" "Do I really have to live my life like this for the next 10+ years because I don't want to disappoint the Humane Society?!" And let me be clear that our Humane Society is very nice and not a high kill shelter and that she will most CERTAINLY be adopted immediately because of her size and her good with kids status. She had only been there 4 days before we adopted her.

But, really, am I not allowed to put myself before the animals?

If we don't take her back and she accidentally (or accidentally on purpose) kills our cat... isn't that horrific negligence on our part? Is our cat's actual life worth less than being good adoptive dog parents and committing to her no matter what?

So, now I'm thinking of it in terms of fostering her. We gave her a great loving foster home for 2 months. We can now vouch that she is great with kids and bad with cats so that she can move forward into the right placement for her. She can now sit, lay down, and fetch. And the Humane Society has gotten hundreds of dollars in adoption & relinquishing fees to boot.

P.S. I should note that the Humane Society said they were 100% confident she was good with cats...


So, there's that.

And I've gone off coffee & wheat.

It's day 3.

Kid said to me yesterday... "Mom, please make yourself a cup of coffee!"