Friday, January 9, 2009
And Now Broken Hearted
Some people may know how close I am with my paternal grandmother. She is in many ways more like a second mother than a grandmother. She is witty and sarcastic even now in her 90s. She was more than butterscotch candies and animal crackers... she was unconditional love and stability in times when that was hard to come by. She has been one of my best friends.
My grandmother, Nana, is 96 today. Last night my father called to tell me she has been in the ICU for the last two days with congestive heart failure. She is there alone tonight. I hate to think of her passing on like that... afraid... hooked up to machines. I'm heartbroken. I want to be there to hold her hand and smell her lily of the valley perfume.
I told myself I wouldn't grieve tonight... that she might still make it. She's a strong woman and has survived so much. She, at times, has seemed immortal and I wish that she were. This is a loss that I have known I would have to face soon... sooner than I'd want. But I am not ready. I can't bear it.
If there is a God she was one of the gifts that he gave me. We were soul mates and I'm not sure how I will be able to get over losing her. I can only hope she has known how much I have loved her... and that I have appreciated all she has ever done for me.