Friday, January 9, 2009

And Now Broken Hearted


Some people may know how close I am with my paternal grandmother. She is in many ways more like a second mother than a grandmother. She is witty and sarcastic even now in her 90s. She was more than butterscotch candies and animal crackers... she was unconditional love and stability in times when that was hard to come by. She has been one of my best friends.

My grandmother, Nana, is 96 today. Last night my father called to tell me she has been in the ICU for the last two days with congestive heart failure. She is there alone tonight. I hate to think of her passing on like that... afraid... hooked up to machines. I'm heartbroken. I want to be there to hold her hand and smell her lily of the valley perfume.

I told myself I wouldn't grieve tonight... that she might still make it. She's a strong woman and has survived so much. She, at times, has seemed immortal and I wish that she were. This is a loss that I have known I would have to face soon... sooner than I'd want. But I am not ready. I can't bear it.

If there is a God she was one of the gifts that he gave me. We were soul mates and I'm not sure how I will be able to get over losing her. I can only hope she has known how much I have loved her... and that I have appreciated all she has ever done for me.

30 comments:

Renee said...

Oh Mrs. F...I am so, so very sorry and grieve with you also ...I had a very similar experience last year w/ my paternal great aunt who ironically was 96 as well (she was more like a grandmother as her sister, my paternal grandmother and the person I'm named after died at 43 from breast cancer. I was not able to be w/ my beloved Kikkie when she left this earth and it broke my heart and still does. I know that your Nana knows that you are there with her in spirit even if you cannot be there in person. I'm saying a special prayer tonight for you and for your Nana.

And I just voted again too.

katieo said...

oh dear mrs f!


We will include Nana Furious in our prayers tonight. And you too.

SK and Family said...

I am so sorry.

I am not going to try to convince you that God exists (I don't even know your "back story" about religion), but you are surely blessed by God with your husband and daughters! :)

Hugs,
Kat

julie said...

Oh mrs f. I am so sad for you. You both are in my thoughts.

I am so glad your little girls will have that photo and memory.

Robin said...

I'm so sorry! I will say a prayer for your Nana.

Lori said...

Oh Mrs. F, I'm so so sorry.
I too was "very" close to my grandmother and was beyond inconsolable when she died.
She too was alone and it was her heart. I think she knew how much I adored her, but not being there to tell her, hold her hand, etc... Sent me over the edge.
I do feel your pain. Call up there, have a nurse hold the phone to her ear!
She will hear you! Tell her your heart!!!
Best Wishes

www.mirrorx2.blogspot.com

Supermom said...

(((((((((((((Mrs F)))))))))))))*************

Your Nana knows how much you love her! That I know!!!

I'll be thinking about her and you.

Michelle :)

hicktowndiva said...

I'm really, really sorry. I still miss my granny, so much. It is painful beyond words to lose someone so special to you...
Hang in there, okay?

Claire said...

Your words brought so many memories to my mind - what a wonderful relationship with your Nana - that unconditional love is pure gold - I am praying for you and your family and will continue -

Gigs said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your Nana. To have a soul mate in your family is a priceless gift. We wish her well and wish her peace.

Elizabeth said...

oh no. I'm sorry. I'm sure she knows how much you love her. Hugs

Amy said...

Oh I'm so sad for your, Mrs. F.
I'm so, so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers and thoughts in your direction.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry Mrs. F. I hope she pulls through.

Miss Theresa said...

Oh Mrs. F, I'm so sorry! Rest assured, that your Nana knows how much she is loved by you.

My own grandma will be turning 93 this weekend and I'm making the trip to spend the day with her. I know how very upset I'd be if anything happened (even though I know it will).

Huge hugs going your way and I will be keeping good thoughts and saying a quiet prayer.

Mary Poppins said...

oh, i'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. bert's grandma just died on christmas and i know what a hard time it can be. i will keep you and her in my prayers.

P/F said...

I'm thinking of you and your grandma, and sending my best thoughts of health, peace, and wellness your way.

Mrs Furious said...

Thank you everyone. I was up until 3 last night. No word. I'm let you all know as soon as I get an update.

Haley said...

I'm so sorry. I really hope she pulls through. I've always been very close to my Grandma as well -- I was partially raised by her. She's in her late 90's and has been going down hill for the last few months, and as much as I try to prepare myself, I know it will be devastating when it happens. I'll be thinking of you and your grandmother today.

s potter thomas said...

mrs.f. I lost my paternal grandma to
congestive heart failure in 2005! She was 92 and ready to go! It broke my heart because I live in California and she lved in oregon so I didn't get to say goodbye! I did talk to her as soon as my dad called, to say she had passed, I said a prayer to her. I also prayed for her. When we went up for the funeral I wrote notes and put them in her casket saying how much I loved her and what she brought to our family! I also kissed her goodbye. Some people might find that wierd but I was very comforted to be able to do something I would normally do!(Kiss her goodbye like when she was alive!)
I am so sorry for what your going through! You will be in my thoughts and prayers! (so will your grandma!)
sincerely,
Suzanne

Heather said...

Woman, when it rains it pours. I'm so sorry about Nana. You're in my thoughts.

Preppy Mama said...

I am so sorry to hear of your grandmother taking ill. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Torey said...

I'm sorry Mrs. F! But I do know that NanaFurious knows how deeply she is loved, and how blessed you each have been to have the other in your lives.

I hope you can all find comfort in this hard time.

Deb said...

Hugs, hon.

Andrea said...

Im sorry to hear this about your Nana,keeping you both in my thoughts!

Kiki said...

Lots of love to you, there aren't words for this kind of thing, it's hard to find comfort when it's so painful!! Talk about her if you can, tell people about her life...I find that that always helped me.
Hugs to you Mrs. Furious!!

Mrs Furious said...

Thank you everyone.
Briefly... all we know right now is that she made it through the night. Her body is exhausted from working so hard and she is uncomfortable with the breathing tubes. I'm still waiting for more word.
Thank you all for your prayers. This has been a very hard 24 hours for me.


Oh yeah keep voting. It's the only somewhat positive thing right now ;)

And is it just me or does having to keep at this voting until the 13th seem like a bit much? I've already got voting/begging for votes fatigue. So I'll remind you all that if you stick to it there will be the chance to win something fabulous!

wootini said...

Oh Mrs. F... having just lost my beloved grandmother last week to a long illness, I can only offer my understanding and deep sympathy. I'm so sorry, and, though not normally a praying sort of person, I'll say a special one tonight for you and your Nana.

Tracey said...

I'm sorry... It's hard to come to the end of the lives of our loved ones. I hope she isn't in any pain and that she is surrounded by love. I'm sure she knows how much you love her...

Christy said...

I am so, so sorry. I went through the same exact thing a year ago. Reading your post made me cry. Thinking about my Granny.

Is there anyone there with her now?

eurydice said...

thinking of you! and wow - to be alive at 96... amazing!

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