Up until now I have not really addressed the seriousness of my injury and the extent to which it affects my day to day life. It has now been 3 entire weeks since I fell on the ice and broke my tailbone. A silly little couple of vertebrae at the tip of your spine that it turns out are integral to every single movement you make... including sneezing and laughing.
Of course the pain of the first couple of days was unbearable and surprising but at that time I had hope. Hope that in a week I'd feel vastly improved. When the first week came and went I still clung to the idea that recovery was around the corner. Nope. While the pain has lessened the recovery is brutally slow and even 3 weeks later I am mostly unable to preform any of my daily activities.
I can shower but I cannot shave my legs.
I can put on my clothes... even pants with some pain... but not my socks.
I haven't left the house except to go to the ER and the doctor.
I can sort laundry and fold it but I can't carry a laundry basket or load or unload the machines.
I can't put clothes in or take them out of drawers.
I can't dress or undress the kids.
I can't change diapers.
I can cook but I can't get the pots or pans out of the cabinets.
I cannot play on the floor or read picture books to the kids because I can't sit next to them.
I can't go up or downstairs.
I can't sit or ride in a car.
I can't pick up anything that is lower than table height.
I shouldn't pick up Baby.
I can barely sleep since the pain is actually worse once the daily distractions are gone.
And these are the things I must do everyday ALL day now that my mom is gone when Mr F is at work.
It's getting hard to stay positive.
When I spend entire days letting Baby watch TV I feel like shit and like I'm failing to meet her needs. I haven't been to Kid's school in weeks or gotten up to get her ready and I'm starting to feel disconnected from her. I know that things will get better (hopefully). But as the days keeping piling up with little to no improvement it's beginning to wear on me. It's hard enough to put up with a constant grating pain but to do it while failing to meet the needs of my family is emotionally draining. I'm starting to feel pretty beaten down and it's getting much harder to envision things ever turning around. I want to say "this is too hard... I quit", but there is no quitting just another day that is maddeningly like the one before it.
I'm getting pretty scared and overwhelmed. I don't even know how to have a game plan for how to make it through my Monday - Friday. I have 2 more days and then it is game on... full time stay at home parent style. I need to be able to do everything I still can't do on Monday. It's hard not to be mad and frustrated that we're here and not at home in Michigan where I could have help and support on a daily basis... especially since moving here has not brought the economic improvements that it was supposed to.