Saturday, January 10, 2009

The Post Wherein Mrs F Becomes Debbie McDowner

Up until now I have not really addressed the seriousness of my injury and the extent to which it affects my day to day life. It has now been 3 entire weeks since I fell on the ice and broke my tailbone. A silly little couple of vertebrae at the tip of your spine that it turns out are integral to every single movement you make... including sneezing and laughing.
Of course the pain of the first couple of days was unbearable and surprising but at that time I had hope. Hope that in a week I'd feel vastly improved. When the first week came and went I still clung to the idea that recovery was around the corner. Nope. While the pain has lessened the recovery is brutally slow and even 3 weeks later I am mostly unable to preform any of my daily activities.

I can shower but I cannot shave my legs.
I can put on my clothes... even pants with some pain... but not my socks.
I haven't left the house except to go to the ER and the doctor.
I can sort laundry and fold it but I can't carry a laundry basket or load or unload the machines.
I can't put clothes in or take them out of drawers.
I can't dress or undress the kids.
I can't change diapers.
I can cook but I can't get the pots or pans out of the cabinets.
I cannot play on the floor or read picture books to the kids because I can't sit next to them.
I can't go up or downstairs.
I can't sit or ride in a car.
I can't pick up anything that is lower than table height.
I shouldn't pick up Baby.
I can barely sleep since the pain is actually worse once the daily distractions are gone.

And these are the things I must do everyday ALL day now that my mom is gone when Mr F is at work.

It's getting hard to stay positive.

When I spend entire days letting Baby watch TV I feel like shit and like I'm failing to meet her needs. I haven't been to Kid's school in weeks or gotten up to get her ready and I'm starting to feel disconnected from her. I know that things will get better (hopefully). But as the days keeping piling up with little to no improvement it's beginning to wear on me. It's hard enough to put up with a constant grating pain but to do it while failing to meet the needs of my family is emotionally draining. I'm starting to feel pretty beaten down and it's getting much harder to envision things ever turning around. I want to say "this is too hard... I quit", but there is no quitting just another day that is maddeningly like the one before it.

I'm getting pretty scared and overwhelmed. I don't even know how to have a game plan for how to make it through my Monday - Friday. I have 2 more days and then it is game on... full time stay at home parent style. I need to be able to do everything I still can't do on Monday. It's hard not to be mad and frustrated that we're here and not at home in Michigan where I could have help and support on a daily basis... especially since moving here has not brought the economic improvements that it was supposed to.

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Kniki said...

Have you looked into any services offered in your local area? Maybe there is a voluntary organisation where someone might come in to help you. I think it would be worth looking into.

This will get better...try to stay positive!

Me, Myself and I said...

Ditto what Kniki said. I'm sure there are local "do gooder" type organizations that would love to help you out!

Gigs said...

So sorry that things are healing so slow for you. Maybe someone at Kid's school would have names of groups that might help you out. Or maybe there is a young person who could do a mother's helper thing for you. We used to have a few 10-11 yrs old in the neighborhood who would offer that type of service when they were too young to babysit, but old enough to want to make money! At least we know Mr F is the type who doesn't mind putting on your socks and changing the baby. Lean on him as much as you can and we'll continue to keep sending you the positive vibes.

Nann said...

Hang in there McDebbie! This is speedbump in the road of life. You are a bada$$ and you will get through this.

Send me your address on my personal email. I want to send you something.


Christy said...

I am really sorry. Is there any type of physical therapy you can do to help things?

Mrs Furious said...

Hey all,
I have no idea if there is something like that. That's why I hate being someplace new on top of it all.

I'm going to call the sitter we got last month and see if she can come for a couple hours a day while Kid is at school. That way she can dress & feed Baby for me and entertain her (without the use of the TV). Once Kid comes home they entertain each other. I also desperately need a cleaning lady! I'm trying to ration the money so it will be helpful for as long as possible.
If I can get her lined up for next week I'll feel a lot less stressed.

Mrs Furious said...

I have no idea. I don't go back to the doctor until mid February. It seems like you just wait it out. He made it sound like I'd be in pain but I'd be able to do more things like exercise (walking) in a week... I'm not feeling that good yet so I'm disappointed.

will do.

katieo said...

Oh Mrs. F. I know that list. It wasn't exactly the same; I didn't have debilitating pain, I had constant nausea and throwing up. I still have bad days, but they are starting to be interspersed by good days. I know exactly what you mean when you say it feels like it will never get better. I can't stand the effects it's had on my family but the days where the kids watch tv all day are fading...and they will fade for you too.

Some days it is impossible to stay positive. And then I'd feel bad that I wasn't trying to be grateful for all that I DID have. I just wanted to say that you can have hope- even on those days. You can cry and be mad and feel overwhelmed while still holding a tiny flicker of hope that things will be different someday. Because they will be. In a year this will all be a distant memory.

Re: game plan. What's the situation with the hired help? Do you have anyone lined up? or is that what you're scared about?

Mrs Furious said...

I'm going to see if I can get the sitter (a teacher from Kid's school who only works afternoons) to come in the day. But since I still don't know what's going on with Nana I'm still kind of in limbo about how to proceed.

I think I just need to make one thing set up so I can feel that the days won't be so hard.

And it is exactly like being sick with pregnancy... plus a little pain... but overall it totally reminds me of that. The whole "this should be much better by week 12" and then having it get worse until week 30... ah those were good times.

I'm glad you are starting to get better.

katieo said...

And it is exactly like being sick with pregnancy... plus a little pain...

but no baby :(

And I agree, even having one thing set up will probably take a lot off your shoulders. good luck!

Tracey said...

Honey.... I'm so sorry. Other than reaching out for help from the school and neighbors (even if you don't know them), I have no advice but this: Give yourself a break. Laundry can be done by your husband. So can cooking and cleaning the house. Just as if you were 2 adults working out of the house. Or as if he were a single parent. It has to be this way until you are healed.


Sandcastle Momma said...

I broke my tailbone 2 years ago roller skating. Like you, it wasn't a small break, it was a full out broken tailbone. I just want to tell you that it will get better. It took me 6 weeks to be able to do a lot of what's on your list. I know that sounds like a long time but you're halfway there and once I hit that 6 week mark I could see a daily improvement.
Meanwhile, let your girls take care of you. It will make them feel good about themselves and you'll be able to keep that connected feeling you feel like you're losing.
You're gonna make it Mrs. F!

northerngurl said...

Mrs. F, please don't get down on yourself about the kids, they know you're a good mom and you will get through this - get the guilt about the kids off your list of things to worry about. :-) I know that's easier said than done.

Moving is so difficult when things are going right, never mind when they are going wrong! I moved a few years ago and it took me a long time to feel at peace with it.

I really hope you start to feel better soon!

Mrs Furious said...

Sandcastle Momma,
That is actually very helpful to hear! Thank you. I've really just needed to have some kind of hope that this would in fact get better. I can make it 3 more weeks.

Renee said...

Mrs. F...I know this doesn't necessarily help your situation but hope it at least brings a little comfort to know that what you are feeling is completely rationale and anyone would feel the same in your situation-you have a debilitating injury and right now it is hard to see into the future because of the pain, discomfort and torment but IT WILL GET BETTER and YOU WILL HEAL-and children are very resilient and do not/will not think/know any different-you do what you have to do while you are healing and if that means Baby has to watch more tv than usual-IT IS OK-just try to remind yourself that in due time you will be back to your wonderful, fully healed and complete self..and you may even be able to look back on this whole episode and chuckle (and maybe, just maybe people will take pity on you and vote more and you'll win the blog award and become an award winning blogger that can support her entire family w/ her blog-hey-don't laugh-IT COULD VERY WELL HAPPEN!) As hard as it is to accept or hear, I'm sure-it is just going to take frustrating as that is.

I've got feelers out regarding a housekeeper and potential helper in general and plan on talking this over at church tomorrow...I have no doubt that they will have some great resources so I'll let you know as soon as I have more information.

In the meantime-I have nothing pressing going on next week and can come every day to help you-M/W/F-w/ kids...and T/Th morning without...I wouldn't offer if I didn't WANT to do this to help you is hard enough to move somewhere new-even harder when you need some help and don't have the resources/back up support that all moms need at one point or another..even without an injury. I'm lucky that I have some family here but you know my situation there and I know all too well the helpless feeling you have when you move somewhere new and don't have a support system in place-IT SUCKS!!!! PLEASE let me do this small thing until you get things in order and know more about the situation w/ Nana-that will at least take some pressure off and give you time to make alternative arrangements-and who knows-maybe after next week there will be some major progress and you'll feel better and be in a better state of mind.

Sorry this is SO LONG-pithy comments are not easy for me-can you tell?!?! :) HANG IN THERE-HELP IS ON THE WAY!!! Think of it as us helping each other...I'm sure at some point I will need help too and then I'll have someone to call besides my MIL!!!!

Mary Poppins said...

you're allowed to be a bit of a downer. going what you're going through is hell. I remember recovering from wrist surgery when Una was baby's age exactly. I couldn't pick her up for 6 weeks, couldn't change diapers one handed, couldn't do the laundry, or fasten my own bra, or button and zip my pants. There's no way to prepare yourself for how much these injuries will affect your life and your family's, especially when you have small children. my mom was living in europe and wasn't able to come help so she sent money that i used for a mother's helper and for someone to clean. it was a huge help. i'm so glad mame is doing that for you. during those weeks, una spent a lot of time away from me at friends' houses and when she was home she was in front of the tv. i remember feeling the disconnect. it hurt as much as my wrist. but, things got better. we are all fine now and she totally bounced back from that experience, as did I. we're close now and all is well. this is temporary and your relationships with them will be normal again soon. i am so sorry that you're going through all of this.
i'll call you later today or tomorrow. hang in there.

Mrs Furious said...

"Or as if he were a single parent. It has to be this way until you are healed."
I just read that out loud to him ;)
Good point.

Thank you :)

I am in no position to turn down help... I'll take it!
I called the sitter and left a message so I don't even know yet if she can help as is. Thank you and I will of course demand that you let me repay the favor.

I had wondered about that with regard to your wrist.

You know where to find me. Mr F and the kids just left for the afternoon.

Haley said...

I'm sorry things are sucking so hard right now. :(


Sounds like you have a local angel Mrs. F... :)

julie said...

This is so frustrating for you. I didn't even think of all of those every day things that one does that you can not do.

Renee, what a good friend:)

Guilt about the kids? It's easy to for me to tell you to not feel guilty, but I know you will still feel it. The girls will be fine. You are doing the best you can.

I feel badly that this all happened just when you were on the cusp of doing your whole Bad Ass fitness challenge. It bites.

Torey said...

Mrs F
We're broke as a joke right now, otherwise I would so be down there to help you out in a heartbeat. We would even have a free place to stay (N's parents) so Im trying to figure out if Gup and I can make the drive down. That way we could be there when you needed us, and not when you didn't.

Let me work on it.

And, you are SO NOT a failure at anything. Most parents would think nothing of letting their kids watch TV. You CARE about it.

Let me know what we can do from afar. Still thinking of NanaFurious!

Renee said...

You must not know about the rules in West Asheville-no leg shaving under any circumstances (or underarms either!) Something tells me that there are PLENTY of moms at Kid's school with much hairier (is that a word?) legs than you, Mrs. F...hee hee

Mrs Furious said...

LOL... it's true!

Does this mean you lost your job?!?!!!!!!
Please do not do anything that would put you out financially!
OF course I would love to have you to hang out with though.


So fucking frustrating. I could be 23% body fat by now ;) I'm going to be 50% by the time I'm better...

Elizabeth said...

All this is happening during what we not-so-lovingly call "Tech month" over here... we have a show starting practically every week this month, or I could be there on the weekends at least...

If you still need someone in erm... two weeks I can come.

Torey said...

Nope! I'm still fully employed but we had to replace a furnace and put a lot of work on my car this winter.

I'm still working on it!

Missives From Suburbia said...

You can Fedex your laundry to me. I actually enjoy doing laundry. (I don't iron.)

It will get better. I'm sorry it sucks so much right now.

Kristin said...

hang in there! if there was something i could do, i would...

Mrs Furious said...

Oh thank you. Hopefully by next month I'll be in the clear!!!

We replaced our furnace last year... that's a bitch. I'm glad you're still working though!

Somehow I fear that won't be cost effective ;)

Oh thank you. That is very sweet.

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