Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Looks Like Someone May Need A Service Dog

"Okay, you're going to go down the salad dressing aisle. You're looking for canola mayo." Mrs F says to Mr F over the phone.

[silence]

"Okay I see the mayo. Canola mayo?" Mr F asks.

"Yes, CANOLA mayo." Mrs F confirms.

"Okay, now you need to get the smoked salmon. You're going to head straight back to the end of the store." Mrs F instructs.

[silence]

"All the way back. There's a cooler with the pig products: bacon, ham. The smoked salmon is on the left side." Mrs F clarifies.

"I see trout. Smoked trout." Mr F says.

"No. Salmon. The wild salmon. It's hanging up." Mrs F says.

"Wild sockeye salmon?" Mr F asks.

"Yes, wild sockeye salmon." Mrs F says slowly.

"Okay now you're going to get the ground turkey. It's in the case across from the meat counter. It's in a package." Mrs F says.

"Turkey thighs?" Mr F asks.

"No. GROUND TURKEY." Mrs F clarifies.


You see how this is going.

That's just 3 items people.

This is how it is practically every time Mr F goes to the store. Typically fifteen minutes into the conversation I have to say something like..."I'm sorry I can't take this anymore. Just call me when you get to the checkout and we'll review."

11 comments:

Supermom said...

HA HA !!!!

I feel your pain!

Superdad does that to me. He is on his cell while I direct him through the EF!!! HA HA!!!!

He has a list too. THUD!!!

I hope you are feeling better! How's your mom?

Robin said...

Lord, I feel ya!

Fred goes to the store with a list, and unless it is super detailed (brand, type, amount, etc.) he will get it wrong. So aggravating. It's like, don't you live here? Don't you see the packages of the stuff we use? Gah

Rickey Henderson said...

Heh, it's like one of those a bad episodes spy movies of when somebody's tries to explain how to land a plane or diffuse a ticking bomb over the phone.

carrie said...

Annie Sullivan...BWAHAHAHAHA!

Haley said...

Awww, I feel bad for both of you in that sitauation. Kind of reminds me of when I try to buy any sort of automotive fluid and have to call my dad. What kind of oil..? Oh, transmission fluid...? What color is the bottle....?

katieo said...

Aaron can probably work his way through a grocery store pretty well (it's relative though).

But that does not stop him from calling me a minimum of twelve times while he's there. (are you SURE you want tomato paste, and not sauce?") As soon as he's out the door, I go grab the phone and take it wherever I am, "how long do you think it's going to be until Daddy calls?"

Christy said...

That made me giggle. My husband is the same way, except he calls, asks a question, hangs up. Rinse and repeat about 50 times. But I guess I should be thankful he does it.

Mrs Furious said...

Christy,
As annoying as it is I'm with you. Without the phone he used to come back with all sorts of crazy shit... like 10 boxes of jello.


Supermom,
He was at EF. I was thinking it might be easier if I actually drew out a map ;)


Robin,
" It's like, don't you live here? Don't you see the packages of the stuff we use?"
word. It can boggle the mind what stuff just doesn't compute for them.


Ricky,
It is exactly like that. And just as tension filled ;)


Carrie,
I was hoping someone would get that!


Haley,
Don't feel badly for him... he doesn't care. It's annoying to me because it is so excruciatingly slow. Those silences can be several minutes (or feel like it) as he meanders about. He just zones out. Meanwhile I've got the crazies jumping all over me!


Katieo,
" I go grab the phone and take it wherever I am, "how long do you think it's going to be until Daddy calls?""
Me too! That is hilarious.

Surly Rob said...

That sounds like the Mr.F i know.

Hey, sorry to hear about your butt bone. I can't fathom how much that would hurt.

I can't think of a more literal and figurative PIA.

Here is to a speedy recovery.

Rob

Heather said...

Hilarious post!
This sounds eerily familiar when I send Pete to the store, or for that matter give him any task that involves more than two steps.

Mrs Furious said...

Rob,
I love to get the back up! Mr F loves to think I exaggerate this stuff. I wish.

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