Pit Stop

I decided to bump up our departure in order to allow a quick stop over across the state at my mother's house in the woods.


The Knotty Pine Jewel


Feeding the Chickens

Walking the Trails




Picking The World's Smallest Blueberries

Paddleboating

We're Outta Here

I've made a decision.

We're leaving tomorrow.

Homesick

"You think vacation is going to be great

and then

in like 3 days you're bored with it." Kid said as I snuggled her in bed last night.

Out Of Sorts

I've been feeling kind of lonely these days.

I'm surrounded by family. I have plenty of conversation. I just saw Mr F. So I haven't really been able to figure out why.

And then I was lying in bed just wanting to cry. For no particular reason.

What am I missing?

I've thought maybe it's my routine. Maybe I'm feeling so out of sorts because I'm not exercising every night (it really helps my mood).

And all of a sudden it came to me...

I miss YOU.

The back and forth. The support and friendship. The community.

I'm not really here (here on the blog that is). I just pop in every once in a while to keep things relatively up to date for you all. But I don't get the conversation.

And I miss it.

So next time I'm thinking I want to give up blogging, that I don't have the time, I'm going to try and remember how this feels.

At the end of the day I get back everything I put in and more.

And it's worth it.

Otherwise Occupied

This Little Piggy Went On Vacation

I have definitely gained at least 5 pounds on this trip.

This morning I went to put on my shorts and I could not... ahem... fit in them.

Not good seeing as I only have a few things to wear to begin with.

I also have a big honkin' zit on my face, which... not to brag or anything... is pretty much unheard of on me.

Could it be the 2-3 sodas a day? The daily licorice? The chex mix & doritos? The evening cocktail or two? Or the huge dessert served immediately after dinner which I consume whether I am hungry or not (I'm usually not)?

I thought when I got here I'd get plenty of exercise walking up and down the beach. But lo and behold the beach is non existent this year due to the crazy impenetrable stronghold of the dune grass (illegal to pull). So most days we can't walk along it at all. Not with the huge cold front blew through bringing big waves that slap right up to the grass.

And the 30 day Shred? What of that? Well by my 2nd day of driving I had done some irreparable damage to my right knee (yes I did use cruise control... no I don't know why it happened) making it unable to bear weight once past about a 45 degree angle. I'm not kidding. It has been a serious hinderance. It has made everything from getting things off the floor to walking up the sand from the water near impossible... especially while carrying 30 pounds of toys and 30 pounds of squirmy toddler. So due to the lunges and squats and jumping I thought better of paralyzing myself and have shelved the workout until I'm pain free (I'm not).

So today as I button my shorts and then took them back off in disgust I have vowed to give up these things:

NO more soda

NO more cocktails

NO more chips, dips, snack mixes

NO more than 2 cups of coffee

NO more desserts (drastic!)


I AM GOING TO:

drink water ALL DAY

have a half sandwich for lunch

only ONE portioned snack before dinner

eat 1/2 my dinner at dinner & save 1/2 for later in the evening (to avoid dessert!)

walk with the girls on the road everyday

start doing the 30 day Shred (excluding the squats & lunges)

Updates... Of All Kinds

I've probably gained a good 5 pounds in the last two weeks due to my Chex Mix intake. 5 o clock happy hour with cocktails and appetizers is NOT good for the waistline when you are also NOT exercising and have resumed your Cherry Coke addiction to boot.
Maybe tomorrow I'll give it all up and get back on track.
Maybe not.


I sent in the RSVP today. You know the one. It's official... we're not going. While I still have mixed feelings I am confident that that is the right decision.


I lost my sunglasses THE VERY FIRST DAY I GOT HERE. Of course, Target no longer makes them and only had a whole bunch of crazy over the top Nicole Richie glasses to choose from. I now look like this...
And, yes, I know they look completely ridiculous. And I realize that for the rest of eternity I am going to cringe at our summer '09 pictures because of them. But, I swear to God, they were the only ones that suited my face shape.


That's it for now.

And Then Just Like That It's Over

We finally got back in our marital groove... and then... boom... it's over.

Mr F flies out at the crack of dawn.

While I'm really happy that the girls and I get the opportunity to stay, and see the rest of my extended family over the next couple of weeks, this trip has been long. And exhausting.

And

I'm really nervous about the long trip back... now that I know how badly the trip up went.

I mean extremely nervous.

That trip up almost killed me.

It took a good week and half to recover from the stress and lack of sleep.

Next year we're flying.

I Think "Extreme" Is A Subjective Term

Hilariously a woman contacted me in response to an old YouTube video.

She said...

"I work with a nationally syndicated talk show that is looking for families affected by extreme hoarding. If you and your family are interested please call me"

Wedded Bliss

"I honor you for being married to me." Mr F says

"It must be..." He continues

"Not worth it." I finish.

And then we laughed.

Really, really, hard.

Adjustment Period

The neighbors' secured their wireless network. I've got some posts lined up... but I will not be able to return comments (even less often than I have been this trip) reliably (if at all). But keep them up... I do read them... and sometimes it's my only connection to the outside world!

Things are not going as well as I had hoped. Mr F is here and I was really looking forward to seeing him. Unfortunately I kind of forgot how hard it is for me to switch over from fiercely independent, hyper functioning, wonder woman to Mrs F... married to Mr F... who has ADD.

Which he has not been treating.

As evidenced by his maddeningly irresponsible behavior.

As I said to him last night... "Either you are the biggest passive aggressive asshole on planet Earth or you have ADD. Which one? Go get your damn medication refilled."

It's pretty typical for people on medication to think that they don't need it anymore... you know... because things are going so well.

It couldn't be that THE MEDICATION WAS ACTUALLY WORKING could it?

I do get it. I get that no one wants to need medication to function.

But Mr F is not one person living in isolation. He's in a marriage and a family. How he functions affects all of us.

And a decision about whether or not he is going to discontinue treatment is a decision that needs to be made TOGETHER.

In the two days before he came here he slept in and forgot to take Canine to the groomer (also went to work late), didn't take Canine to the boarder on time, and MISSED HIS FLIGHT. That's just two days... and just the things I know about.

So instead of a nice peaceful week together... things... have... been...

difficult

and

disappointing.

People who don't live with adult ADD can't understand how stressful it can be. At times I feel like I'm living with someone with dementia. Other times I feel like I have another kid. It's frustrating for both of us. I want to have an actual partner who I can trust. Mr F means well but he is not reliable.

When we're separated things often get a little worse. Mostly because I realize how much easier it is for me to function without the ADD in my everyday. I don't know. It's hard to explain. But I imagine for a normal family being separated and having to deal with your kids on your own, without a break, 24 hours a day would be harder than it is to live life with two parents present. And for me it's the opposite. And, so, when I have to deal with everything and the ADD I start to resent it, because I've had a taste of what it would be like without it.

And, truthfully, that's scary for both of us.

Being away from it, having a break from every little way it permeates my day to day life only makes it all the more obvious, and annoying, when we're back together.

Mr F has promised to call the doctor when he gets back and to get his medication refilled before I come home.

He's also promised that the next time he decides to go off his medication he will actually discuss it with me first.(And he'll be prepared for the divorce papers he'll be receiving shortly thereafter)

I now know why things have been a bit more out of control... and that does make it a bit easier for me to bear. For there to be an explanation for why things are worse... not that we've all just lost our minds in the last month. And with that there is hope that things can get better again.

Game Face

Playing Tourist

Today we went HERE. You'd probably be surprised to learn that the world's largest moving sand dune is here in Michigan. That first picture in the slideshow is of the main dune climb. Those dots are people. We did it. You can't get the scope from the pictures but the climb is so steep that on the way down you can't see the bottom and have the sensation that you might be running off the edge of a cliff. You pick up so much speed on the way down that people actually lose control of their limbs and end up taking a face plant or two. Kid lost control about 5 times but she didn't let it stop her... she just dusted off and started back down. Baby refused to walk on the sand (an added workout for Mr F on the way up) and I risked my life holding her while running down. I nearly broke my ankle.


Mr F has pictures to come ...

Reunited

Living The Life

10:10 PM Empire, Michigan

Kind Of Wanting To Kill Myself

I was kind of keeping hush hush the fact that there was a job opening at the magazine here in Traverse City. This is a job opportunity that we had been keeping our eye on for EIGHT years. It never opened. We've always wanted to move up here but there is literally only one job opportunity that would allow us to make that move. This one.

A couple weeks ago, right before I left town, Mr F let out a gasp as he was doing his usual job search (always a good idea to keep our options open). After YEARS this coveted position had finally opened up. Even better? He was coming out here to visit us anyway and getting to an interview would be easy peasy.

Meant to be? Yeah that's what I thought.

As much as I am getting settled in Asheville it is not where I want to live. And, honestly, with our current cost of living it is always going to be a bit of a struggle.

You know where's a really cheap place to move to in this economic crisis? The place with the most tanked housing market?

Yep. Michigan.

Yada yada yada... I could tell you how much I'd like to live here. I could go on and on. Just imagine that place you always fantasize about living at... that's Traverse City for me.

Well yesterday Mr F called to tell me that he spoke with the editor in Traverse City... and... the job had been filled.... yester-freaking-day!

So today when I drove into the city it was no longer a drive filled with hope and promise. But instead a drive filled with agony and well... a bit... of heart break. Everything seemed perfect. And better. And CLEANER. And well planned and carried out. The donuts were... well... donut-ier. Seriously. As Kid said "You forget how delicious they are until you are eating them, and then you remember all the times you had them." Indeed. Michigan cider donuts just are better than any other donut. Period. The strawberries I got at the stand were better than any other strawberries I'd ever had. They were like jam. They were ridiculous and we ate them under a perfectly blue sky dotted with white clouds, the tall ship sailing around the Bay in front of us. And I kind of wanted to cry.

As hard as moving is and as much as I would hate the actual process...

We could have had a house ON THE ACTUAL WATER for less than our house in Asheville.

Okay not a lot less. But still... less. By like $5...it still counts. It was still a glorious dream.

Oh well... back to Assville at the end of the month.

Damn it.

A Look Inside

Wondering exactly what it's like "Up North".
Probably not what you are envisioning.

The cottage lies on a strip of land between Lake Michigan and a smaller inland lake. You drive down a wooded private drive to get here. (It used to be really secluded feeling but a few years ago a bunch of rich assholes from Chicago bought up several tracks of land near us and put up a whole bunch of appallingly large summer homes and tore up the woods. They even put in a elevator so they don't have to climb up the dune to their house. I'm just sayin'... We hate them.)

When I was growing up we had a dock and boathouse on the little lake and would catch minnows and turtles. My grandfather had a pontoon boat and would take us all out there with his cocktail in hand and drive us around before dinner.

Now some new assholes moved in next door and are real sticklers about their property line... so... the boathouse was torn down and the dock is kind of falling apart. (Okay enough complaining)

Well when my grandparents built their cottage in the mid 60s this little house was on the property. We call it the boathouse and that is where the girls and I are staying. Up here specifically. The only downside is this...

and this...

and this...

The main house
is a showplace for my grandfather's eccentric collection of big game taxidermy, art, and random stuff. Baby calls it the "Animal House". If you think of the whole Max & Erma's, TGIFs, & Applebee's decor scheme as an actual style then my grandfather invented it. It's kind of intense. Surprisingly the kids aren't afraid.


It's also pretty safe to say that I'm probably one of the only people who's had to say (well in this century anyway) to their two year old "No, no, no.... that's not for kids... that's not safe!" upon finding them holding a rusty bayonet.

The extended family has gone back to their respective homes for the rest of the week. The girls and I are hanging with The Cougar until their return (and Mr F's arrival on the 11th!) and trying to catch our breath... well... I'm trying to catch my breath... I"m hoping they'll catch some ZZZs.

Happy Fourth! (a holiday retrospective)

The weather has been pretty cool since we got up here... but yesterday was perfect. Beautiful cloudless sky while still breezy enough to keep the sun from melting us into the sand. We spent a good part of the day down at the beach... thankfully the water is cold enough that I don't have to worry about Baby running in and drowning herself (that's the one good thing about the frigid water).

Then we had a big dinner out on the deck overlooking a magnificent sunset. Well... the other people did. I ate inside at a small game table trying to keep the dog from eating Baby's ribs. Once it was dark we enjoyed a pretty decent fireworks display put on by my younger sister and her boyfriend. Well... the other people did. I sat inside holding Baby's ears. It was fun.

My mom made some fantastic corn pudding: 1 box Jiffy Corn Muffin mix, 2 eggs, 1 c sour cream, 1 stick butter, 1 can corn (drained), & 1 can of creamed corn. Blend. Bake in greased dish at 350 for 1 hour. Seriously... Yum. Very much like the corn pudding at 12 Bones. Sometimes she puts in a can of diced green chilies.

Also I've been introduced to a new cocktail. It's an alcoholic Arnold Palmer (which I'm not sure what you would technically call since the whole point of an Arnold Palmer is that it's non-alcoholic). Anyway, my sister-in-law arrived up here with lemonade and Sweet Tea flavored vodka. Burnett's Sweet Tea flavored vodka to be exact. Is it just me or is the sweet tea craze going a little far these days? I had my initial doubts but in this instance it is worth it. It was delish and refreshing and perfect for my light weight drinking ways... and there was none of the malty aftertaste of say a Mike's. Look into it.

Now You See It Now You Don't

wink wink