Mr F Calls It

"This is going to be a disaster" he said after hearing my tirade last night.

Word to that Mr F.

Word.

Video Update

I'm Sure It Just Came Out Wrong

Last night while Mr F and I were watching The Bachelorette I thought I'd ask him some DEEP and pressing questions.

"So if we had been killed in a horrific car accident would you update the blog?" I ask.

"Probably. Probably before I told my parents." Mr F replies.

"Well, what if some of them wanted to attend my funeral?" I suggest.

"Oh... yeah... okay I'll get right on it." Mr F agrees.

"Plus you might really need the support." I offer.

"This has happened to other bloggers and they ended up getting a lot of support... hey you might even get remarried!" I continue.

"I could have a "Who wants to marry Mr F?" Bachelor kind of contest." Mr F adds.

Okay. That's not exactly where I was going with it.... but... whatever.

I guess Mr F has his grief plan.

It would be worse if I didn't already have my own.


Let's review them together shall we?

Mrs F's Grief Plan

To sell our house and our belongings (they'd just stir up painful memories) and buy an RV. Travel the country with the girls for a year while processing our grief and writing about our experience in my soon to be published book "Grief Tour" (which will of course be made into a movie).


Mr F's Grief Plan

To date all my eligible readers.


Notice the notable lack of grief in Mr F's plan?

I'm Baaaaaack

I have a lot to say.

I could write a book about everything that has happened over the past 33 days.

But, first, I'll start with a letter:

Dear Mr Truck Driver,

While I completely understand the need/urge to pee in a bottle... and... believe me... if I could have peed in a bottle (I have) while driving (I haven't) I would have on multiple occasions during this trip. However, may I suggest you find a little nook or cranny inside your cab where you could stash it until you can find a good place to throw it away?!! I mean... instead of tossing it out of your passenger window where it will bounce 3 times before striking my front fender?

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

Until we meet again...

Yours truly,

Mrs F

This Trip Has Been Made Possible By

It's Just Like Being There

"Now you can see how stupid you look when you're singing." Kid says.

"I think I look awesome." Mrs F retorts.

Things You Should Know Before You Start A 2800 Mile Summer Driving Trip

When you ask your kids if they have to go potty they will invariably say "No".

but...

That doesn't mean they won't poop in their pants 5 minutes after you pass the Rest Area.

Pit Stop

I decided to bump up our departure in order to allow a quick stop over across the state at my mother's house in the woods.


The Knotty Pine Jewel


Feeding the Chickens

Walking the Trails




Picking The World's Smallest Blueberries

Paddleboating

We're Outta Here

I've made a decision.

We're leaving tomorrow.

Homesick

"You think vacation is going to be great

and then

in like 3 days you're bored with it." Kid said as I snuggled her in bed last night.

Out Of Sorts

I've been feeling kind of lonely these days.

I'm surrounded by family. I have plenty of conversation. I just saw Mr F. So I haven't really been able to figure out why.

And then I was lying in bed just wanting to cry. For no particular reason.

What am I missing?

I've thought maybe it's my routine. Maybe I'm feeling so out of sorts because I'm not exercising every night (it really helps my mood).

And all of a sudden it came to me...

I miss YOU.

The back and forth. The support and friendship. The community.

I'm not really here (here on the blog that is). I just pop in every once in a while to keep things relatively up to date for you all. But I don't get the conversation.

And I miss it.

So next time I'm thinking I want to give up blogging, that I don't have the time, I'm going to try and remember how this feels.

At the end of the day I get back everything I put in and more.

And it's worth it.

Otherwise Occupied

This Little Piggy Went On Vacation

I have definitely gained at least 5 pounds on this trip.

This morning I went to put on my shorts and I could not... ahem... fit in them.

Not good seeing as I only have a few things to wear to begin with.

I also have a big honkin' zit on my face, which... not to brag or anything... is pretty much unheard of on me.

Could it be the 2-3 sodas a day? The daily licorice? The chex mix & doritos? The evening cocktail or two? Or the huge dessert served immediately after dinner which I consume whether I am hungry or not (I'm usually not)?

I thought when I got here I'd get plenty of exercise walking up and down the beach. But lo and behold the beach is non existent this year due to the crazy impenetrable stronghold of the dune grass (illegal to pull). So most days we can't walk along it at all. Not with the huge cold front blew through bringing big waves that slap right up to the grass.

And the 30 day Shred? What of that? Well by my 2nd day of driving I had done some irreparable damage to my right knee (yes I did use cruise control... no I don't know why it happened) making it unable to bear weight once past about a 45 degree angle. I'm not kidding. It has been a serious hinderance. It has made everything from getting things off the floor to walking up the sand from the water near impossible... especially while carrying 30 pounds of toys and 30 pounds of squirmy toddler. So due to the lunges and squats and jumping I thought better of paralyzing myself and have shelved the workout until I'm pain free (I'm not).

So today as I button my shorts and then took them back off in disgust I have vowed to give up these things:

NO more soda

NO more cocktails

NO more chips, dips, snack mixes

NO more than 2 cups of coffee

NO more desserts (drastic!)


I AM GOING TO:

drink water ALL DAY

have a half sandwich for lunch

only ONE portioned snack before dinner

eat 1/2 my dinner at dinner & save 1/2 for later in the evening (to avoid dessert!)

walk with the girls on the road everyday

start doing the 30 day Shred (excluding the squats & lunges)

Updates... Of All Kinds

I've probably gained a good 5 pounds in the last two weeks due to my Chex Mix intake. 5 o clock happy hour with cocktails and appetizers is NOT good for the waistline when you are also NOT exercising and have resumed your Cherry Coke addiction to boot.
Maybe tomorrow I'll give it all up and get back on track.
Maybe not.


I sent in the RSVP today. You know the one. It's official... we're not going. While I still have mixed feelings I am confident that that is the right decision.


I lost my sunglasses THE VERY FIRST DAY I GOT HERE. Of course, Target no longer makes them and only had a whole bunch of crazy over the top Nicole Richie glasses to choose from. I now look like this...
And, yes, I know they look completely ridiculous. And I realize that for the rest of eternity I am going to cringe at our summer '09 pictures because of them. But, I swear to God, they were the only ones that suited my face shape.


That's it for now.

And Then Just Like That It's Over

We finally got back in our marital groove... and then... boom... it's over.

Mr F flies out at the crack of dawn.

While I'm really happy that the girls and I get the opportunity to stay, and see the rest of my extended family over the next couple of weeks, this trip has been long. And exhausting.

And

I'm really nervous about the long trip back... now that I know how badly the trip up went.

I mean extremely nervous.

That trip up almost killed me.

It took a good week and half to recover from the stress and lack of sleep.

Next year we're flying.

I Think "Extreme" Is A Subjective Term

Hilariously a woman contacted me in response to an old YouTube video.

She said...

"I work with a nationally syndicated talk show that is looking for families affected by extreme hoarding. If you and your family are interested please call me"

Wedded Bliss

"I honor you for being married to me." Mr F says

"It must be..." He continues

"Not worth it." I finish.

And then we laughed.

Really, really, hard.

Adjustment Period

The neighbors' secured their wireless network. I've got some posts lined up... but I will not be able to return comments (even less often than I have been this trip) reliably (if at all). But keep them up... I do read them... and sometimes it's my only connection to the outside world!

Things are not going as well as I had hoped. Mr F is here and I was really looking forward to seeing him. Unfortunately I kind of forgot how hard it is for me to switch over from fiercely independent, hyper functioning, wonder woman to Mrs F... married to Mr F... who has ADD.

Which he has not been treating.

As evidenced by his maddeningly irresponsible behavior.

As I said to him last night... "Either you are the biggest passive aggressive asshole on planet Earth or you have ADD. Which one? Go get your damn medication refilled."

It's pretty typical for people on medication to think that they don't need it anymore... you know... because things are going so well.

It couldn't be that THE MEDICATION WAS ACTUALLY WORKING could it?

I do get it. I get that no one wants to need medication to function.

But Mr F is not one person living in isolation. He's in a marriage and a family. How he functions affects all of us.

And a decision about whether or not he is going to discontinue treatment is a decision that needs to be made TOGETHER.

In the two days before he came here he slept in and forgot to take Canine to the groomer (also went to work late), didn't take Canine to the boarder on time, and MISSED HIS FLIGHT. That's just two days... and just the things I know about.

So instead of a nice peaceful week together... things... have... been...

difficult

and

disappointing.

People who don't live with adult ADD can't understand how stressful it can be. At times I feel like I'm living with someone with dementia. Other times I feel like I have another kid. It's frustrating for both of us. I want to have an actual partner who I can trust. Mr F means well but he is not reliable.

When we're separated things often get a little worse. Mostly because I realize how much easier it is for me to function without the ADD in my everyday. I don't know. It's hard to explain. But I imagine for a normal family being separated and having to deal with your kids on your own, without a break, 24 hours a day would be harder than it is to live life with two parents present. And for me it's the opposite. And, so, when I have to deal with everything and the ADD I start to resent it, because I've had a taste of what it would be like without it.

And, truthfully, that's scary for both of us.

Being away from it, having a break from every little way it permeates my day to day life only makes it all the more obvious, and annoying, when we're back together.

Mr F has promised to call the doctor when he gets back and to get his medication refilled before I come home.

He's also promised that the next time he decides to go off his medication he will actually discuss it with me first.(And he'll be prepared for the divorce papers he'll be receiving shortly thereafter)

I now know why things have been a bit more out of control... and that does make it a bit easier for me to bear. For there to be an explanation for why things are worse... not that we've all just lost our minds in the last month. And with that there is hope that things can get better again.

Game Face

Playing Tourist

Today we went HERE. You'd probably be surprised to learn that the world's largest moving sand dune is here in Michigan. That first picture in the slideshow is of the main dune climb. Those dots are people. We did it. You can't get the scope from the pictures but the climb is so steep that on the way down you can't see the bottom and have the sensation that you might be running off the edge of a cliff. You pick up so much speed on the way down that people actually lose control of their limbs and end up taking a face plant or two. Kid lost control about 5 times but she didn't let it stop her... she just dusted off and started back down. Baby refused to walk on the sand (an added workout for Mr F on the way up) and I risked my life holding her while running down. I nearly broke my ankle.


Mr F has pictures to come ...