Get Crackin'

This morning I was flipping through an old Cooking Light magazine. I stumbled on an article about eggs.

You know I try to have the best quality food I can have in this house. I am particularly driven to buy organic produce, and organic hormone free dairy and meat. But eggs? Eggs have always mystified me. There are so many choices, even in the health food store, and under the 15 second pressure I have to make my selection I never can figure out which is "best".

When we're struggling financially eggs just seem like one of those things I'm willing to cut corners on. I hate to say this... but it has seemed to me that what I'm paying for is the quality of life for the chickens. And, believe me, I'm all for that. I really am. Enough to spend $3.79 a dozen... when... we have the money.

When we don't I need it for the diary, produce, and meat. Because that effects (in my opinion) the quality of life for my children.

But am I wrong?

Now that school is back in session and Kid takes a hardboiled egg in her lunch bag EVERY SINGLE DAY I make sure to buy the best quality I can afford. But for the eggs I bake with I might buy a cheaper dozen.

But when I think I've paid good money for good eggs and well treated hens... am I?

Turns out sometimes I'm not.



So here is the label breakdown according to Cooking Light:

Organic
Birds must be cage free with outdoor access
Cannot be given antibiotics
their food must be organic & vegetarian

Certified Humane Raised & Handled
Meet humane requirements for raising and handling chickens and eggs.

Cage Free
Chickens are out of cages with continuous access to food and water.
They may not have access to the outdoors.

Animal Welfare Approved
Independent family farms with flocks up to 500 birds.
Chickens are free to spend as much time as they desire outdoors on pesticide-free pasture.
Cannot have trimmed beaks.

United Egg Produces Certified
Gives food and water to caged hens.

The following terms are unregulated... so... it might not be wise to pay more for them (ouch! I have!! many times!):
Natural
Naturally Raised
No Hormones
No Antibiotics


So that is the long and the short of it. I am still unclear if "Free Range" has any meaning (I believe once I watched an expose that revealed that it did not mean what we'd think it meant). Or what it really matters (to me) what feed the chickens are fed (for our health)... in terms of eating their eggs not their meat. If I can find out I'll let you know.

My Heart's Not In It

I don't know what to say. I guess I'm hitting a blogging wall. I find this happens when I'm actually having a LOT of things roaming around the old brain... oddly enough. It's much easier to blog when stuff isn't going on for me internally. Harder when it is.

I finished my book yesterday.

And cried.

And cried.

And cried.

Baby brought me tissues and said "All done cryin'?"

Kid rubbed my back and sang me lullabies.

I still cried.

It tugged at a tap root to my grief that has never been resolved and rarely validated outside of therapy.

You can only pull out a little bit... it goes down forever and won't release it's grip.

Mr F might be the only one who knows how sad I am inside.

And even he sometimes forgets.




This weekend I told Mr F that he never tells me I'm pretty.

I know he loves me. I know he thinks I'm smart and funny and a great mother.

But I have spent 10 years believing that he doesn't think I'm beautiful.

So I cried.

I reminded him that in 10 years he's rarely complimented my looks.

And every woman wants to feel she is beautiful.

To her husband.

Not just the creepy guy at the grocery store, the volunteers at Habitat, and the man with the dog at the video store.

Your actual husband.

I asked him why he would withhold making someone feel good?

But I realize I do it too.

The withholding.

It's protection.

No One Does Deadpan Better

"Do you love me?" I ask Mr F while he works at his computer.

"Yep." He replies.

"With what level of intensity?" I fish leaning over his shoulder.

"White hot sun." He says without missing a beat or taking his eyes off his screen.

I'm Sorry Folks

but I am reading a book I cannot break myself away from.



"If we lived in the Arizona Territories in the late 1800s do you think I'd be a sharp shooter?" I asked Mr F this morning.

"Yep." He replied confidently.

"Yes but do you think I'd be able to kill people if I needed to protect my family?"

"Yep."

Good. That's what I thought.





People it's good. It's really, really, good.

And gentlemen... you might want to go ahead and get this for your lady friends. You can thank me later.

Close, Closer, Gotcha

So Much For Table Manners

When Baby is nude (or Kid for that matter) Mr F will often come home and say something like...

"I see it's butt cheek time!"

Well... so.... Baby has kind of taken that and run with it a bit. She has taken to announcing that she has both big butt cheeks and little butt cheeks (use your imagination).

At dinner (yes it was butt cheek time... hers not ours... don't worry) Baby said to Mr F...

"Where are your little butt cheeks?"

Mr F just kind of blushed a bit.

Kid piped up "He doesn't have little butt cheeks. He has a long trunk like an elephant."

Changes

The leaves have suddenly decided to turn. While eating on our porch, the other night, the wind carried swirls of yellow all around us. And now our house is getting cool in the mornings. While I lie in my bed, gathering courage to jump out and run to my beloved robe, I know that soon I'll hear the hissing of radiators and the smell of singed air. The girls wake with stuffy noses and sore throats as the first cold starts winding it's way from bed to bed.

Today we traded cold cereal for oatmeal. I shuffled through drawers looking for long sleeved shirts (there weren't any).

I was wondering if we'd be here for Fall. Not sure what would be worse... To be here with no answer? To be here... alone... missing out on the changes with head buried in newsprint and boxes? To be here with hopes depleted?

But now I think the momentum of the changes, still exciting to me, will carry me through... no matter the outcome.

I hope.

Out Of The Office

Field trip today.

6 hours spent with the teacher.

This should be interesting.

And by interesting... I do mean AWKWARD.

*****************************

We're back. I need coffee and pound cake. And some reruns of The Office.

We're all alive... barely. The teacher issues were nothing compared to the torrential downpour while driving down a winding mountain road on the way home... washed out roads.... zero visibility... hydroplaning. Someone else's kid in my car. Getting lost because it was raining so hard I couldn't read the road signs. Baby screaming because the storm was so loud it was shaking our car.

I thought my brain was going to explode from concentrating so hard.

Maybe I'll spike that coffee...

Morning Musings

Here we are Baby and I... it's 9:08 AM.

She's watching Dora the Explorer... because it's never too early to start learning a second language.
And I'm writing to you... because it is, in fact, too late for me.
This is not a typical morning routine but I thought I'd own up to it and take advantage of a few minutes of quiet to pound out a post.

Lately I've had all sorts of thoughts.

I've been thinking about marriage. I've been thinking about this time... in my life... with young children.

I've been mourning the loss of time I can't seem to stop up.

I've been struggling. I've been succeeding. I've been anxious. I've been optimistic.

I've wept with gratitude... and... from the unbearable longing for a freedom I can almost taste... but fear... may not materialize.

I've... been... alive.




Maybe one day I'll have the time and space to sit and write it all down. Maybe one day I'll write a book. I do have something to say.



But, for now, I'll ask you to share the most mundane of the mundane.

I can't help it.

For the last two days I have been wondering what everyone does in the morning.

You know... how you get out the door. Or get others out the door.


Last year, in our house, the morning went terribly. It was the worst time of the day and tears were quite frequent.
Getting up for school was hard on everyone. We are not morning people! We are not early risers! For the first semester I got up and woke up Kid and Mr F. But, there was a learning curve... and it was our first year of school. Mr F has ADD (as I've mentioned) and it is hard enough for him to get to work on time... alone... let alone having to swing by Kid's school (literally on his route to work) and drop her off. They were late... A LOT. It was stressful for me and I let that trickle down. It was hard.

Then I broke myself and the mornings became Mr F's responsibility. He didn't mind. It was a necessity. I needed to sleep and rest and I needed to keep Baby sleeping so that I'd have less time being up and active before Mr F came home to help at night. (Do not ever break yourself... it was a very hard time... that we survived but certainly paid the price for) While I didn't get up I could hear nagging and occasional shouts from my bed. I worried about her getting started each morning on the wrong foot. I worried that it was just too much to ask Mr F to get himself and Kid ready (maybe it was?... of course he never tried getting up earlier). And I missed Kid. It didn't seem like a huge amount of time to give up... but not getting up meant I wouldn't see her from one night until the next afternoon. It felt wrong and it made me sad. I felt a real difference in our relationship and felt she was pulling away from me. It was hard.

Because Mr F loves me and is a kind hearted person he would be willing to get Kid off to school this year too. And while that is certainly tempting... I think we all paid too high a price for that. He was barely getting them out the door on time and because he was getting himself ready too Kid spent her morning either alone or being rushed. When I'm up I'm focused 100% on her. I guide her through her routine and I'm with her. It makes me sad to think back to all those mornings when she didn't have that. Mr F was awake but he was showering and walking the dog while she sat in the kitchen by herself.

So this is how we do it:

The night before I prep some of Kid's lunch.
I also get her glasses and her brush and set them out on the table where we'll be able to find them!

In the morning I get up 50 minutes before Kid & Mr F have to leave for school/work.
I check my email and the weather.
I brush my teeth.
I make coffee.
I fill Kid's water bottle and milk thermos for school.
I get out her lunch box and food containers.

40 minutes before they need to leave I wake Mr F and Kid up.
I snuggle Kid for a couple of minutes and sing her a song and rub her back.
I yell at Mr F to "Get Up!"

35 minutes before departure M F gets up and showers.
Kid and I pick out her clothes.

I ask her if she wants cereal or yogurt for breakfast and tell her to go potty & brush her teeth.
I prepare her breakfast and start on her lunch.


I go back in the bathroom to find her doing something weird and reminder her to "Brush your teeth!"

25 minutes before departure Kid emerges and gets dressed.
I ask Kid what kind of sandwich she wants for lunch.
Mr F walks the dog.

20 minutes before departure Kid eats breakfast and I finish up her lunch.

10 minutes before departure I brush Kid's hair while she eats (no she can't do it herself... it's about 3 feet long!)
Mr F makes his breakfast and lunch.

If Kid doesn't dilly dally she might be done with her breakfast with 10-15 minutes to spare. That happens maybe once a week. On those rare mornings she is allowed to watch a few minutes of TV before school. It's a pretty good incentive. She just has to put her shoes on while she watches.

They have made it to school on time EVERYDAY! Horray! And there have not been any morning fights! I've got our timing down so that it allows us enough time to get everything done without rushing... but doesn't cut into our sleep any more than necessary. Mr F is only responsible for himself and as long as he and I stay out of each other's way... our mornings are mostly peaceful.

After they leave the door I finally get that cup of coffee and then start my day over again with Baby... on a good day.

Most days Baby does sleep until right around the time they are leaving. If she gets up before that she has the potential to throw a serious wrench in our morning routine. We try our best to get out of the bedrooms quietly... but... our house is only one floor and our bedrooms are right off the kitchen. It's hard to keep all the hustle and bustle down while getting everyone out of the house. If she wakes up... she will not be happy. Baby wakes up slowly and wants to be held. That just can't happen for more than a second. I really need to have both hands free and I also want to be able to focus my attention on Kid so she leaves for her day having had a good morning. So on mornings when she does wake up before I'm done with Kid she watches TV until I can focus on her. It allows her to wake up slowly and stay out from underfoot. It's an unfortunate necessity.

That's how we do it.

Sometimes Baby sleeps for a good half hour after they leave for the day. Those days are golden. Today was not one of those days...

Happy Labor Day

I'll get back to posting soon... for now... while Mr F occupies the kids I'm hoping to make up for lost time on the treadmill.

Weekend Update

Week in review... video edition:


Quote o' the day:
"I'm going to tell you something and I'm going to tell it to you ONE time. The oven light is meant to be used to check on something. You love to turn it on and watch things bake. You're going to burn out that light... and it will never get replaced. And that does not mesh with my temperament."

NO that was not said to one of our children.


Target fashion finds:

CUTEST shoes ever and I think they speak for themselves. But if not let me help them along with this... $12.99.

I am loving this cardigan. It is really feminine... almost elegant. It's the kind of thing that takes a regular shirt and jeans and makes it look 1000 times better and more intentional. And it is the prefect weight to transition my tissue weight shirts into Fall. $22.99

Rejoice

I can't even believe it. I actually got them both to sleep.

That's particularly unusual seeing as Baby doesn't technically nap.

I don't even know what to do with myself. The prospect of having 2 potential hours to myself is UNHEARD OF.

I will not be blogging.

I'll be reading... and maybe nodding off a bit.

And eating without being interrupted.

It might even be hot.

Deep Thoughts Abound...

but I'm thoroughly occupied.

He is supposed to nap... if so... perhaps I'll be back shortly.

If not to share my deep thoughts... at least to share my new Target fashion find(s).

P.S. He calls me Mama which is pretty endearing.

Pass Me Some Tape

I need to tape my eyes open.

I've been really struggling to adjust to our new schedule. I know a lot of you are in this boat right now.... or about to get into it. It seems to take us about a full month to get into a good rhythm. It's especially hard on us because not one of us is a natural early riser. We're getting up about 2 hours before any of us consider "morning"... and we're all exhausted by the end of the day. Even with earlier bedtimes our bodies don't think we're getting enough sleep. And it feels like with the addition of school we can't fit everything we need to do into one day. I know it doesn't make sense... but I also know you know what I mean. It's just a huge schedule adjustment and I feel frazzled and stressed and pulled in 1000 directions. I need coffee to wake up and Unisom to go to sleep. My body is just fighting this time change with everything it has.

Add to that the fact that it's 12:45 and this is the first time I've sat down since I woke up this morning.

Which is made worse by the fact that I was already tired yesterday... and so was Baby... which is why she collapsed into a deep dark coma at 5:50PM last night only to get up 2 hours later... and then stayed up until 11:45PM.

I don't love when that kind of thing happens but it's a heck of a lot easier on me when I don't have to get up early the next morning to meet my new charge:
He wasn't scheduled to come today but yesterday afternoon his mother called to ask if he might not come over at the crack of dawn for a little warm up session before being dropped off for a full day tomorrow. I thought that that was a good idea... for him... and for Baby. So I got up extra early. I even showered and put on 50% clean clothing.

Things went very well. He didn't want to leave. His dad was a bit surprised... I guess my awesomeness is a bit unassuming at times.

We'll see how it goes tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be working off more than 6 hours of sleep.

Before and After

Before (weird cheap Target vanity stool... with stained seat):

After:


I'm really excited about this project. I've been reading a lot of decorating blogs of late and am always impressed with what these ladies can do with a little spray paint and fabric. It's made me a bit jealous of their ingenuity and their eye for seeing the diamond in the rough. I feel like I just don't have that. But I started thinking about it. Trying to rationalize that spray paint can't be that hard... can it? So I bought some and then shelved them not having the courage to risk ruining something. And then one day I noticed... fully noticed... maybe for the first time Kid's weird vanity stool that she uses as a chair for her desk in our family room. It looks awful there but it's the right height so I've just let it go. So the other night when I was looking at it I realized "I hate that stool... I can't ruin it!" And I couldn't have if I tried. It was ugly from day one.

So I thought I'd use the red paint I've had sitting around hoping for the courage to use. And I borrowed a scrap of cute fabric (is that not the cutest?!) I'd bought for making skirts with.

And Ta Da! This project took about 20 minutes for the spray painting (I did two coats) and 15 or so for recovering the seat. And both of those were surprisingly easy to do. I just stapled the new fabric on with Mr F's staple gun. I'm sure with a little practice I could do something similar in even less time. I do love a quick, nearly instant gratification, style project.

Kid saw it and said "Oh Mommy I love it."

Then a minute later...

"What happened to my white chair?"

There were some tears after that.

Father Of The Year

"You know when you do that it makes me want to freak out...

and drive the car over you." Mr F admonishes Kid last night.

Happy Anniversary Mr F!

8 down.... 50 or so to go (if he starts working out... about 25 if he doesn't).

Confirmation

Oh. My. God.

That woman is a total idiot.

Thank God I got out while the getting was good.

I mean... COMPLETE moron.

What Not To Wear

"You're not leaving the house like that." Mrs F announces upon seeing Mr F this morning.

"The socks?" Mr F guesses sheepishly.

"Yeah." Mrs F replies.

Mr F laughs and heads back to the laundry room.

If This Doesn't Make You Feel Better About Your Housekeeping Nothing Will

I was over at Amy's place and I've decided to take on her "Let's Get Real 2009: Perfect People Lie" challenge. You know you can always count on me for a dose of reality... and... a dose of bad housekeeping. So I'm in.

I would like you to keep in mind that my house was IMMACULATE on Tuesday. And when I say immaculate I really mean it... I even vacuumed out the couch cushions! I'm not actually saying that to assuage my housekeeping guilt (okay maybe a little) I am saying that so you can take in the full scope of our mess making abilities. It's been less than 5 full days.

So without further ado I'll give you MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW:

Kitchen (seriously people... this is nothing):

Living Room (also maybe one of the best rooms in the house... since this picture things have taken a dramatic downward turn in there):

Family Room (this room is SO messy I needed to break it into two parts to get a shot of all the crap!... and most of this is from TODAY):


Girls' room (Keep in mind that I made their beds with new bedding THIS MORNING):

Office (Okay this room wasn't immaculate. It pretty much always looks like this.... it is the room where all things go to die.):

The bathroom and my bedroom are actually still perfectly clean... I don't want to tarnish our imperfection so I left those off ;)