Too Disappointed To Even Get Into It

Bad offer.
Not just low... obnoxiously low. 70% of asking price... which by the way is priced fairly and 30K less than our neighbors house which was just put on the market yesterday. We're looking at selling the lot since that seems to be the major hiccup... everyone wants the house and lot as one deal at house price. Sadly that ain't happenin' seeing as the lot is worth 60K and that's what we paid and that's what it's worth today. I'm looking at moving the fence to just enclose the house & it's parcel so the lot is clearly A SEPARATE LOT... not just a big bonus yard.
I'm crazy disappointed since these people came 3 freaking times and seemed serious... even their realtor apologized today for the bogus offer. Kind of wish I hadn't gone to Cost Plus World Market and window shopped for our new house yesterday. That just made it hurt more.
Oh and no word or movement on the Ann Arbor house either.
Oh and all the apple trees that line our property dropped their apples while I was gone and it smells you're swimming in a barrel of apple cider vinegar at our house now (not good).
Gah!

Who knows when I'll be back.

Kind of wish I hadn't shut off our internet & tv.

Seriously, what was I thinking?!!!!

Just A Quick Note

To say....

Tomorrow (Monday) at 1 PM (Eastern... so set your clocks accordingly)

We are having a, as of yet elusive, but highly coveted, SECOND SHOWING!!!

Send all your mojo this way. We need it.

I'll return the favor.

I promise.

(1-2 PM tomorrow!, people... don't forget... we need you and your magic powers)

On The Road Again

We're headed back to Asheville to tie up some loose ends (register my car, oil change, car inspection, etc.... forward mail, water plants, kill slugs, etc... pack up some valuables, toys, & paperwork... my step!!!!!).

We'll be there this week and then we'll head north to Michigan on Friday. We should be up there in time for Father's Day with Mr F. I'll have driven 3000 miles in two weeks. I am, by now, thoroughly qualified to write a book about how to travel alone with kids. Maybe someday I will.

P.S. Please, someone, buy our house. I'm ready for the madness to end.

Pirate Booty

Guess what our hotel is next to?
I spent a good hour hunting on the other side of ponds and sand traps.
I then spent a half hour lying on my stomach, at the 17th hole, trying to roll the balls in.
Unfortunately, my travel dress now has sap all over the front, and I look like I went a little crazy with a syrup dispenser.
Thankfully the good people at the McDonalds drive thru don't seem to be so judgey-judgey on the appearance front.

Excursion

The other day we drove up the road a bit to see (and hear) the Ringing Rocks.

It's this huge field of boulders, which is somewhat awe inspiring in and of itself.

But the crazy thing is that they ring in different tones when you strike them like bells, or dinner plates, or something else of that sort.
You can see the light colored hollows where many a hammer have gone before us.

We came armed with hammers and wrenches. (FYI hammers work best)

Right before we left, I realized that the pictures would be meaningless without an audio to go with it:
Sadly not the best ring to capture but you get the gist.

Happy Birthday To Me

No wishes necessary.

I already got to pick a deer tick off of Baby's ass... and that was all the excitement I needed to feel fulfilled.

It's good to be here. My Dad is a very kind and loving grandfather. We've been swimming and hot tubbing and... apparently... ticking. I hope to post pictures of their amazing house (converted 1700s barn) and crazy bamboo forest (over 150 varieties) and exotic gardens and koi ponds and whatnot. A botanist used to own this house and it has a mysterious secret garden sort of feel. It's also psychotically dangerous as the entire property is steeper than a 45 degree angle and practically vertical with stone steps to climb and crack your head open on. Barn stairs are highly polished wood and only 5 inches deep and almost completely vertical. It's a horrific death trap. The kids love it. Baby is a *do- it-yourself-er* and so my dad, his wife, and I are pretty much on verge of cardiac arrest at all times.

That's all.

I don't have to clean or cook.

What more could I want?

Low Standards

"Ooh Mom! They have a mirror!" Kid yells enthusiastically upon entering our hotel room.

"Yes!" I call back sarcastically, lugging our bags and pillows through the hall like an overwhelmed octopus.

Berry Berry Scawy

Tomorrow all my connections to the outside world are shutting down.

We're hitting the road to Philly to hang out with my Dad and visit with my grandmother.

The plan is to take a break for a week (If you count the fact that I have four long days of driving "a break")

Then come back and pack some stuff. Mow. Then leave.... for.... ?! Who knows?

I have lined up a bi-weekly lawn job ($35.... deal!)

And I have just disconnected our phone, tv, and.... gasp... internet for tomorrow.

And I've packed enough clothes to last for a month.

So...

Maybe we'll come back and maybe we won't.

Only time.... and a tenuous internet connection... will tell.

For Real

"Hey Mom, Do you wish the statue helped sell our house AND kept it from falling apart?" Kid asks.

"Yep."

So Someone Explain To Me...

How I got peed on in the night AND DIDN'T NOTICE?!

Sure I was taking a shower in my dream...

But, you'd think lying in a pool of cold piss would wake a person up.

It wasn't until Baby said something that I woke up to answer her.... and even then.... I didn't notice the bed was sopping wet.

It wasn't until I put my hand down to roll toward her that I realized there was a huge puddle of pee soaking into my mattress.

So I hurriedly stripped the bed.

Phew, it hadn't penetrated the egg crate...so... the mattress has been saved!

And I run it all into the laundry room.

I get the load started.

Then I look down and realized my shirt is completely soaked with pee.

WTF?

How did I not feel that?

So I take it off and stop the machine.

But, of course, the stupid thing won't let me unlock the door.

I walk to the bathroom and find an old shirt.

Put it on.

Wash out my night shirt.

Then I realize...

My underwear is soaked.

My entire side is wet and sticky with pee.

I couldn't believe it.... I started to wonder...

IF I PEED?!

No, Thank God.

But still.

I wasn't even drinking last night.

Got Scissors?

I happen to have a pile of old basic long sleeved shirts I got at Target when I was nursing Baby. Read: they are ridonkulously shapeless on me now, so they just sit in my dresser.

Take basic long sleeved shirt:

Cut off the bottom hem.

Cut up the middle of front of shirt.

Just eye ball it! It is jersey it will roll! No problem!

Cut sleeves to desired length so they will roll too. (And so it looks intentional and not like you just cut up a shirt.)

My shirt had a crew neck collar. I just trimmed off the ribbed fabric but left the stitching around the neck opening.
You could cut it off. It doesn't matter!

Okay!


Put on the cheap outfit you bought at Target because it was 90 out and you don't have any tank tops or shorts that fit. Elastic waists are in! yay!

Then throw on your new cardigan so you don't feel so trashy at the grocery store!

If you are the kind of person who can pull off the tied up look you can do that too:

Of course I am not that kind of person, so I do beg your forgiveness for exposing you to that.

Alright, have at it.

White shirt... I'm coming for you.

Gah

I'm hitting one of my walls.
Could be all the end of the school year crap.
Or the waiting all day for the air conditioner repair man.
Or the check I wrote him.
Or the slight sadness at selling off all the kids outside play stuff.
Or the more than slight annoyance at waiting all day for people to come pick it all up that then didn't show.
But do now have my address.
And will come murder me tonight.
Or it could be the fact that all I've eaten today is cereal, hot tamales, & chex mix.
And coffee.
It might be 85% that.

I Don't Know How I Managed To Pull This Off Either

This is the last week of school, folks! And with that also comes the subtle pressure to say farewell with some sort of meaning.
And by meaning I mean cold hard cash (as requested... yes... people... as requested) and thoughtful homemade gifts (because that's what is right).
What else?

For Kid's teacher, whom I've never learned to like, I made a small little jewelry case. It is padded with felt between two layers of the print fabric. The inside has three elasticized flannel pockets to hold a few pieces, and it ties shut with the ribbon. Honor me people, because this was a lot of work for someone I don't actually like! I bought a pair of earrings at Cost Plus World Market for $5 and Kid put them in the pockets.

And, yes, Kid's misspelling of her name makes the gift for me. I just read that as "To Belch" and start laughing my ass off.

For her assistant teacher, a kindly, loving, grandmotherly storyteller, Kid made a pillow. She drew Ruth telling a story with Kid imagining it. Kid loves Ruth and I'm thinking this might make Ruth cry.


At Kid's school there is only one class per grade, so they have been together for the past two years. Kid worked on assembling friendship gifts to give her friends as goodbye presents. This year she and her class are The Dolphins so we ordered a set of sea animal Silly Bandz and tied them onto little cards.

Step One

Pray for us, people.
We haven't *self moved* in... oh... 15 or so years.
Let's hope Mr F and I are still married by the end of the day.
Seriously.
Seriously.

If this mini-move goes well we will be attempting Step Two sometime this summer.
Step two will involve a 26 foot U-haul truck.
Driven by the bald guy.
Yowza.
Try not to think about it.
Oh, and, stay off the roads.

Good Morning To You Too

This morning I stumbled out of bed in my underwear racing to get the phone.

Kid trailed behind me.

"Only one layer to hair!" She cries out enthusiastically.

"What?" I reply confused.

"Only one layer to hair!" She repeats staring right at my underwear.

"Oh... GOD." I say cringing.

Kid cackles.

I cry inside.

Bitch Fest Friday

I'm feeling kind of stressed out and pushed to my limits today. I had to have words with our realtor whose slogan "Keeping It Simple" turns out to mean: Keeping it simple for him, not us. As in not responding to my emails or replacing our painfully empty flier box. That kind of thing can piss you off when you are going to pay 30K in realty fees.

On top of that mini drama I had to make 36 mini pineapple upside down cakes for Kid's Ocean Feast today.
She's also had the shits for two straight days worrying about her line in the presentation today. So that's been fun for everyone. She was two hours late to school yesterday because she couldn't get off the pot.

So even though it is the aforementioned Bitch Fest Friday post let's try and focus on the positives shall we? There are so many ;)....

Today is MY LAST day watching the toddler! That's good.

This weekend Mr F is coming down. That's good.

Next week Kid has school on Tuesday & Friday. That's annoying... but then she's out of school. That's good.

Next week is also my last week of sitting. That's good (although I'll miss the baby terribly).

And then hopefully someone will come and want to buy our house. That would be great.

Either way I made it. At the end of next week I will have made it to my goal of getting Kid through the end of her school year. I'll have made it through 3 months of single parenting. And then I have some options. They might not be ideal, and might involve me driving all around the country with two kids, but I won't have to clean my house every day, get up at the crack of dawn to watch other people's kids for $7/hour, and I won't be mowing my lawn in the blazing heat 3 days a week. So I have all that to look forward to. Oh... and... adult companionship.

And That's Why 7 Year Olds Don't Write Parenting Books

"Please just lie down and try not to do anything annoying." I ask Kid as she climbs into bed for her book time.

"Your sister has already made me so mad that I'm kind of in a bad mood." I explain feeling apologetic.

"I know!... and that hardly ever happens." Kid remarks.

"Well, I try not to let it." I say smiling.

"But, tonight when I threw that towel, it was because I wanted to slap her." I confide.

"Next time you should slap her." Kid says enthusiastically, a sly smile creeping across her face.

So Get This

The people in here today want to make an offer...

FOR SIXTY THOUSAND LESS THAN ASKING PRICE.

Um... no thanks.

A Departure Post

aka Things I'm Kind Of Loving For The New House (should we get it):

This headboard for me please:

And since that is never going to happen, how about this fabric to slipcover my current headboard:

I think it will look really nice with my grey bed linens which are new and not going anywhere.

This fabric for the girls' room drapes:
I love the girls' current room and we're keeping just about everything the same that we can. I think that fabric is going to look fantastic with the wall color, the black beds, and their canopies. I think I'll also maybe get them THIS bedding sets to finally unify the beds (maybe... I'm not sure... I need to see this in person... it will hide puke stains well though)

This wallpaper for the sunroom/music room off the living room:
See it here There is only one full wall in that room so it would a good place to experiment with wallpaper... so don't worry it won't overwhelm the space.

Home

(bathing suits)

Kid is doing well. The virus did not ravage her the way it did Baby. She still smells of nail polish remover (ketones) and is hardly eating. I'm extremely tired. Maybe the drive. Maybe I'm fighting their virus off. Either way I dropped Kid off to school still in my PJs and that is the first time ever!

I called the showing schedulers and changed my one hour notice to a two hour notice. I need to get some control over the madness that has been the last couple of weeks. Maybe if I take better care of myself better things will come of it? We've had daily showings (please not today)... but still no offer. Frustrating. I just want to move on.

Two more weeks left of school (kind of... next week is a whacky and annoying Tuesday & Friday only...wtf?).

Two more weeks of babysitting.

And then what?

Sleep for one.

Really hoping we get an offer before then (please) so we can have a solid plan to work towards.

Maybe we'll hear some good news on the Michigan house this week.

I need to leave soon. It feels like I'm watching something die... slowly.

Mr F is trying to come down for the long weekend. Maybe we'll get a Uhaul and start loading some things for him to drive back up.

I also probably need to hire someone to come help me pack and sort.

We'll see.