Finding My Motivation

Before

After

In case you don't have xray eyes... the bin is full of my overflowing collection of sewing supplies. This has NOT been an adequate storage system. Anytime I tried to find anything I'd end up having to rifle through the entire bin... and as is always the case... I could never fit everything back in.

My bin and overflow and sewing machine were crammed in the bottom of this closet. The closet also holds our *dressy* clothes and Mr F's more occasional foot wear.

I took the hanging sweater shelves from my bedroom closet (what was the point of having it in there... they were empty and my clothes were piled on the floor in front of my closet anyway). I took out all my fabric and folded them and put them away on the shelves. Now I can see everything I have (and get to it). I can also keep works in progress on them where I can see them but they are out of the way of preying hands.

I took 3 small shoe box bins and sorted out ribbons, thread, and patterns into them.

I have a larger bin with paints and another with misc sewing notions.

I found the plastic shoe organizer (that had been left in the basement since the move) and filled the pockets with the rest of my craft supplies. Everything is now easy to see, get to, and keep organized.

There was still plenty of room for the clothes and shoes...

And I not only now know where the tape is...

I can finally shut that closet door!

Near Miss

The other day I had to run into my Mecca for a quick return and a few purchases. I commended myself on successfully avoiding the snack bar (or whatever you call it) and then did something really (especially in retrospect) STUPID.

Now I think Baby's personality has been well established as has her fearless love of danger.

Well... when we got to Target and I only needed a few things I decided that we could try not taking a cart (she just throws stuff from it anyway) and try walking through the store with a little basket.

Yes (again in retrospect) it was kind of like the night (4 AM) that I decided to try walking Canine (4 months old) without a leash (in NYC). That didn't end well (me lunging out into traffic to tackle him to the ground).

Either did this...

So we're walking through Target. It was midday and so pretty empty. I needed to pick out some girls shirts... Baby REALLY enjoyed reorganizing the stacks of clothes in the girl department (don't worry Target employees I did my best to put everything back). Then we needed to get a few more things in the baby section.

Baby REALLY liked to reorganize the clothes in the baby section. And after awhile I had what I needed and we needed to move along. But Baby wouldn't. So I thought about what to do and I decided to bust out the Old School "I'm leaving" and slowly walk away. I did this pretty loudly and a couple other moms saw me and heard me and may have snickered... this comes into play with the embarrassment factor I was about to endure.

As I left the section Baby kept in a parallel line with me. She wasn't coming out of the section but she was keeping up with me and could see me. I thought that was a good sign. When I made it to the end of the section I decided to step around the corner and wait a second.

Of course she would come running.

Right?

I mean that is what happens... right?!

Two seconds later (literally) I pop back over to her side of the section.

Baby is gone.

GONE.

I am running and frantically looking under all the clothes.

How far could she possibly get?

How did I end up in a horrific Lifetime Original Movie about child abduction?!!!

I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!

I'm starting to panic and hate myself and wondering how to get the store LOCKED DOWN.

She's two for crying out loud and would happily run out the door and into TRAFFIC!!

She's faster than the speed of light!!!

Then I saw a glimpse of something small, moving quickly, through the shelves of boxes of strollers and car seats.

It was Baby.

She saw me and then put some serious gas on it.

She tumbled through the display to the other side of the divider and took off down the other aisle.

I had to run all around the entire section to get around the divider and catch her taking off to the back of the store.

I did catch her.

She was not scared.

She was thrilled.

Because I Care

That you have some sort of new entertainment everyday (no matter how lame)...

Birthday Pie


I have been making this pie for the last 8 years. Mr F has been a life long Apple Pie fan and would have said that was his favorite... until the first time he sampled this. This has been his birthday "cake" ever since. This is seriously THE BEST fruit pie I've ever had. The blend of rhubarb, strawberries and blueberries is both sweet and tart and has much more depth of flavor than the traditional strawberry and rhubarb combination. We also really like that this pie is only in season in May so it stays a special birthday treat that we look forward to all year. Try it!

Triple Delicious Pie
taken from BHG May 2001, Prize Tested Recipe

1.5 c sliced fresh rhubarb (3 stalks)
1 c sugar
3 T quick cooking tapioca
1.5 c fresh blueberries
1 c sliced fresh strawberries
1 T lemon juice
1/2 t vanilla
dash ground mace or ground nutmeg

1 recipe Pastry for Lattice-Top Pie

In a large bowl stir together sugar and tapioca. Add fruit, lemon juice, vanilla, and spice. Gently toss to coat fruit. Let mixture stand 15 minutes, stirring once. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 375 F.

On a lightly floured surface roll out one ball of pastry to a 12 -inch circle; carefully transfer pastry to a 9 -inch pie plate. Trim pastry to 1/2 inch beyond edge of pie plate.

Transfer mixture to pastry lined pie plate. For lattice top, roll out remaining dough as above. Cut into 1/2 inch wide strips. Weave strips on top of filling to make a lattice. Press ends of strips into rim of bottom crust. Fold bottom pastry over strips; seal and crimp edge. Cover edge of pie with foil. Bake for 25 minutes. Remove foil. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes more or until top is golden brown and juices are bubbly. Cool.

Pastry for Lattice -Top Pie
Stir togehter 2 cups of all-purpose flour and 1/2 teaspoon salt. Cut in 2/3 c shortening until pieces are the size of small peas. Using a total of 6 to 7 T cold water, sprinkle 1 T over part of mixture. Toss with a fork. Push to side of bowl; repeat until all is moistened. Divide in half; form each half into a ball.

The pie makes 8 servings at 390 calories a piece.



Notes:
I always find it easier to mix the rhubarb with 1 c blueberries and 1.5 c strawberries (just reversing the amounts listed in the recipe) because blueberries are sold in 1 c clamshells at the store and it is just so much cheaper and easier... equally delish.

Yesterday I used OJ instead of lemon juice because I forgot the lemons... tasted the same. I also just dumped the sugar and tapioca on top of the fruit and mixed... and thought it was actually easier to mix it through the fruit.

I also (hey it was a stressful hour!) forgot the vanilla and mace... still it tasted the same.

Oh and I brush my pastry with an egg beaten and mixed with a splash of half & half (milk will do) to make it golden and glossy.

I Am So Freaking Excited!!!

A couple of weeks ago Kid's teacher convinced me that I should apply for financial assistance. I had hesitated just because I guess I couldn't justify taking money for something that is not a *necessity*... it's just my nature not to ask for help. Then I worried... and kind of assumed... that we might not qualify. But as I thought of the other families I thought... there is no way in hell that they are not doing better than we are... no freaking way.

So I applied.

And we got it!

No not a full ride... but a $200 a month reduction.

And that is some serious groceries!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

You Wish She Was On Your Team

Confirmation

The other day I was picking up Kid at school on our way to the library with a friend of mine and our children. I like this woman a lot. We have a surprising amount in common despite our near 20 year age difference.

She's smart, talkative, sarcastic and somewhat intimidating.

When we got out of the car at pick up she asked me how my day was... and I decided the time had come to reveal something personal and quirky... my love of the Amish.

"Great" I replied somewhat uncharacteristically.

"Really?" She responded eyebrows raised.

"Yes... I got my new Amish romance novel." I said slowly and suggestively.

And that's how it started. I told her all about the books. I told her everything I know about the Amish. We went to the library and I picked out a good one for her to start with.

I was a bit nervous though (possibly even somewhat embarrassed) and apologetic... also picking out a piece of true literary genius (Big Rock Candy Mountain) to balance out the potential lowbrow-ness of the Amish novels.

All weekend I've been sucked into my latest book. And when I say sucked in... I mean it... I want to take it in the shower with me... I'm tempted to read a bit at red lights... on the treadmill... in the bathroom... while I'm cooking. Yet I worried about my friend. What was she thinking about her venture into Amish romance? Would she think less of me for suggesting it? Would it somehow alter her opinion of my intellect?

I need not have fretted so. (hey that kind of sounded a little Amish)

I saw her today at pick up. She bounded out of her car and said...

"Thanks for the crack!"

This Week The Plan

Well this is about the third week in a row that I have been diligent with my exercise and food journaling ALL week... only to totally sabotage myself EVERY FREAKING weekend. I'm actually quite pissed with myself since at this point I could have gotten where I want to be already if I had been able to allow myself to stay on course.
As I said in my food journal today... I will not disappoint myself this week. Seriously. I really don't want to sit here and do this halfway so that in another 3 weeks I can be exactly where I am right now. I'm done acting out. I want to be successful. I know what I need to do... I just need to do it all 7 days instead of only 4.

Menu:

Monday - pasta w/ meat sauce, peas

Tuesday - Salmon Noodle Casserole, steamed veggies

Wednesday - Shrimp Scampi w/ Linguine & broccoli

Thursday - Tomato & Meatball Soup

Friday - b'day party

Saturday - Fish Tacos w/ Guacamole (I'm using my cornflake crusted tilapia in the tacos... so freaking good)

Sunday - Quesadillas


Errands & Chores:

Monday - grocery shopping, cookie dough

Tuesday - bake & decorate cookies, laundry

Wednesday - get boxes ready for shipping, put away clothes

Thursday - clean kitchen

Friday - no school... clean bathroom


Diet & Exercise:

I'm going to stick to my calorie limit every fucking day. And exercise.


P.S. For those of you who are wondering... I have started having a snack ready for Kid when she comes home (typically a small portion of whatever Baby & I had for lunch) and it has helped immensely in regards to her constant asking for food. It seems if I preempt her she eats and then moves on. Regarding exercise we have walked home as many days a week as we can... also seems to change her entire perspective. If we walk she comes home and just continues being active... when we drive she comes home and continues being passive. Unfortunately we are having quite a rainy season so we haven't been able to walk EVERY day (although we do walk in the rain as long as it isn't pouring).

Things You May Have Missed

This weekend started with me trying to get some time (sans kids) to get some sewing done. Kid came and sat right next to me and rested her elbows on the material that I was trying to sew (at that very moment) and said "Don't you wish you could have a sewing room?" Ah... yes... one with a lock on it.

A little while later Baby started shouting "And Mine" and running around and appeared carrying her wooden mixer and put it up just as I had my machine. And my heart melted. Such a good idea... it really does look like a sewing machine. Now if she hadn't needed to sit right next to me and stick her pudgy little hands UNDER the needle as I was sewing, things would have gone more smoothly. Amazingly no injuries... unless you count my heart attack.


On Mother's Day I did what most moms do... I refused to mother. When you set out to have a day like that you might want to choose a location that can't be accessed from outside. Because nothing is as relaxing as you planned it would be when your children are standing 5 feet away from you banging on the glass of your windows... and alternately staring at you or spying on you.


Kid was really the only one on her game this weekend.

She's old enough to know it is Mother's Day and she was into it. It was kind of hard to explain to her that what I REALLY wanted for Mother's Day was for her to not lie in my bed mooching off my cinnamon roll while I tried to read the rest of my Amish romance novel. Don't worry she got over it when she realized she could spy on me.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Apparently Baby forgot.

Because this morning she woke up about 2 hours early by screaming at the top of her lungs and throwing herself out of bed on her head (not accidentally).

I scooped her up and tried to snuggle her back to sleep... but... she screamed like I was trying to rip her limbs off and scuttled out of the bed and ran out of the room.

Mr F found her in the hallway.

When she saw him her screams (if possible... and yes... it was) intensified as if he whispered "now I'm going to dip you in a cauldron of burning oil" because she turned around ran back in my room and slammed the door in his face.

She ran up to the side of my bed and flung herself up.

I was lying tucked in... thinking... that Mr F was going to keep her and I would go back to bed.

She scurried up over my head and lied down. Across my neck. She weighs 30 pounds.

Amazingly she feel instantly asleep.

I lay there for a couple of minutes wondering what I should do and how long I had to wait until I could do it.

Then I realized that because I had been tucked in my shoulders were pinned down as she lay across them pulling my quilt tight under her.

I was immobilized thinking... "I can breathe", somewhat surprised that I could... but wondered how long until my windpipe crushed.

That's when the panic filled me. I flailed my arms and legs until I could get my shoulders free and pushed her off my neck.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE!

Deep Thoughts Brought To You By ABC

I was watching Grey's Anatomy the other night (are they trying to make me commit suicide or what?!!!) and the theme of the show really resonated with me. Did anyone else watch it? Did you even notice the theme?

In every episode there is a narrator. It's usually Meredith Grey but this week it was Izzy, who is terminal. The theme of the show was that the *big* days in your life are never the days you planned on being big. It isn't your graduation or your wedding... or in my case the birth of my children. The truly big life changing days are based on events you never knew were coming.

This isn't something I had to ponder more than a millisecond. I knew exactly what the biggest day of my life was.

Epiphany

I was reading something and thinking "I should really keep a journal".

It's one of those things I've always felt one should do. And, subsequently, I have always felt like I'm somehow letting myself down that I don't document my days.

Then a slow realization came over me.

And I had a good laugh.

Shopping Spree

I just got back from a major Target trip. I haven't had one of those in quite awhile. Happily Baby complied (mostly). I actually trolled the aisles and even bought myself some nail polish (why did I decide I couldn't move any of it last summer?) and a hat (which Kid insists looks ridiculous... so... that might go back... because...well... she is a model and I guess she would know). And my favorite kind of underwear (I'm sure you wanted to know that). It always amazes me that I can wear through underwear in a year... maybe I should stop buying it at Target.

Baby, for one, LOVES the underwear section at Target (and interestingly men do too... I always see men driving their carts through there as if it was on the way to something... its not). She always gets very excited about the bras... "MOOMIES!!!" she shouts and lunges herself from the cart to touch them. She was greatly disappointed that I wasn't buying the padded "teenager" bras that were covered in hearts and rainbows. I was a bit disappointed that she didn't insist on wearing one for the duration of our trip... that would have been funny... next time I might suggest it.

I got the girls much needed sandals (I may have even found a pair that passes Kid's ridiculous "Nomar" tightening fixation) and miracle of miracles I found soft jersey shorts in the girls section for Kid. This is a big deal because Kid needs a medium in "Girls" but her tastes run toward "Toddler" (and believe me I'm thankful for that) so shopping for her can be really challenging. Mostly because the Girls section is often a bit too teen oriented in style to meet her comfort requirements. So I was really excited to find those shorts and I was really happy for her to put them on and just see how much more comfortable she was in bigger clothes. Why did it not occur to me sooner that she needed a bigger size? Sorry about that Kid but you just keep growing and growing (seriously she'll be taller than me in a year or two for sure). I mean, really, I'm only 3 sizes bigger than her... it kind of freaks me out sometimes.

Oh and I got a nice new trowel. That might not sound too thrilling... but... this week I dug up our front flower beds and planted 40+ bedding plants and did it with a child's plastic sand shovel and/or my hands. It wasn't fun. And I have been sore for DAYS... and digging clay out from under my fingernails.

In other news I've got some big Thank You gift boxes to prepare and ship out next week. I've got a couple of families I'd really like to honor with a little something or other. I'm excited about it.

More On The Route To Happiness

Busy Bee

Running around. Playdates. Library (YES My new Amish romance novel is in!!!!). Maybe Donuts (shh).

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

I have been pretty conscious of my own happiness level lately. Why? Most notably because I am happy. This has been quite a year for me... and mostly not a good one.

Just about a year ago is when Mr F's parents came to visit... and I infamously blogged about their visit... resulting in...well... a catastrophic shit storm.

Mere weeks later Mr F was offered the job in Asheville and we literally went from living a normal life (cluttered, hoarding issues included) to selling our house and buying a house and moving 600+ miles in less than 6 weeks. That was a time of incredible stress... that was only bearable due to the tremendous amount of pressure and resulting adrenaline.

Unfortunately things didn't really take an up turn after we got settled in. I entered a pretty low point and was definitely suffering from situational depression having lost all my friends, family, routine... and... my therapist when we moved.

I stopped working out and watching what I was eating, and while I miraculously didn't balloon to twice my size, I forgot how important those things are in terms of feeling in control of my life.

Oh and there was the freelance and financial hits from Mr F's job to process... and our new crazy budget to contend with. And the weekly stress of cutting back without ever getting a reward (a new and humbling life circumstance).

Then I broke my tailbone... and the ensuing depression and unbearable pain... for MONTHS. Oh and the medical bills. And the not working out... or even sitting down... or having fun. For MONTHS.

And then we lost our health coverage. Remember that?!

Mrs F where is the light?

I'm getting to it.

After all that we still had to struggle with our taxes and settling bills AND selling Mr F's car (which we owned outright) just to keep ourselves out of debt. Which we did.

And now there is light.

Seriously. I no longer hate Asheville. Would I pick it? No. But I'm not unhappy here anymore. I can see the advantages... and... for now there are some. My children are happy and healthy (whew!) and Mr F is fulfilled at his job. And while we are not financially where we want to be we are emotionally where we want to be... and not everyone can say that.

Our marriage is better than it has ever been. Proving that personal fulfillment is very important... even if it isn't your own.

And in a way I am fulfilled... because I want to have a happy family... and I do. And I am cognizant of it.

And I'm proud of myself. I have been working very hard to keep this ship afloat even during times that it felt like we were drowning... and I did it. I did it by myself and I saved us. We're floating. And that is fulfilling too.

Randomness Of The Day

I just spent my morning scalding my hands on waffle steam as I tried to get a two week batch done during what has become known as The Great Waffle Debacle. You know how sometimes, randomly, your waffle maker's (if you have a really cheap $7 one) nonstick surface becomes a stick surface... and no matter what you do... your waffles split when you try to get them out (hence the steam burns) and you spend the next hour oiling your irons and opening your waffle maker a tiny crack and trying to shimmy the top down with a butter knife? Yeah well that is what happened to me this morning. I'd be damned if I was going to have to toss two weeks worth of waffle batter... so struggle through I did. Baby kept herself occupied by "washing" the dishes... thanks for the help. And asking me for "peme in my mouth" (turns out Mr F shoots whipped cream in the girls mouth)... and I obliged. Hey... anything to keep her occupied for a second.


Also, for no real reason, I've been meaning to share that Baby has been in that common 2 year old phase of needing to bring a whole bunch of random shit with her wherever we go. When we walk to get Kid from school the stroller basket is chock full of all sorts of household items. She'll actually keep running back in the house saying "my cup, my book, my spoon, my spatula, my this" as she grabs whatever randomness (luckily for her we keep a lot of randomness right by the door) she can find. You can actually see her scan a room like The Terminator looking for whatever would be the most embarrassing and cumbersome thing to make me carry out in public. Well, today I told her I wanted to go to the fabric store (usually she yells NO at me when I suggest any type of errand... but she was doing dishes and so was in a relatively good mood) and she said "And my napkin?" "Yes." "And my egg thing (egg slicer)?" "Sure." And thus began our negotiations. I'll be the frazzled lady at the store with the kid in the cart holding an egg slicer. Bring your eggs. And if you are ever wondering how someone's car can get filled with shit... look for a carseat. That might be your answer. Hopefully next time I make egg salad I'll remember to check the car for that damned slicer.

This is Baby getting ready for the car (behind her is her stash):

basket of tampons and extra Old Spice deodorant, box of panty liners, napkin, egg slicer, whisk, and wipes tub full of markers. Some people would say "Set some limits... tell her no". Have you seen this child. She's freaking adorable. You tell her no. Just kidding... really... with Baby I chose my battles. If I want to go to the fabric store... carting around a tub of her shit is a cross I'm willing to bear. Plus... she often says "Pease".

If This Doesn't Make You Feel Better About Your Housekeeping Nothing Will

This Week The Plan

Menu:

Monday - Fish tacos w/ guacamole

Tuesday - Tomato & Meatball Soup

Wednesday - Shrimp Scampi w/ Linguine

Thursday - Pan Seared Steak Bites, Potatoes, Corn & Cilantro (recipe to come)

Friday - Pizza

Saturday - Steak Sandwiches on "Easiest Loaf of Bread"

Sunday - Pasta w/ Meat Sauce (recipe to come)


Errands & Chores:

Monday - groceries, laundry

Tuesday - fabric store, plant front flower beds (holy moly!)

Wednesday - library, put away laundry

Thursday - unpack my summer clothes and pack up winter

Friday - pick up & vacuum

Saturday - get hostas


Diet & Exercise:

Still tracking on the food diary blog. Still upping our daily activity (walking to get Kid from school, grocery shopping & library trips) & trying for 6 hours of cardio on the treadmill. Still haven't set up my pilates reformer... but desperately need to!

Apparently

It's not a good idea to whisper softly to your child as they are about to go to sleep...

"Do you hear the animals?"