Worst Case Scenario

If there was a Mother's Worst Case Scenario Handbook...

This would certainly rank in the Top 10:

Yes... That would be neighborhood construction that inexplicably starts right as you put your baby down for a nap.

Like She Was In On The Joke

"You're making me nervous!" Mrs F exclaims to a naked Kid.

"It's like you're on Crack Cocaine this morning!" Mrs F continues.

Kid cackles wildly, menacingly brandishing a wooden spoon, as if to prove the point.

Belated Birthday

I promised Kiki I would reveal Mr F's 40th birthday present...

I was looking for something meaningful... unfortunately I didn't start looking until 2 days before his big day.

Mr F recently went to Asheville for a job interview and when he left (beautiful suit in tow) he was wearing a freaking plastic Target watch. Why? Because yet another leather band has broken... and this most recent one actually can't be replace.
So I thought that I'd get him a metal watch and band... one he'd be able to hold onto forever (conceivably).

Well when I started looking a stumbled upon this...

Which looks astonishingly like this...

Mr F got me this watch for our wedding. He picked this one because it goes so well with our matte finish thick platinum bands. Seeing as this Men's watch was nearly identical, and it was somewhat sentimental in that it was reminiscent of my wedding watch (same brand and style), and I knew he'd like it since he'd picked out mine, it was a done deal.

He got it the day after his birthday which, although disappointing to me (especially since I paid for the expedited shipping), didn't bother Mr F one bit since that is his usual gift giving MO.

Happy Fortieth Mr F!

Oh Good Grief

After a long car ride back from Kid's field trip I quietly asked Kid

"Is Sissy sleeping?"

"No... but she is a mess." Kid replied.

What? I thought to myself...

and then I opened the car door...

OCD Anyone? How About A Good Old Fashioned Phobia?

I just finished watching the crazy OCD Oprah with Dr Oz. Did anyone see this show? The show featured 6 OCD suffers and followed them as they went through an intensive treatment weekend. Most of the participants suffer from extreme germaphobia. These are men and women whose lives are literally crippled by their obsessive compulsive thoughts and actions. While watching it I was reminded of how easy it is to dismiss someone else's experience when it doesn't match up with our own. I don't have one ounce of germaphobia and of course I can see how irrational that fear is... but it reminded me of my own.

I have such a strong, crippling, fear of rats that I can in fact empathize. While, of course, I can more easily avoid rats than they can avoid germs... I could feel and relate to the level of anxiety and trauma they had to go through while testing their limits and pushing through their compulsions. While it would have been nothing to me to touch a toilet seat, or the inside of a dumpster, there is no way in Hell you could get me to touch a rat. Seriously. I would rather be locked into a burning room than locked into a room with a loose rat. I don't even know if I can come up with something worse to me than being in close proximity to a rat... let alone my absolute worst fear... having a rat crawl up my body. I don't even like that I've just typed that. So as silly as their exercises may have seemed to an outside observer I commend them. It is more than I would be willing to do.




And please don't go writing a whole bunch of rat anecdotes... seriously I can't handle it.

I've Tried Them All So You Don't Have To

My quest for "Green" body products has continued. The process has been somewhat laborious and at times confusing. But fear not I've got a few recommendations to make (and yes I'm positive that all these products are completely SAFE):

Kids:


Adults:

Oops almost forgot this little baby:


And yes you are reading that right... I bit the bullet and bought the "crystal". I (like everyone I presume) had been somewhat hesitant to forgo deodorant for the magical crystal power... but people...people... it worked. It is the only "deodorant" to rank as completely safe by the the cosmetics database. Today was my first trial... and even after a 60 minute cardio session my pit (yes I only applied it to one) remained odor-free... while the other was... um... not as fresh. Don't be turned off by the $6.99 price tag, it lasts for an entire year.

I'm still searching for some good hair care products... but I have a lot of those to use up before I start buying new products. Stay tuned.

Want to know more about the crystal deodorant and my other choices (and what not to buy)...

Bones

I'm not talking about if and when Booth & Brennan will ever get together... seriously FOX... stop messing with my goddamn emotions....

No, I'm talking about our actual bones. I had thought, my entire fully grown bodied life, that I had a "medium" frame. For obvious reasons... it made me feel less FAT. I probably would have told myself I had a "large" frame if I thought I could have gotten away with it.

The thing is I REALLY believed this. What else would explain why I always weighed about 5 pounds (okay sometimes 17) over my "ideal" weight of 115 for my 5'3"? Certainly not the fact that I ate with wild abandon and didn't exercise. Must be that pesky medium bone structure I've been hauling around... right?

The best part is I didn't even make this up for myself... an actual Health professional did (okay it was my middle school field hockey coach... what?! I went to prep school. Sports were mandatory). At the tender age of 13 I was told to wrap my right hand around my left wrist (I think the coach had us do this... or was it Seventeen magazine?). If you could overlap your fingers than you had a "small" frame, if they met then you had a "medium" frame, and if they didn't meet you were FAT... er... I mean you had a "large" frame. I probably weighed around 115 at that time and guess what? My fingers technically didn't meet... I could squeeze really, really, hard and almost get them to touch. Now I wasn't fat, obviously, and I'm not a "large" person so the only explanation for this failure to conform to such a scientific assessment of my bone structure was that I was "medium large" or "medium" framed for short hand.

Being 13 at the time that label was burned into my brain... and maybe somehow led to a resignation (partially subconscious even) that I couldn't be as thin for my height as a "normal" person. So I never tried.

All through college my weight ranged in the 116-121 range... except for one summer when I inexplicably gained 15 pounds. I didn't really work out or watch my diet. During this same time I began suffering from chronic body pain. This led me to an Orthopedic Surgeon and he had me get a full set of Xrays. I note this because I clearly remember the Xray technician saying "You have the smallest bones I've ever seen." What?!?! I don't have a medium to medium large frame?!? Lies! I did what anyone would do and pretended she didn't say that. But, I confess, it did kind of eat at me sometimes... this idea that maybe it wasn't my bones that put my weight up over the hump of "ideal".

It wasn't until this past winter when I reached 110 that I realized that I really do have a small frame. I guess it took actually losing enough weight to be able to see my bone structure to finally put my old middle school measurement to rest. Sometimes I wonder if I had had big enough hands to reach around my wrist... if I had gotten the coveted "small" frame title back in my early adolescence if I would have tired harder to live up to that title. Instead I kind of spent the next 18 years of my life living up to the "medium" frame instead.

This all came up again for me after popping over to Haley's place last week. It seems there is a more accurate way to measure your bone structure... by measuring your elbow:


What do you know? Small frame. Kind of wish I had stumbled across this YEARS ago.
Hop over to Haley's for the measurement instructions... then have at it!

Dinner Is Served

After watching an old episode of Jon & Kate plus Eight wherein Kate was serving up some hummus with a tomato & onion salad I was inspired to make some myself. After searching in vain for her recipe I hodge podged a few I found online together. The result was light and flavorful and exactly what I was looking for. It was perfect as a side salad but I think it would be fantastic served on top of a broiled or grilled light fish. The salad marinates a bit in the dressing but despite the olive oil... which mostly remains in the serving bowl... the salad stays very low calorie.

Tomato & Onion Salad

1 pound vine ripend tomatoes, sliced into wedges
1 small Vidalia (or Red) Onion, thinly sliced (about 1/2 pound)
2 handfuls Parsley, stems removed and coarsely chopped
juice of 2 lemons (4-6 T)
4 T olive oil
3/4 t ground cumin
salt & pepper to taste (I used a fair amount of salt)

Combine tomato, onion & parsley in salad bowl. Pour lemon juice and olive oil over salad. Season with cumin and salt and pepper. Toss to coat and let sit to meld flavors before serving.

4 - 1.5 c servings at approx 75 calories each (with dressing left in bowl)


**This recipe is easily changed to a Mexican inspired tomato salad by changing out the parsley for cilantro.


Mrs F Food TV.... You Can Watch Me Make It

This Week The Plan

Well it turns out last week went straight to Hell. Shockingly I still managed to get in 3 hours of exercise and kick some weight loss ass. That's the upside. The downside is apparently I've been slowly destroying our familial connections. Whoops.

Onto This Week:

I feel I'm onto something with the weight loss and fine tuning my maintenance phase. I'll probably write more about that this week. As some of you know I've been kind of teetering at the very top end of my maintenance range, and while this week's loss was largely fueled by stress, I do think I've come up with a better way to stick more toward the middle.

We still don't know about the job. Mr F will be talking with them this week so lets hope I have an update on that sometime soon. I'd really like to move forward on that front but as I've said before I just can't start clearing stuff out until I have the official word. I'm somewhat paralyzed by the enormity of the project.


Menu:

Monday - Tomato & Meatball Soup

Tuesday - Brown Sugar & Ginger Salmon, Veggie Stirfry, and Spring Rolls

Wednesday - date night

Thursday - Tomato & Onion Salad, Hummus, Turkey & Pita

Friday - take out

Saturday - Hamburgers, Coleslaw & Watermelon

Sunday - Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad


Diet & Exercise:
Monday - Friday stick to 1900 calories, Sat - Sunday stay under 2200. Mr F has some crazy freelance stuff going on so I'm not sure how much exercise I'll get to fit in... I'm hoping for 3 - 60+ cardio routines (back to the intense hill intervals).


Errands & Chores:
Kid has been going through a crazy growth spurt and is eating us out of house and home. I'd been trying to limit my shopping down to one or two stores but this week I'm just going to hit them all and restock. That kid can really throw back the food!

Monday - Regular grocery store, clean stove, laundry

Tuesday - Whole Foods & Trader Joes, vacuum stairs

Wednesday - Call Accountant re: crazy ass tax penalty fee !?!?

Thursday - Kid's field trip

Rest of The Week - my mind is blanking I'll update later

Context

We are animals that live on the surface of a planet which is orbiting around a giant mass of fiery gas.

Not To Beat A Dead Horse, But...

Seeing as I had nearly 2000 hits a day during this past week... it appears that you all are interested in the "in-law incident".

For those of you have have been wondering how this came about let me explain. Because it is important to know that I did not know my mother in law (or her extended family) was reading. In fact the whole reason I actually don't feel crippled with guilt is that I know my own heart on this one... and I know I wasn't writing anything about anyone to intentionally hurt their feelings. If I had known who was reading I would have altered my writing.

So what about the infamous holiday letter? Ah yes. The holiday letter. Well the thing is although the blog was a "here's what Mrs F is up to" tidbit... we didn't actually think it would interest many. Let's face it Mr F has had a blog for years (which was also mentioned in several past letters) and he didn't exactly rack up a devout family following (not that your blog isn't any good Honey). So why on Earth would we think these same people would take a sudden interest in mine? Naive? I don't know. The card was sent to a couple of his aunts and uncles (you know the card sending usual) who are in their 50s and 60s... not all of whom are computer savvy or have jobs with ample "blog downtime". It's not like they have blogs of their own. After the letter where we talked about my cake decorating (Xmas '04) it's not like anyone called with a cake order if you know what I mean. It just seemed so incredibly unlikely. And with no feedback (no comments, no emails, no phone calls... no mention whatsoever) it really never occurred to me that they were reading. In fact I would have bet serious money that they weren't.

At this point I feel this way... I'm going to write what I want. Not out of rebellion but because I feel that I have made my peace with the situation. And because the blog is both more interesting to write and interesting to read when I am as uncensored as possible. Am I sorry that my Mother-in-law's feelings were hurt? Absolutely. Do I wish her family, who knew she was reading and hurt, had told me MONTHS ago? Yes (and I can't really understand their actions). But do I feel that what I wrote was cruel? No. It wasn't written to be seen by her. It isn't any different than the countless times she (and everyone else reading) has gossiped or complained about her own extended family. It's human nature. It's why I've had 2000 hits a day. At this point they can read at their own risk. I've asked that they not, but I, of course, can't enforce that.

Just In Case You Were Wondering...

No we haven't heard back from the job in Asheville.

Yep I'm One Of Those People

The kind that loses weight when stressed....

Looks like a little interpersonal conflict has it's upside:

That weight is at 6 PM people... not my usual first thing in the AM "empty vessel" weight.

Check it...
8 = Thin & Muscular = Athlete = Badass

I officially have the body fat of a man...

And the metabolism of a 12 year old...

Feeling Better Than Ever... Seriously

This whole situation has actually brought to light, and completely illustrated for me (and for the readership), precisely why I have difficulty fitting into Mr F's family. Mr F and I had been certain that his mother was not reading the blog. We were, it turns out, wrong. I think there has been a pervasive feeling amongst his family that we did know and were writing things to be hurtful. That is not the case... and is in direct opposition to how I handle both my feelings and my relationships. In fact upon learning this morning that she had been reading I immediately wrote her a letter to address it.

His family holds the opinion that this blog is damaging, or could be damaging if it went on "unchecked", to our already fragile relationship. I don't agree. The thing that is damaging to the relationship is the complete and utter lack of direct communication. If you were reading it, and upset by it, it would have taken one conversation, which I would have willingly had, to explain the situation. And if that happened maybe the relationship would have been able to correct itself or improve in that area.

If I wrote something that was upsetting to my own mother she would either find a place for that feeling, discuss it with me, or in the unlikely case that she were so upset that she discussed it with my siblings they would have called me themselves to let me know. We communicate. Sometimes that means things are said you don't want to hear and that can be difficult, or uncomfortable, or infuriating. Sometimes you have to air those feelings in order to make room for a new way to perceive each other. We may have more drama and conflict but we also have a deeper closeness because of it. Even if my brother and I weren't speaking he's the first person (and was) to speed to the hospital to sit by my side as we watched vigil over Kid that terrible day and night. Conflict does not erase or negate love. In fact I find it is usually a sign of a desire for a deeper connection. And if you have the patience and insight to work through the differences you may come out closer than you ever were.

Having said that I highly doubt that will be the outcome. I highly doubt I will receive a response to the letter I wrote... as I have never received any response to my past attempts. And I'm okay with that. It has been nearly ten years. The relationship isn't better or worse. It, as Mr F so eloquently put it, "withers on the vine". The fact that she has been reading is her choice and I can't be responsible for her decision or how she has chosen to handle that decision.

So it's out there. It crashed and burned... and you know what? We all survived. And I feel lighter for it. So they've been reading. So they've been judging me. I'm not going to die or even be embarrassed about it. It was unfortunate, and not what I had intended, but maybe there is room here to grow. If this is rock bottom in the relationship it isn't that bad. I can sit here. And knowing where we stand, and what is what, and who has and hasn't been reading, is no longer a looming cloud. It is what it is. I am who I am. And I'm comfortable with that.

Sometimes You Just Need A Good Laugh

One More Thing...

To all you outraged "relations".
Where the hell were you when our family has faced sorrow and unbearable difficulties?
We're you reading the blog?
We're you here lurking bearing witness to the pain of a mother as she cares for her sick child?
And yet never once... never once commenting a supportive comment or sending a thoughtful email.
Shame on you.
Shame on you for looking for the bad in a situation and in someone.

I cannot believe that someone has the fucking audacity to feel outrage that I would complain about a bad brunch, in my personal space in an anonymous format, and yet are able to write this about a person they hardly know:

"Shame on you !! I have been reading you "blog" for months. You are a most selfish wife. And if you were my daugher in law, I would disown you. But that might make you happy. And why would I want to do that. You are a psychotic bitch! You are stuck on only yourself.You are the most disrespectful, stuck up, pompous ass I have ever come across. ( and a lousy housekeeper) I assume that your children suffer for inadequacies. And Mr. F.doesnt seem to have much of a spine either. How dare you throw away gifts from the girls grandmother..no matter how trivial they may seem to you, they meant enough from her to be sent to them. Some day they will see you for the selfish person you are. And your recipes..( If I were you, I would not share them or the the pictures,(especially of yourself) some of us want to keep our lunch down!!) Who ever told you that you can cook???? And for your supporters-alot of them need a trip to the therapist too. Or better yet- I think that Divorce Court might be a better place. Maybe Mr.F. may find his spine again!!"

You may be "related" but you do not know me or my family.
I honestly don't care if this makes it worse. We don't want your friendship or your presence in our family.
And we certainly do not want your presence on the blog.
That was despicable.
I am ashamed for you.

Cease And Desist

I would like to make a note to the Connecticut readership that has suddenly flourished in the last few days...
Please stop reading my blog.
You are not invited to do so.
If you continue to visit the blog you are doing so against my wishes and are invading my privacy.
This is an anonymous blog that was not written as a "family blog". I am sorry if you were mislead.
It appears that you are not able to read the blog in the way in which is was meant to be read and for everyone's well being I request that you stop.

Jungle Fever

Welcome to Paradise...

Yet Another Blow...

Kid got up early and puked.

I'm on seizure watch.

See you later.

Twilight Zone...

WTF is going on?!?

You are reading my blog. A blog is an online journal. You are reading my online journal. If you don't like it then don't read it. It's not going to change.

If you are reading it and think you were "invited" to read my blog... you are mistaken. No one has ever been "invited" to read my blog. The only people who have been given my blogs address are my good friends and close family members.

If you are related to Mr F and have taken offense at the few (very few) posts written about my difficult relationship with his parents I am sorry for that. But I did not know you were reading the blog. I did not write the holiday letter (which was not sent to very many people... and not to his parents... and not to the cousin who commented...) and I know for a fact that my blog address was not included. Mentioning that I have a blog is not the same thing as asking you to read it. If you have been reading the blog for 5 months and have enjoyed it so be it. I can only hope that you read it the way you would read any humorous blog and that you are able to detach yourself from some of the posts... and read them in the way they were written. If you cannot then you shouldn't read the blog. I wish that you wouldn't... it is obviously uncomfortable for everyone involved. If you googled my blog and have been reading it without commenting you need to know that I do not know you are a reader (and have not assumed you would be) and was not able to take your readership into account when writing my posts. However, I have written hundreds of posts and no more than a handful have mentioned my relationship with my in-laws. They really aren't a dominating presence on the blog or in my life. If you have just come to the blog this week you have a very distorted view of my blog. Again I'm sorry if you read it as an attack... but it is my space and I write about my feelings both good and bad.

Having said all that I must point out that these two comments...
"You are so self-centered & I can't believe other people are actually dumb enough to get off on your blog. Particularly because, as a niece of your inlaws, I feel as though your blog is full of mistruths & lies.
You had boasted about the sucess of your blog in your holiday letter, yet you have the nerve, stupidity, & arrogance to complain about those that you sent the letter to.
What kind of person blogs & bitches about their family & inlaws, when you know everyone has access?!?
I could truly write a few more pages about your character, but I have more class than you to destroy an individuals character. Although in my case it wouldn't be the cheap half-truths that you take at others."

"You are so self-centered & I can't believe you all get off on this blog!!! It is a pile of shit.
What kind of person blogs & bitches about their family & inlaws, when you know everyone has access?!?
You had boasted about the sucess of your blog in your holiday letter.
Talk about nerve!!!"

Are far and away more judgmental and character blasting than anything I have ever written about anyone. Ever. I would, in fact, never write something that condemning on my own blog let alone comment that way on someone else's. If you have pages to write please do... on your own blog. The truth is you don't know me. Please stop reading.

If you are "swalk"
I enjoyed this comment too...
"Shame on you !! I have been reading you "blog" for months. You are a most selfish wife. And if you were my daugher in law, I would disown you. But that might make you happy. And why would I want to do that. You are a psychotic bitch! You are stuck on only yourself.You are the most disrespectful, stuck up, pompous ass I have ever come across. ( and a lousy housekeeper) I assume that your children suffer for inadequacies. And Mr. F.doesnt seem to have much of a spine either. How dare you throw away gifts from the girls grandmother..no matter how trivial they may seem to you, they meant enough from her to be sent to them. Some day they will see you for the selfish person you are. And your recipes..( If I were you, I would not share them or the the pictures,(especially of yourself) some of us want to keep our lunch down!!) Who ever told you that you can cook???? And for your supporters-alot of them need a trip to the therapist too. Or better yet- I think that Divorce Court might be a better place. Maybe Mr.F. may find his spine again!!

Signed

I feel sorry for you-find a good therapist Miss Genious

swalk"

Because it is ... CRAZY.
Please stop reading the blog... you are clearly torturing yourself.