Making A List, Checking it Twice

Update

Because I don't want you to lose sleep over it ;)

although I probably will....


Dad: DONE
Dad's wife: DONE
Littlest Sister: DONE
Little Brother: DONE
MOM: 1/3 done
StepDad: DONE
Tiger: DONE (this was a priority for the girls)
Older Brother & Girlfriend: DONE (ish)
Nieces: I know what I'm getting just need to get it.
Little Sister: ditto
Mr F: 2 major gifts down... need other stuff. Santa likes to give Mr F hand lotion, FYI. And gum. Deal with it.
Kids: I've ordered the main Santa stuff, but I need to get to Target for little things (Baby is getting make-up... I already regret that idea).

I also got out my first batch of xmas cards.

Oh and shoveled our front walk (after Fed Ex lady reprimanded me... thanks for that, Mr F).

And I got groceries.

Long story short, I've kicked major ass today.

Thank you, Meijer (If you didn't have the worst check-out scenario in the world I'd actually recommend you).

Gah!

It's Monday.

Christmas is on Saturday... right?

Just got in from our whirlwind trip at 2AM last night.

The cat was bouncing off the walls (literally) until well after 3... despite having fortuitously viewed a Jane Goodall communicate with animals dvd just last week.

I tried to communicate that I was tired.

Maybe if he was an African Grey Parrot he would have understood (they're psychic).

In the end I think he was picking up on my leniency (and guilt) and so he stalked my face (hidden under the covers to protect its delicate flesh) like it was his prey (it was).

Anyway, back to the important stuff...

It's Monday.

I have a very few things for Kid (It's kind of hard to shop for them when you are with them all the time).

The wrong thing for Mr F (that I had cancelled but showed up anyway).

And NOTHING else.

I need to ship things and ideally have them arrive before Christmas.

I'm having a heart attack.

The thing is, I don't even have any ideas.

None.

Know of a great, universally appreciated gift, that ships for free (or cheap).... let me know!

Over The River And Through The Woods

We're heading out to Eastern Pennsylvania today. My Nana and Grandad are celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary (they are both nearly 100) this weekend. It looks, for now, that we are going to make it there and back without battling an Alberta Clipper... having done that in the past... I can assure you that is a very good thing.

See you Monday.

P.S. I haven't bought any Christmas presents yet. I'm starting to get a little nervous.

Mad Homeschool Skills In The House

We received a book and cd with our curriculum set called "Geography Songs", and I'm not sure who loves it more... okay I am... me. (I do have some rockin' dance moves that go along with this song) I originally looked at this with disdain... fearing these songs were going to be terrible or cheesy... and while maybe they are... they are also catchy as all get out. There are several more sets in this series (including several on math facts) and I'm definitely going to hop to it and order these up. Kid, who generally gets pretty frustrated with the notion of memorizing facts, has been able to memorize the songs almost instantly... and enjoy it at the same time. We don't just now know the names of these 15 Middle Eastern countries, we can also (both) now identify where they all are on a world map. So... score one for homeschooling... because... this is not something that they are covering in 2nd grade at the public school.


Out Take:
Watch Kid's face... she is barely containing her rage at Baby in this one! She said she wanted me to put this one up so you could all see what she has to deal with.

She's Nothing If Not Thorough

Baby walks into the kitchen.

Her hand is firmly placed down her pants in her butt crack.

(Just setting the scene)

"What are you doing?" Mrs F asks.

"My butt itches." Baby replies.

"Oh. Okay, well, your butt is germ-y... so... I need you to go wash your hands." Mrs F explains.

"OKAY!" Baby yells enthusiastically and runs top speed for the bathroom.

Several minutes later Baby emerges from the bathroom.

"I washed my hands, Mom." Baby announces.

"Great, thanks." Mrs F replies.

"Don't worry, they're not germ-y, I used your toothbrush!" Baby says excitedly.

SNOW

We've waited a shockingly long time to see some real significant snow in Michigan this year.

I mean... it's been disappointing.

Finally, we heard a storm front was coming through.

Excitedly we headed to Trader Joe's to stock up on the necessities (meatballs & chocolate croissants).

The storm came...

Not exactly a blizzard, but a good couple of inches.

And that's just what our very own (yes you read that right... very own) sledding hill needed.


(If you've been reading for a few winters you will recall that Mrs F loves her some sledding... really... if there's even a dusting of snow you are pretty much guaranteed that I will be donning my snow pants... believe it... and making a go of it)

Mmm.... big COLD, RED, WET cheeks...

Lack Of Contact High

Mrs F stumbles into the kitchen after a bad few hours with a nightmaring Baby (I think one was about cookies... fyi).

"Jabber Jabber Jabber." says Mr F

"jabber jabber jabber jabber jabber..." He continues, into infinity, always maintaining a 3 foot radius around me.

(If you know Mr F you know the man can talk... and he doesn't do it quietly)

"You are very talkative this morning." Mrs F manages, after listening for a good 20 straight minutes, while trying to measure coffee.

"Well, that's because I've been up for 2 hours with no one but the cat... jabber, jabber, jabber, jabber...." Mr F responds.

"Yeah. I get it." Mrs F says.

"When someone says that you are very talkative... it means... Stop Talking."Mrs F explains.

"Ooooh. I get it." Mr F says through a mouth of toothpaste (in the kitchen people...).

"Apparently, you don't." Mrs F replies.

It's Getting Harder...

To both live my life and write about it at the same time.

I feel very different from the person I was three years ago when I started all this.

In ways that are harder to talk about.

I don't want to alienate the friends I've made... but... I think that's getting hard not to do.

The things I think about are much more serious... much less frivolous... maybe less generally relatable (or maybe not...).

Sometimes I don't know what to say (here) without seeming like I am trying too hard to avoid the obvious.

Sometimes I feel like you bought a different book only to find in Chapter 20 that it isn't what you thought at all.

And maybe you don't like it. Or won't.

But I just am not the same.

Sometimes I see old posts I wrote 3 years ago... and it's like I was on Crack back then.

Like looking at a photo album from college.

Things were easier.

Simpler.

Less weighty.

And, yet, this is a good time in my life.

Better (on a deeper level).

Just quieter.

Less talk, more action.

I think.

This Guy...

Is lying in wait.

11:15 PM

"What are you still doing up? It's after 11." Mrs F asks.

"You said I could read until I fell asleep." Kid replies.

Does Whatever A Spider Can

It Came!

Our big box of books and curriculum arrived on Saturday!

Kid was immediately sucked into her first book selection and kept asking when Monday would come so we could start.

I'm really happy with our curriculum choice. Everything looks great.. most of the reading is Newberry award winners. I'm also happy with the way the readers (self-reading) progress, the first selection she can read easily now, the ones from week 36 are above her level. I think she'll be really proud of herself when she can look back at how much her reading skills have grown in that time. It's pretty amazing to see where she'll likely be 36 weeks from now.

There is tons of geography woven throughout all of the other lessons and we use this markable map several times a day. Kid really enjoys this, and has gone on to label every place she's lived, been, etc. I also really REALLY like the lesson plans. I got everything organized by week, and it's all pretty easy to use. I also really appreciate their constant reminders not to over do it, or get to literal with their assignments. (I can err toward that myself...) They emphasize comprehension and give questions (and answers... which is nice since it means I don't have to read her readers... I do have a couple of other things to do each day) to talk about after the readings as discussion points, but do not want the kids to sit down and fill these in themselves. That was kind of an aha moment for me since I probably would have had Kid do that and I can tell you now, 4 hours under our belt, that that extra bit may have pushed this from enjoyable to Hell. Also I enjoyed that after our Chimp reading they asked "How do chimps use tools" and they expected an answer like "They use stones as weapons." but Kid said "They have opposable thumbs."

I picked up Kid's things from school on Friday and found a Handwriting Without Tears workbook, so I ordered the Teacher's Manual and we'll pick that up where she left off when that comes in.

I feel really good about the Kumon workbooks for now. I set a timer for 30 minutes to make sure we don't go over that (that would cross over into the TOO LONG and GETTING PISSED zone... and we don't want to get into the anger zone... not with the wolves and all). She did about 25 addition, 10 word problems, and 10 geometry problems in 20 minutes this morning, which I think is the prefect amount of time for her to be focused on one thing. She got way more math done in 20 minutes than she was doing at school. She does need me to sit next to her and keep her from straying off task... but... she didn't get mad (the work isn't difficult at this point) and when she said she was done we stopped. She had asked to do math first thing to get it over with. I also know we need to get the spelling, and language arts work done then too. So we might alternate these. We'll see how it goes. I want to leave time for her to do writing and drawing as she is inspired to do (I'd really like to set up something like THIS to help foster that. Or I should say to help keep my dining room table from getting over run with papers and supplies as is currently the case.)

I do not want to fall into the trap of just repeating what they were doing at school... since that obviously didn't work for her. This is a hard balance to strike... and my head is a battleground these days. I kind of wish I had just gone ahead and bought the LA & math curriculum from the same place, since I've been shocked at how much less they assign than I naturally would... but after one day... I can see that they are right. It was just the right amount without pushing her over the edge. She was able to maintain her interest, which meant she was actually paying attention (unlike school) and we were able to have relevant discussions about, Chimps, Archeology, Geography, and our book readings. More is not better. I always have the temptation to do more... 1 chapter assigned?... let's do 4! So this curriculum and following it is a good move for me. I just need to try and come up with a similar schedule for the Language arts and math... work hard to go against my nature and just do a little bit a day.

Oh and I did manage to workout today. So maybe things are looking up for me, now that I'm not spending all my energy worried about what to do with Kid... just 95% of my energy.

Overheard

Kid was walking around the house pretending to give a video tour (I don't know where she gets that...)

"This is my sister, she's great." Kid says.

"Well, she's not great, but she is fun, active, and very over energy." She continues.

So true.

What We're Doing

Maybe I'll make another blog just about this whole process.

A homeschooling blog... aka... what the heck is that lady doing?! blog (but I'm afraid it'd have to be invite only! I'm too fragile right now!).

Otherwise this might start to take over for awhile.

Hey, remember when I used to exercise?!

Except instead of watching me lose weight you'll probably be watching me gain it... I can't help it... cooking IS science.


Anyway, our curriculum...I'm going with Sonlight (yes I know that it's Christian... but it's literature & history based and we're not doing the bible study aspect... I just got the core component and am mixing in the other things I want). I liked the focus (kid loves her some history) and that the lesson plans are included. For me and my kind o'crazy perfectionism (and over the top need for documentation) I think this will help keep me in check.

We've got a science curriculum coming. I'm some what fearful of this. I just think adding experiments into my day... ugh... I don't know... is a lot to manage. Mr F said he'll handle it. But... ahem... Mr F says he'll handle a lot of things...

We're working our way through some Kumon math workbooks I got at Barnes & Noble. Once I can tell what level she's at (they've only been doing review of addition & subtraction up to 20 at the public school so far) I'll go in for an appropriate curriculum. But for now, better to be getting practice every day and slowly working up, then start out too hard and freak out in frustration and refuse to do it EVER AGAIN (Kid hates math did I mention that?). I also got her an abacus at IKEA the other day. Hello! She loves it. Last night she used it to add up all the cookies I baked for the Cookie Bazaar, and to figure out how many years until Mr F turns one hundred. So that's good. Learning should be interesting & fun. She uses that thing all the time.

I picked up some language arts workbooks (writing, spelling, reading comp stuff) just to flush out where it might be needed. And let me say this 2nd Grade spelling book... is a revelation... they were doing insane spelling words at school. This book is kind of too easy... but... again... my goal is to just start out a little BELOW (this is an anxiety disorder I'm dealing with here) and not challenge her right now... just establish a routine and what kind of work is stimulating and interesting, and THEN start slowly introducing more challenging work. Her number one trigger is frustration, so we need to keep things LOW PRESSURE and EXTREMELY POSITIVE. We need to rebuild self esteem, and feelings of self competency, and self worth. We're talking baby steps.

The good news is that you can cover a lot more material in a much shorter period of time at home than at school (believe it folks). So I will not be surprised at all if by June (should we still be doing this) she has not only caught up, but has moved beyond the schools curriculum goals.

I also found a great history program from PBS on Netflix, and she's been watching an episode a day and then giving me the synopsis. We then fact check in our big DK History of the World book (she loves that book... TONS of illustrations of beheadings!).

Until our curriculum comes and I get that sorted, she's been reading simple small chapter "Easy Reader" style books and then (and really I think this was genius) I copy the cover of the book with our scanner, and she writes out a book review on the copy. I told her it was so we could keep track of whether it was a good book or not, this helped cover both reading comprehension and a writing exercise and she was more than happy to do it.

For science, we're keeping a Weather Journal. I thought she'd like this and it would be another sneaky way to get writing in... but she's on to me... so I think this might be a weekly thing. She records the date, the weather conditions, and then draws a picture of something weather/nature related from that day. We also just found an awesome Chimp sanctuary's blog which has TONS of short videos of the chimps playing, eating, etc. I bookmarked that, it should be fun to check in and see what they're up to.

So that is that. In case you were wondering. Much less connect the dots, and word searches than school... but... I don't think that we're doing so badly for a random quickly cobbled together program.

And that doesn't even count our discussions on menstruation (fun! I enjoyed that... not), a prison's effect on property values, and why Dad working at a cupcake shop wouldn't provide a viable income for the family. Oh and coupons... SHE LOVES COUPONS... she couldn't believe that you could pay less if you had a coupon... which of course led to a whole discussion on marketing.

Other than that, I have a big spiral binder and I write down what lessons we did for each subject. We are not required to do that, but I think it will help me feel that I have actually *done something*, and could be helpful in lieu of a transcript should we end up at a private school.

(What is Baby doing during all this?... well, she spends an inordinate amount of time standing on a step ladder in the pantry lip syncing Christmas songs into a xylophone mallet... her favorite song?... Wham!'s Last Christmas)

Wishful Thinking

Danger Zone

"You seem happier, you were pretty mad earlier."  Mrs F says to Kid.

"For a second I went past my 'Lock Up My Anger' zone."  Kid says.

"Oh, you have a 'Lock Up Your Anger' zone?"  Mrs F asks.

"Yes, I actually have another zone that includes hitting and kicking." Kid replies.

"But don't worry it's guarded with twenty thousand walls."  She adds.

"Twenty thousand walls?! That's good."  Mrs F says gratefully.

"And twenty thousand wolves."  Kid adds.

Even better.

This led to an absolutely hilarious discussion on anger management.  I told Kid that when I'm really angry walking on the treadmill helps me to feel better.  She said "So is that what you are doing when you are yelling at Dad in the basement?  Walking on the treadmill?"  Oh I had a good laugh about that.  

Today Was Better

I appreciated all of the awesomely supportive comments.

I really do.

Some of you made me cry... in a good way.

So, thanks!

This whole time has been insanely stressful and complicated (feelings wise).

I've taken something away from her that she liked... and how much that means (rightly or not) to her is hers alone to decide.

We're talking about it.  

A lot.

I talked to the private school admissions person today.

I told her that I don't want to rush right into another school.  I thought Kid needed some downtime, and that we'd come look at the school in a couple of months.  I want her to be able to choose the school for the school's sake and not just to jump from one to the other because that is easiest.  I want her to feel (even if we're ultimately guiding the choice) that she does have some say.  I don't want her (or us) to make a decision in reaction to leaving her current school.  I want us to make a real thoughtful decision about choosing the RIGHT placement for her.  We just can't do that now.  We need some time to bounce back.  I also think taking a couple of months, and spending the time really exploring what type of learner she is, and what kind of environment she really needs, and what kind of teacher... is going to be an invaluable piece of information as we move forward.  In order to advocate for her in the best way I can, I need to be the expert on what she needs.  When it comes to schools... we're just figuring this out.  I don't want to pay $12,000 to a school that isn't going to get her where she needs to be going.  

The admissions lady said ...

"She's very lucky that you are able to take the time to do that."

And that made me feel pretty good. 

You know, especially since they are pretty interested in our money.

I'm not overreacting. 

And I'm not just reacting.

It's not easy (really it's not) but in time this is going to all be worth it.

Next Fall, we'll be able to make a much more informed, confident choice about what we're going to do for schooling.

And, heck, until then the extra sleep isn't anything to sneeze at. 

Today Was A Good Day/Bad Day

Reviewed Kid's school experience, symptoms, and other stuff with psychologist.

Referred for psychiatrist and immediate medication.

Complete validation that she needed to be pulled out ASAP.

And that she is never going to thrive in a traditional school.

So that was good.

It's good to be validated.

But it's also HARD.

It's hard to hear that, even thought we know it's true, that your child will have a harder life.

That she has a harder time being happy.

That she has a harder time. Period.

And that she does indeed have "severe OCD and anxiety".

Even though I knew that.

There is still some sadness.

There is some relief too... this is something.

This is something.

THIS IS SOMETHING.

And you're wrong. She can't snap out of it. She can't be like "everyone else". She is not like you were or your children (unless you are trifitmom... and then YES she is) She isn't going to change. She is going to do weird things when she is nervous and act strange... and yes wouldn't it be great if she didn't?... yes, but it would be a hell of a lot better if she didn't feel the way she does inside. And she's not going to suddenly start doing things the way all of your children do them if I just stopped babying her. P.S Not all children are resilient. In fact some children are the exact opposite of resilient. Just like some adults are. We're all different.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

Oh, and tonight Kid decided to unleash the wrath she's been brewing.

She wants to go back to school.

Simply because I don't equal 23 kids.

And no matter what... I'm not going to.

But I am someone who recognizes that being smart and fitting in are not the same thing.

In fact, you could probably guarantee the kids that don't...

Are the smartest.

Day One

More on all of this later... but.... as of today we're homeschooling.

I just could not send her back to a woman that had not one positive thing to say about her.

So, after much debate and looking at the next 10 year investment in private school (nearly 200K for Kid alone) we decided to give free (or closer to it... I've already ordered $700 in curriculum, and signed her up for $400 worth of classes for next trimester) a shot. Even if we can just finish out 2nd grade that is a major savings to put toward another year's tuition. And we'll know for sure that we've tried everything, and paying the big bucks is worth it.

So, we're trying it.

Curriculum arrives next week.

Today... the zoo.