Monday, January 27, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Life's Great Mysteries
"What am I going to be when I grow up?" Baby asks during dinner.
"What do you mean?" I inquire.
"I mean, am I going to be a giant, a dwarf, or normal?" Baby clarifies, somewhat gravely.
"What do you mean?" I inquire.
"I mean, am I going to be a giant, a dwarf, or normal?" Baby clarifies, somewhat gravely.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Ladies Nights
I don't know why, but when Mr F isn't here we have a very different vibe going. We eat differently, we hang out differently.
Last night was Taco Night (as scheduled... why did I resist doing this for so many years... it has been amazing!):
Kid said, upon realizing Mr F wasn't coming home....
"LADIES NIGHT! Let's get drunk!"
then muttered...
"I already am" and promptly erupted in hysterical laughter.
(she may have watched back to back episodes of The Bachelor on her "cold day" off of school...)
Unfortunately, today her stomach has been bothering her (maybe she was drunk... j/k lindalou... I only let her drink about 4 times a year) and by 4 o'clock she was running a fever.
So, reluctantly we had to cancel our mega girls night out plans to have a $5 Hot-n-Ready with my friend and her kids while our husbands are out of town.
Instead we started watching The National Treasure movies. I rented them on a lark last night... holy moly... so far... so... AMAZING. For a rated PG movie, the first one pretty much has it all going on. Super intense action without being scary or intimidating in anyway. As history buffs, it was right up our alley. P.S. No sexy stuff ...which for Kid is maybe a negative ;) We just started the second one, but seeing as it revolves around the assassination of Lincoln (my distant cousin, yo!), and has Ed Harris in it, we are INTO it.
Last night was Taco Night (as scheduled... why did I resist doing this for so many years... it has been amazing!):
Kid said, upon realizing Mr F wasn't coming home....
"LADIES NIGHT! Let's get drunk!"
then muttered...
"I already am" and promptly erupted in hysterical laughter.
(she may have watched back to back episodes of The Bachelor on her "cold day" off of school...)
Unfortunately, today her stomach has been bothering her (maybe she was drunk... j/k lindalou... I only let her drink about 4 times a year) and by 4 o'clock she was running a fever.
So, reluctantly we had to cancel our mega girls night out plans to have a $5 Hot-n-Ready with my friend and her kids while our husbands are out of town.
Instead we started watching The National Treasure movies. I rented them on a lark last night... holy moly... so far... so... AMAZING. For a rated PG movie, the first one pretty much has it all going on. Super intense action without being scary or intimidating in anyway. As history buffs, it was right up our alley. P.S. No sexy stuff ...which for Kid is maybe a negative ;) We just started the second one, but seeing as it revolves around the assassination of Lincoln (my distant cousin, yo!), and has Ed Harris in it, we are INTO it.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Goodbyes
This week was weird and stressful and just a hard week to get through. Everyday posed another big stressor and I'm finally at the other side of it.
Behind the scenes, two big things have been converging on the Furious household.
Mr F has been grappling with the news that his father is terminally ill. As you know, this relationship has been tenuous (to non-existent) for the last 6 years. Anyone who has lost a parent, or other loved one, knows that the more conflicted the relationship the harder it is. There are many mixed emotions, and guilt that there is relief in the ending of something so difficult. This is hardly a unique parent-child dynamic and I know many of you will be able to relate on some level. In the end, I just booked him a ticket, knowing that the guilt of not going in time would be far worse than whatever the outcome of going would be.
Also, one of Kid's very best friends is going back to Korea, tomorrow. We have had her over for sleepovers and long weekends many times over the last year. And, while it is easier knowing that she is ready to go home (unlike Kid's other friend, from last year, whose mother had died)... she is less connected on social media and there is the very real fear that we'll not have any more contact with her. It is so hard. I worry a lot about these goodbyes. I want to due it right, for my kids and for their friends. I changed schools a LOT as a kid, and I know how painful that is... having friendships end and being too young to be able to keep them going long distance on your own. So, I put a fair amount of effort (and it truthfully stresses me out a lot, worrying about if it is enough and if it will work out). I made Sally a photo album of all the pictures I had taken of them together and put in ALL of our contact info. I gave her a framed picture of their group of friends, and a big box of her favorite Angry Bird Cheez Its to take on the plane. Unfortunately, she doesn't know her address at home and isn't on Skype. Hopefully, her parents will help her reach out... but, I also know that this is part of life and sometimes we have hard goodbyes with people we care about. And it really is better to have loved than never to have loved at all. If she doesn't email us, it is because she is busy in her life with her friends at home and we should be happy for that. This is what I tell Kid about both her friends that have gone back to Korea... it does help... but it is still hard. At 11, she is in many ways closer to the friends she makes now, at this age, than she ever was before. They've matured so much and share more and have their own relationships.... they aren't "playing" anymore. And this whole goodbye was made much more stressful today, when her last day of school was cancelled due to the cold and they had not really said goodbye. So I drove over to the boarding house, again, knowing the goodbye is important closure even when it is sad to say. Sally has been a great friend, one of those kids you just love having over at your house. We'll all miss her!
I'm so glad we made the drive out to say goodbye. She was so surprised and thrilled that we came, she had been disappointed all day that she hadn't been able to say goodbye to anyone. Which just made me extra grateful that we made the trip. And we didn't cry... then, anyway. Which is good, it just makes it so much harder on the friend to carry that burden on top of their own feelings about leaving.
I had worried so much about getting this all right for Kid, this is her friend, after all, that I kind of underestimated how this would be for Baby. Unlike Kid's friend from last year, Baby had spent lot of time with Sally. This is the first real permanent goodbye for her... and she didn't really realize it until after we had been home for awhile. She sobbed and sobbed in grief for an hour before she fell asleep.
so, that's that. :(
It's been a hard day. It was also the first day where I REALLY struggled with my motivation to stick to my diet & exercise plan.... interesting food for thought regarding my sabotage triggers... (I did, though! I pushed through the impulse to take a day off... I even did an extra 15 on the treadmill).
All in all, it's been an unusual and therefore hard week... with basketball starting... and the uncertainty about how that would go and then the logistics involved, Kid's big test (which is now postponed... ), Baby having a freak bed wetting, Mr F's situation with his parents which kept us up late every night this week and now his being out of town, another "cold day" off of school, trying to get the photo album put together for Sally, and the added huge stressor of getting everything and everybody together- all at once- to apply for our passports... which you have to do in person with both parents... right smack in the middle of work/school and we needed to get it done THIS WEEK... I'm sure I'm forgetting 10 things... what can I say?... there was lots of weird extra shit to take care of this week, that all was either time sensitive or emotionally draining. And if there is one thing I've learned about myself, it is that I don't like weird extra shit. The first thing I want to do, to make time for it, is stop working out. This is a REALLY hard impulse for me to fight. But I got through it (in my sexy socks).
Behind the scenes, two big things have been converging on the Furious household.
Mr F has been grappling with the news that his father is terminally ill. As you know, this relationship has been tenuous (to non-existent) for the last 6 years. Anyone who has lost a parent, or other loved one, knows that the more conflicted the relationship the harder it is. There are many mixed emotions, and guilt that there is relief in the ending of something so difficult. This is hardly a unique parent-child dynamic and I know many of you will be able to relate on some level. In the end, I just booked him a ticket, knowing that the guilt of not going in time would be far worse than whatever the outcome of going would be.
Also, one of Kid's very best friends is going back to Korea, tomorrow. We have had her over for sleepovers and long weekends many times over the last year. And, while it is easier knowing that she is ready to go home (unlike Kid's other friend, from last year, whose mother had died)... she is less connected on social media and there is the very real fear that we'll not have any more contact with her. It is so hard. I worry a lot about these goodbyes. I want to due it right, for my kids and for their friends. I changed schools a LOT as a kid, and I know how painful that is... having friendships end and being too young to be able to keep them going long distance on your own. So, I put a fair amount of effort (and it truthfully stresses me out a lot, worrying about if it is enough and if it will work out). I made Sally a photo album of all the pictures I had taken of them together and put in ALL of our contact info. I gave her a framed picture of their group of friends, and a big box of her favorite Angry Bird Cheez Its to take on the plane. Unfortunately, she doesn't know her address at home and isn't on Skype. Hopefully, her parents will help her reach out... but, I also know that this is part of life and sometimes we have hard goodbyes with people we care about. And it really is better to have loved than never to have loved at all. If she doesn't email us, it is because she is busy in her life with her friends at home and we should be happy for that. This is what I tell Kid about both her friends that have gone back to Korea... it does help... but it is still hard. At 11, she is in many ways closer to the friends she makes now, at this age, than she ever was before. They've matured so much and share more and have their own relationships.... they aren't "playing" anymore. And this whole goodbye was made much more stressful today, when her last day of school was cancelled due to the cold and they had not really said goodbye. So I drove over to the boarding house, again, knowing the goodbye is important closure even when it is sad to say. Sally has been a great friend, one of those kids you just love having over at your house. We'll all miss her!
so, that's that. :(
It's been a hard day. It was also the first day where I REALLY struggled with my motivation to stick to my diet & exercise plan.... interesting food for thought regarding my sabotage triggers... (I did, though! I pushed through the impulse to take a day off... I even did an extra 15 on the treadmill).
All in all, it's been an unusual and therefore hard week... with basketball starting... and the uncertainty about how that would go and then the logistics involved, Kid's big test (which is now postponed... ), Baby having a freak bed wetting, Mr F's situation with his parents which kept us up late every night this week and now his being out of town, another "cold day" off of school, trying to get the photo album put together for Sally, and the added huge stressor of getting everything and everybody together- all at once- to apply for our passports... which you have to do in person with both parents... right smack in the middle of work/school and we needed to get it done THIS WEEK... I'm sure I'm forgetting 10 things... what can I say?... there was lots of weird extra shit to take care of this week, that all was either time sensitive or emotionally draining. And if there is one thing I've learned about myself, it is that I don't like weird extra shit. The first thing I want to do, to make time for it, is stop working out. This is a REALLY hard impulse for me to fight. But I got through it (in my sexy socks).
Thursday, January 23, 2014
This Is Bizarrely Longer Than I Intended (and the really good parts are towards the end)
I'm not sure, but I don't think most 5th graders have tests that require them to write 5 short essays from memory... I mean, their tests have no fill in the blank or multiple choice questions. All of the questions are essay questions. I really don't think I was doing work like this until middle school or high school... or maybe college... and I went to some mighty fine schools. No multiple choice?! Ever? I remember having an essay question or two... or maybe writing a long essay FROM HOME but on the spot 5 essays on a test? For 10 & 11 year olds? I don't know... It is a lot of studying to do these test well and they only handed out the essay topics on TUESDAY. Plus she had basketball practice both nights.
After basketball practice on Tuesday she reads the chapter and writes out the vocabulary words (which they are also tested on). Yesterday, we worked out what the essays points should be and she worked on memorizing those last night and during school today. Then after basketball tonight Kid spent an hour and a half writing them out for practice.
That's her way to an A+. It is a lot of work to do this, but it works for her and I find having her physically write them out, rather than just read the material and memorize the key essay points allows her to fully absorb the material in a much more concrete way. The same with vocabulary. I have learned that if I have her look up the words and physically write out the definitions she naturally memorizes the terms through the process, faster and with less stress. It also eases her test anxiety on test day when she has essentially already taken the test the night before. I cannot believe she can memorize all those essays, plus Memory work, and 25 spelling words & 15 vocabulary words all for one day... but she can. Her rise to top student has been epic. Really, it is mind boggling how far she has come in a couple of years. She has really learned to master her anxiety. I am continually amazed by her. And she literally has a 4.0 in all her classes this semester and is the top student in her grade. Her teacher had nothing to say about her during conferences except "Well, she is an exemplary student." End of conference. He had nothing else to say... at all (for real). (Which kind of irked me, honestly) He took it for granted that this is just how she is and I took the time to make it clear that this is not EASY for her and does not come easily... she works incredibly hard and is an amazingly dedicated student. He had no idea that she spends so much time on her homework and studying. Give this kid a doctorate, already!
I'm just proud of her. If you've been here awhile you know this has been a BUMPY road for her (for me, too).
So, we made it through our first big challenge of test prep and basketball. I was eaten up with anxiety about this all week (I wonder where she gets it?!?). I wasn't sure how we'd find the time... but we did it. (and we never got take out!)
All with help from a little ditty I wrote last night:
I can do it!
I can get through this...
I can do it, I can do it (in my sexy socks)
I can do it (in my sexy socks)
repeat and jazz it up
throw in a little back up singing
ala Kid style:
she can do it in her sexy socks
or:
sexy, sexy, sexy socks
or:
super, super, sexy socks
or better:
look at those sexy socks!
Baby walked in the room in the middle of our lively rendition and said:
"Those are knee high socks... they are NOT sexy."
To which I informed her that the song was IRONIC. Duh, Baby. Duh.
And...
She shoots:
She scores:
"I can't wait for basketball practice, tomorrow!" Kid said excitedly.
All in all... success.
Phew.
We can do it. We can get through this.
That's her way to an A+. It is a lot of work to do this, but it works for her and I find having her physically write them out, rather than just read the material and memorize the key essay points allows her to fully absorb the material in a much more concrete way. The same with vocabulary. I have learned that if I have her look up the words and physically write out the definitions she naturally memorizes the terms through the process, faster and with less stress. It also eases her test anxiety on test day when she has essentially already taken the test the night before. I cannot believe she can memorize all those essays, plus Memory work, and 25 spelling words & 15 vocabulary words all for one day... but she can. Her rise to top student has been epic. Really, it is mind boggling how far she has come in a couple of years. She has really learned to master her anxiety. I am continually amazed by her. And she literally has a 4.0 in all her classes this semester and is the top student in her grade. Her teacher had nothing to say about her during conferences except "Well, she is an exemplary student." End of conference. He had nothing else to say... at all (for real). (Which kind of irked me, honestly) He took it for granted that this is just how she is and I took the time to make it clear that this is not EASY for her and does not come easily... she works incredibly hard and is an amazingly dedicated student. He had no idea that she spends so much time on her homework and studying. Give this kid a doctorate, already!
I'm just proud of her. If you've been here awhile you know this has been a BUMPY road for her (for me, too).
So, we made it through our first big challenge of test prep and basketball. I was eaten up with anxiety about this all week (I wonder where she gets it?!?). I wasn't sure how we'd find the time... but we did it. (and we never got take out!)
All with help from a little ditty I wrote last night:
I can do it!
I can get through this...
I can do it, I can do it (in my sexy socks)
I can do it (in my sexy socks)
repeat and jazz it up
throw in a little back up singing
ala Kid style:
she can do it in her sexy socks
or:
sexy, sexy, sexy socks
or:
super, super, sexy socks
or better:
look at those sexy socks!
Baby walked in the room in the middle of our lively rendition and said:
"Those are knee high socks... they are NOT sexy."
To which I informed her that the song was IRONIC. Duh, Baby. Duh.
And...
She shoots:
She scores:
"I can't wait for basketball practice, tomorrow!" Kid said excitedly.
All in all... success.
Phew.
We can do it. We can get through this.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
In Case You Were Wondering...
"Don't forget to take your Memory test tomorrow." I reminded Kid.
"I won't." Kid replied.
"In fact, I was just imagining being judged on judgement day while I read the Articles." she continued.
"Weird." I remarked, a little thrown off by the revelation.
"It was weird." Kid conceded.
"God & Jesus looked like they do in the Mormon children's book... white hair and beards and strangely muscular bodies... like twins." She added.
"I won't." Kid replied.
"In fact, I was just imagining being judged on judgement day while I read the Articles." she continued.
"Weird." I remarked, a little thrown off by the revelation.
"It was weird." Kid conceded.
"God & Jesus looked like they do in the Mormon children's book... white hair and beards and strangely muscular bodies... like twins." She added.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Brain Dead
Last night someone (Baby, just to be clear... Kid would die if you thought it was her!) had an accident & instead of getting the sleep I desperately need... I got to spend an hour cleaning up the bed.
I'm EXHAUSTED. I never really was able to get back to sleep after that so I had... oh... 4 hours of sleep.
I did workout. I am in my calories.
I filled out our passport applications and got my passport photo taken (I don't hate it).
We had Kid's first basketball practice (she doesn't want to quit.. so that is pretty good).
Then we had a basketball parents meeting.
Thankfully, I made two pots of soup & two loaves of bread yesterday. Since it is freezing out I just put the whole 2nd pot in the garage which just made everything even easier to manage. Tonight after basketball I just brought it in and up to a boil. Done. I kind of love the polar vortex. I now have the world's largest 2nd fridge.
We are all hurting tonight.... It is definitely hard to get home over two hours later than usual & still cram the same amount of homework & cooking, bathing, etc into such a short amount of time. Kid's also physically exhausted & getting home in the dark... geez... I feel badly that she has so much work to do. She's still only 11 and does need to go to bed.
I do, too.
Of course, tonight I have to stay up late writing out Kid's test prep for her History test on Friday.
Goodbye. I'm barely coherent. The end.
I'm EXHAUSTED. I never really was able to get back to sleep after that so I had... oh... 4 hours of sleep.
I did workout. I am in my calories.
I filled out our passport applications and got my passport photo taken (I don't hate it).
We had Kid's first basketball practice (she doesn't want to quit.. so that is pretty good).
Then we had a basketball parents meeting.
Thankfully, I made two pots of soup & two loaves of bread yesterday. Since it is freezing out I just put the whole 2nd pot in the garage which just made everything even easier to manage. Tonight after basketball I just brought it in and up to a boil. Done. I kind of love the polar vortex. I now have the world's largest 2nd fridge.
We are all hurting tonight.... It is definitely hard to get home over two hours later than usual & still cram the same amount of homework & cooking, bathing, etc into such a short amount of time. Kid's also physically exhausted & getting home in the dark... geez... I feel badly that she has so much work to do. She's still only 11 and does need to go to bed.
I do, too.
Of course, tonight I have to stay up late writing out Kid's test prep for her History test on Friday.
Goodbye. I'm barely coherent. The end.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Rough Start
I woke up in a TERRIBLE mood. The girls and Mr F had the day off and for one reason or the other we all slept in way too late... which stressed me out right from the get go because it is really hard to get the girls to bed on time for school when that happens. Also, I slept unusually hard and woke up with a start, quite a few hours later than I expected, from a weird anxiety dream. And that is always a rude awakening. I think I'm getting a migraine.
But, also, I stayed up very late updating all of my calendars (2 paper & my phone) with Kid's basketball practice and game schedules and Baby's new swimming class time & new dance class & the one million alerts necessary to keep us all on time (and with everything we need on hand). It was laborious!
I feel pretty overwhelmed, because I already find the 3 PM - 8 PM situation to be barely doable and now I've just thrown us into a blender at high speed. I think that the basketball will be a great experience, and I want Kid to try something outside of her comfort zone... but it is a lot. Because it is a small private school we have to drive our kids to the games, which means instead of getting a little ease put into my afternoon pickup routine... it is actually going to be much more intense. D'oh! I have to keep reminding myself we can get through 10 weeks. We can get through 10 weeks. Basically I have something somewhere every night but Friday (and 50% of the time we actually do have something on Friday night) (plus Baby's Saturday day dance lesson) and I was already driving for over 2 1/2 hours a day as it was. I'm scared, peeps. I really crave me some low key stress free days at home. I'm not big on being scheduled, let alone over scheduled. But these are the days.
Note To Self: DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR WORKOUTS.
Do Not Even Think About It, Woman!
So anyway, I've been right on the edge of a migraine all day... it is just starting to really set in. Which, FYI, I have been having less of since I reduced my coffee intake. I still have my vision issues (which is just another kind of migraine) but the really intense painful traditional migraines are definitely happening less frequently. So, bonus for me. Although, not bonus tonight.
But, despite everything, I still:
But, also, I stayed up very late updating all of my calendars (2 paper & my phone) with Kid's basketball practice and game schedules and Baby's new swimming class time & new dance class & the one million alerts necessary to keep us all on time (and with everything we need on hand). It was laborious!
I feel pretty overwhelmed, because I already find the 3 PM - 8 PM situation to be barely doable and now I've just thrown us into a blender at high speed. I think that the basketball will be a great experience, and I want Kid to try something outside of her comfort zone... but it is a lot. Because it is a small private school we have to drive our kids to the games, which means instead of getting a little ease put into my afternoon pickup routine... it is actually going to be much more intense. D'oh! I have to keep reminding myself we can get through 10 weeks. We can get through 10 weeks. Basically I have something somewhere every night but Friday (and 50% of the time we actually do have something on Friday night) (plus Baby's Saturday day dance lesson) and I was already driving for over 2 1/2 hours a day as it was. I'm scared, peeps. I really crave me some low key stress free days at home. I'm not big on being scheduled, let alone over scheduled. But these are the days.
Note To Self: DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR WORKOUTS.
Do Not Even Think About It, Woman!
So anyway, I've been right on the edge of a migraine all day... it is just starting to really set in. Which, FYI, I have been having less of since I reduced my coffee intake. I still have my vision issues (which is just another kind of migraine) but the really intense painful traditional migraines are definitely happening less frequently. So, bonus for me. Although, not bonus tonight.
But, despite everything, I still:
Stuck with my diet:
I eat this every single morning & me loves it!
Bay's English Muffin, Fried Egg & Spinach. Yum Yum
I worked out. I'm getting past the resistance phase and into the addiction phase.
I made not one, but two pots of soup and this delicious bread:
I Skyped with my niece.
I did 3 loads of laundry (and thanks to Mr F's help actually got it all put away!)
I registered Kid for sleep away camp this summer!
I took a gratuitous cat photo:
I made my meal plan and I got Kid to agree to buy lunch this week!
Then I helped Kid memorize her spelling and Memory for this week.
Now, maybe, if Mr F doesn't fall asleep reading to Baby,
we'll finally watch the new Downton Abbey.
Goal for this week: Go to BED.
Nothing is going to derail me faster than sleep deprivation.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Under the Wire
I didn't forget. I'm here. 11 posts in 11 days. I used to think about blogging like it was a job... it was a job... and it took a tremendous amount of work and effort to produce content every single day. I'm still just baby stepping here. I don't have my head in the game of constantly identifying blog topics just yet. I live my life much more than I edit it... and in many ways that is a good thing... but also just the necessity of life with older kids who actually leave the house and require me to take them. ;)
I also did my 16th consecutive workout and I'm happy to report that my ability and endurance levels are up & I upped the difficulty significantly today... and not only did it but put in an extra 5 minutes. Feeling good. My waist measurement is down an inch in just over 2 weeks. It is working!
I also did my 16th consecutive workout and I'm happy to report that my ability and endurance levels are up & I upped the difficulty significantly today... and not only did it but put in an extra 5 minutes. Feeling good. My waist measurement is down an inch in just over 2 weeks. It is working!
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Saturday
"When Dad said 'Be quiet', I thought to myself,
who doesn't want to wake up to the sound of their children's joyous laughter?"
Kid remarked this morning.
Those girls barely like each other.
After Mr F and Baby left for a play date I thought of some great ways to procrastinate packing up the Christmas stuff. I had Kid try on her new sport apparel... which if you remember the first time you tried to put on a sports bra you know that there were some hilariously awkward moments there. We decided she should just wear it to school on basketball days rather than risk getting caught in the arms & head bound bare chest out position. Not worth the risk, peeps. But we did laugh really hard.
Then I had her put on her basketball shoes.
I can't even figure out what is going on with the laces... I mean is there some kind of a trick?!
They are almost impossible to loosen & tighten. Gah!
Okay. I swear to God I am packing that Christmas shit up right now!!!
If I can get those bins out of here I'll feel much more productive.
Then I'm working out. I am back to my old school ways and I'm working out to old
Biggest Loser seasons on Hulu. There are tons of seasons I missed.
That show never stops inspiring me... I cry during every episode.
P.S. I'm down over 3 pounds in 16 days. I'm feeling really good.
The diet part is a piece of cake, I really am not suffering at all.
The workout is a little harder, I still want to sabotage on that front but I haven't.
I'm doing it.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Showing Up
This day was super crazy and I just ate coleslaw and tapioca pudding for dinner... so...
have low expectations, is what I'm saying.
Kid had a half day and Baby did not... so... we had a ton of driving and some awkward time in between which we successfully spent eating, shopping, & returning Christmas stuff.
(P.S. I still haven't finished packing up the Christmas bins!!!!)
I did have a fun and successful afternoon out with my favorite date.
With her homework load
we really don't get very much time to just hang out.
we really don't get very much time to just hang out.
As maladjusted as she is (Ha!) I sure do enjoy having her around:
And she patiently kept me company while we walked around the mall making returns and such.
I paid her in Godiva truffles. She ate one in one mouthful.
Which filled me with momentary regret and prompted me to call out:
"There goes $2.20 down the hatch!"
I exchanged a coat I got for Christmas for this coat which I kind of LOVE:
I am never going to stop loving you turquoise and magenta!! We've been Best Friends for over 30 years and I swear to God I'll never quit you!!
(It is turquoise in real life, just take me word for it.)
Then we scored some basketball shoes for Kid.
Interesting that they only make boy's shoes.
Interesting that they only make boy's shoes.
Baby will never EVER go for that. Basketball is out for her, for sure.
You may not know this, but I'm not really a big shopper
(exception: Target)
(exception: Target)
and Kid & I were worn OUT.
We weren't even at it for 2 hours.
After picking up Baby, I did still manage to squeeze in my workout...
(it was close... I REALLY didn't want to... and I had managed to hurt not one, but two fingers, on opposite hands, within 10 seconds of each other while trying to get out of the car?!
It was weird and blood & bandages were involved)
I even managed an extra 5 minutes on the treadmill to make up for little Miss Distraction:
I don't know how rollerskating with a giant dust mop all around the treadmill would bother me?
At least she has a helmet on & is kind of cleaning.
This is all extremely reminiscent of this get up, is it not?:
It is good to know she hasn't changed her spots too much.
(P.S. 14th consecutive workout, I'm really doing it, peeps.)
And then we attended Baby's curriculum night
(which I had almost forgotten about!!!!)
(which I had almost forgotten about!!!!)
and caught this cute moment between Baby and her best friend:
Dinner was scraped
but not my diet!
(hence the bizarro dinner choices)
and Mr F took the kids out for pizza.
The End.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Good Advice: Christmas Edition
Somewhere on the world wide web I came across this Christmas (or insert any major holiday) organizing advice:
As you pack up your stuff for the year jot down what worked and what didn't (i.e. order Xmas cards earlier by such and such date, don't let the girls write Santa letters on Xmas eve unless you want to kill yourself, recipe failures or success, teacher gift ideas, etc... you get it) and put it at the top of one of your decoration bins.
Well, I just thought that was genius advice and wanted to share it with you all. It is easy to forget the lessons learned the previous year... which traditions are more stress than they are worth, which events made the holiday experience & when the tickets go on sale, etc.
I already started streamlining our bins last year and sorted out a "1st Bin" which has the bare minimum that we need to get things going on time (the advent calendars & tree lights & star & tree skirt). If we are crazed at the beginning of the month I know I can pull out the advent calendars on time. This has happened more years than not, particularly since we are often out of town for Thanksgiving. I'm in love with the "1st Bin"... No more starting advent calendars 3 days in!
So for us, I have worked out the couple of things that hadn't worked as smoothly as they could have and jotted them down along with the surprise holiday hits I want to repeat and tucked the list on top of my "1st Bin"...
I have a reminder that Christmas lists need to be finalized over Thanksgiving weekend. This is before the girls get cuckoo for coconuts and start thinking they want stuff they've seen in store circulars but really had never heard of before. I might even have them drop them off at one of those Santa mailboxes just to be sure there is an END point to their lists. This year Kid was the worst and thought of what she *really* wanted at 9 PM on the 23rd. Santa is a miracle worker... but... that can't always be pulled off and it created a lot of stress!
Also, Thanksgiving weekend would be a perfect time to pick out our Christmas card. This year was a crazy last minute fiasco with Mr F ordering some (without telling me) and then I ordered some not knowing he had... gah!... it was a big expensive mess. So we've agreed to just get it done when we have the time off for Thanksgiving and can make a joint decision together.
Ikea pre-made gingerbread house parts are THE BOMB. They were cheap and easy to assemble. All you need is your own icing & candy. We had one for each girl... it was AWESOME.
While I'm at Ikea I'll pick up more of the super nice battery operated candles they had in the Christmas section by checkout (they were great for caroling and with the window suction cup holders you can get at Joann's they are great as window candles). Easy on off button on the bottom. And affordable. I want to put them in all of the windows.
So, yes, my basic lesson was Thanksgiving (not for shopping, that isn't my scene) is the perfect time (and only downtime available until Christmas!!) to knock out a lot of the little things that help get the season started. Also, if I'm ever going to pull off Christmas boxes I need to mark out a weekend on the calendar and do it. I failed this year thinking I could fit it in, but with school parties and events my weekends were booked all the way through Christmas. I think the 1st weekend in December, before all the holiday parties get rolling.
As you pack up your stuff for the year jot down what worked and what didn't (i.e. order Xmas cards earlier by such and such date, don't let the girls write Santa letters on Xmas eve unless you want to kill yourself, recipe failures or success, teacher gift ideas, etc... you get it) and put it at the top of one of your decoration bins.
Well, I just thought that was genius advice and wanted to share it with you all. It is easy to forget the lessons learned the previous year... which traditions are more stress than they are worth, which events made the holiday experience & when the tickets go on sale, etc.
I already started streamlining our bins last year and sorted out a "1st Bin" which has the bare minimum that we need to get things going on time (the advent calendars & tree lights & star & tree skirt). If we are crazed at the beginning of the month I know I can pull out the advent calendars on time. This has happened more years than not, particularly since we are often out of town for Thanksgiving. I'm in love with the "1st Bin"... No more starting advent calendars 3 days in!
So for us, I have worked out the couple of things that hadn't worked as smoothly as they could have and jotted them down along with the surprise holiday hits I want to repeat and tucked the list on top of my "1st Bin"...
I have a reminder that Christmas lists need to be finalized over Thanksgiving weekend. This is before the girls get cuckoo for coconuts and start thinking they want stuff they've seen in store circulars but really had never heard of before. I might even have them drop them off at one of those Santa mailboxes just to be sure there is an END point to their lists. This year Kid was the worst and thought of what she *really* wanted at 9 PM on the 23rd. Santa is a miracle worker... but... that can't always be pulled off and it created a lot of stress!
Also, Thanksgiving weekend would be a perfect time to pick out our Christmas card. This year was a crazy last minute fiasco with Mr F ordering some (without telling me) and then I ordered some not knowing he had... gah!... it was a big expensive mess. So we've agreed to just get it done when we have the time off for Thanksgiving and can make a joint decision together.
Ikea pre-made gingerbread house parts are THE BOMB. They were cheap and easy to assemble. All you need is your own icing & candy. We had one for each girl... it was AWESOME.
While I'm at Ikea I'll pick up more of the super nice battery operated candles they had in the Christmas section by checkout (they were great for caroling and with the window suction cup holders you can get at Joann's they are great as window candles). Easy on off button on the bottom. And affordable. I want to put them in all of the windows.
So, yes, my basic lesson was Thanksgiving (not for shopping, that isn't my scene) is the perfect time (and only downtime available until Christmas!!) to knock out a lot of the little things that help get the season started. Also, if I'm ever going to pull off Christmas boxes I need to mark out a weekend on the calendar and do it. I failed this year thinking I could fit it in, but with school parties and events my weekends were booked all the way through Christmas. I think the 1st weekend in December, before all the holiday parties get rolling.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Because Productivity is Contagious (unless it involves Christmas decorations...)
I'm back on both meal planning and stocking my freezer:
Also, not for nothing, this helps with dieting. If I have everything ready to go we don't end up going out to eat on a night when the shit hits the fan. When you are aiming for 1200, going out to eat (while not technically impossible) is setting yourself up to mess up (or at least it is for me). Once you've figured out the calories in these meals you do not need to ever do it again!!! That alone almost makes it worth it.
I have made a couple of changes to help streamline the meal planning process. A lot of people already do this, but I always felt pressure to think of a new menu every week... not anymore. I have a one week menu & that baby is going to pretty much be on repeat (pending some kind of sale ridiculous sale at the store) until the seasons change. There is wiggle room within the plan, and I can certainly switch days around... but for the most part I've settled on well balanced meals that EVERY single family member truly enjoys. They are all meals that can be doubled or tripled, which means that I don't have to start from scratch EVERY week. This is going to be very helpful come next week when Kid's basketball season starts and we aren't home until 6 PM, 3 nights a week and then we start the with the homework!
Basically we are at this menu:
Monday - Chili with brown rice & cornbread
Tuesday - Chicken turnovers (or chicken & noodles) with spinach salad
Wednesday - Spaghetti & meatballs with sauteed broccoli
Thursday - BBQ pulled chicken sandwiches with coleslaw
Friday - Taco night
Saturday - Soup (Potato Leek or Chicken Noodle) with spinach salad and rolls
Sunday - leftovers; & I cook a big batch off Pesto pasta to pack for school lunches.
Chili is an easy doubled recipe (heck next time I could quadruple it). Chicken turnovers can be doubled, chicken & noodles or chicken & veg stirfry, etc aren't doubled but all start with shredded poached chicken. I buy chicken breasts when they are on sale and poach them, shred and bag them in 2 cup portions in my freezer. Turns all of the chicken meals into a 20 minute meal. The turnovers take a some planning but are about 15 minutes of prep and 20 minutes in the oven. The meatballs are easily made in huge batches. I brown them and then freeze. To cook, I cover them with sauce & bake in the oven for 30 minutes at 350 while I boil the water for the pasta & saute the broccoli. BBQ chicken is a crockpot meal which easily makes 3 meals (using 12 chicken thighs). I fix the coleslaw while I'm loading the crockpot & all I have to do is shred it when I get home. I make 2 nights worth of taco filling (ground meat & beans), one for that night & one for the freezer. The soups, obviously, make around 3 meals and I make 24 rolls at a time which lasts for 3 meals as well. All I need to do is buy our fresh produce & whatever is needed to keep the batch cooking rolling. If I have time I add to the stockpile rather than deplete it. I don't want to get stuck on a busy week needed to make the meatballs, for example. I'd much rather make another big batch and keep building up my reserves.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
Actively Resisting
the strong urge to catch up online
I'm keeping the house at 55 during the day
which makes it really unpleasant to sit (for any length of time)
getting offline
and on the treadmill
I'm keeping the house at 55 during the day
which makes it really unpleasant to sit (for any length of time)
getting offline
and on the treadmill
Sunday, January 12, 2014
One Day At A Time
9 days of 60 minute workouts. Hard. Both the level of workout and making myself do it. But I am.
Also calorie counting. 1200. Doable but I can't make any mistakes. I realize how many little things I was always letting go. They all count now.
There is a lot that goes into all of this, and why I haven't been doing it. It isn't really HARD, you know? It isn't NEWS. It is just a reflection of a self esteem issue which requires me to fail and feel like shit (I have been very successful in this department), a slowing metabolism and hormonal flux which required MORE conscious effort and not the LESS I had decided I'd earned the right to expend (see self esteem issues above), the busy life we live, my predisposition to put everyone else's needs first, and my all or nothing personality which was constantly derailing any effort anytime I had to take a legitimate break for health/family reasons (see putting everyone's needs first).
So, I'm just like you. I have spent the last 3 solid years letting myself fail at something, more or less on purpose, not because I can't succeed but to keep myself from succeeding. 20 years of therapy and I'm still working on the human condition.
I have tried everything I can to avoid just doing the thing that I know works. Why? So that I can fail... I've found more than a dozen ways to fail at taking care of myself in the way that actual results in liking who I am. I will struggle with this my whole life. I'm content with that. I just have to wake up everyday and decide that the one hour it takes to be successful is easier than enduring 24 hours of mental self abuse. Even when the excuses call to me like a Siren.
I can do this. I can like myself again and not let it go once I reach my goal.
Steps:
I have to weigh myself every SINGLE fucking day. Period. This doesn't make me feel bad about myself. I have a very small frame and gaining weight is a slippery slope and it is just so much harder for me to lose it than to maintain it. I need to stay fully conscious of where I am at. A slight gain is motivation to keep working out, checking in a year later and realizing you've gained 10 lbs? (yes, I did that) just set me up on failure/shame spiral that has held me down ever since.
I have to workout every SINGLE fucking day for 60 minutes. That is my body type, that is what I know works and allows me to not have to micromanage my food once I am back in maintenance, and that is factually the amount I need to burn enough calories to be able to lose while eating 1200 calories a day... I can't eat less without harming my family with my low blood sugar mood swings.
I am not going to volunteer at anymore school events (outside of my PTL commitments & field trips). Between both schools I have had my schedule so chopped up that it was too easy for me to cut out working out. I am still baby stepping into a solid routine and reestablishing a habit...I know myself and I need to get as many consecutive days done as humanly possible before I mess with my rhythm. I might not be able to (or want to) put myself before my children or Mr F, but I sure as hell am going to put myself before school craft fairs for crying out loud!
That's it. I'm not eating Paleo (interestingly read a fascinating blog post about why it doesn't work for women HERE which resonated with my experience), because I don't need to, I just need to chose to respect myself. I'm eating whatever the hell I want as long as I account for it and have the calories to do it (I've had a Starbucks Caramel Flan Latte for lunch twice in 9 days... believe it), this is what works for me and allows me to eat with virtually no impact on my family.
Here's the nitty gritty in case you want to know. I've essentially gained 15 pounds (all fat, obviously) in the 3+ years we've been back in MI. That might not sound like a lot, and for anyone over 5' it probably isn't! But for me, that is a 15% body fat increase and 2-3 pant size increase and... well... I wear it on my face & gut and I hate myself for it. People (other than Kid) have asked if I was pregnant... so... you know... 15 pounds that makes you look 4 months pregnant is a fucking problem for my self esteem. And I'm just done hating myself for it, when it is a completely fixable problem and would only take 3 months of focused effort to take care of.
The End. I'm taking care of it.
Also calorie counting. 1200. Doable but I can't make any mistakes. I realize how many little things I was always letting go. They all count now.
There is a lot that goes into all of this, and why I haven't been doing it. It isn't really HARD, you know? It isn't NEWS. It is just a reflection of a self esteem issue which requires me to fail and feel like shit (I have been very successful in this department), a slowing metabolism and hormonal flux which required MORE conscious effort and not the LESS I had decided I'd earned the right to expend (see self esteem issues above), the busy life we live, my predisposition to put everyone else's needs first, and my all or nothing personality which was constantly derailing any effort anytime I had to take a legitimate break for health/family reasons (see putting everyone's needs first).
So, I'm just like you. I have spent the last 3 solid years letting myself fail at something, more or less on purpose, not because I can't succeed but to keep myself from succeeding. 20 years of therapy and I'm still working on the human condition.
I have tried everything I can to avoid just doing the thing that I know works. Why? So that I can fail... I've found more than a dozen ways to fail at taking care of myself in the way that actual results in liking who I am. I will struggle with this my whole life. I'm content with that. I just have to wake up everyday and decide that the one hour it takes to be successful is easier than enduring 24 hours of mental self abuse. Even when the excuses call to me like a Siren.
I can do this. I can like myself again and not let it go once I reach my goal.
Steps:
I have to weigh myself every SINGLE fucking day. Period. This doesn't make me feel bad about myself. I have a very small frame and gaining weight is a slippery slope and it is just so much harder for me to lose it than to maintain it. I need to stay fully conscious of where I am at. A slight gain is motivation to keep working out, checking in a year later and realizing you've gained 10 lbs? (yes, I did that) just set me up on failure/shame spiral that has held me down ever since.
I have to workout every SINGLE fucking day for 60 minutes. That is my body type, that is what I know works and allows me to not have to micromanage my food once I am back in maintenance, and that is factually the amount I need to burn enough calories to be able to lose while eating 1200 calories a day... I can't eat less without harming my family with my low blood sugar mood swings.
I am not going to volunteer at anymore school events (outside of my PTL commitments & field trips). Between both schools I have had my schedule so chopped up that it was too easy for me to cut out working out. I am still baby stepping into a solid routine and reestablishing a habit...I know myself and I need to get as many consecutive days done as humanly possible before I mess with my rhythm. I might not be able to (or want to) put myself before my children or Mr F, but I sure as hell am going to put myself before school craft fairs for crying out loud!
That's it. I'm not eating Paleo (interestingly read a fascinating blog post about why it doesn't work for women HERE which resonated with my experience), because I don't need to, I just need to chose to respect myself. I'm eating whatever the hell I want as long as I account for it and have the calories to do it (I've had a Starbucks Caramel Flan Latte for lunch twice in 9 days... believe it), this is what works for me and allows me to eat with virtually no impact on my family.
Here's the nitty gritty in case you want to know. I've essentially gained 15 pounds (all fat, obviously) in the 3+ years we've been back in MI. That might not sound like a lot, and for anyone over 5' it probably isn't! But for me, that is a 15% body fat increase and 2-3 pant size increase and... well... I wear it on my face & gut and I hate myself for it. People (other than Kid) have asked if I was pregnant... so... you know... 15 pounds that makes you look 4 months pregnant is a fucking problem for my self esteem. And I'm just done hating myself for it, when it is a completely fixable problem and would only take 3 months of focused effort to take care of.
The End. I'm taking care of it.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
11 AM
I'm still wearing my 100% awesome PJs made from stuffed animal hides.
Baby is working on her rainbow zebra. Full disclosure: I drew the outline of the zebra for this one.
Kid is ... reading.
Big Boy came to announce his dissatisfaction with his food bowl level.
i.e. not overflowing = empty
Friday, January 10, 2014
Self Esteem Boosting
As if it weren't bad enough that every time we find another mole on Baby she reacts in abject horror...
going dead in the eyes and whimpering "I don't want more moles"
Oh, gee, thanks. I'm glad I'm a human monster.
Or that very memorable time when Kid remarked on my outfit:
"You could be like 4 months pregnant in the 80s and no one would even know."
"Are you saying I look pregnant?" I replied self consciously.
"No, I'm saying you could be pregnant and no one would be able to tell." Kid explained.
"It's a compliment." She clarified.
"I'm not sure it is." I muttered through my dry silent tears....
You see the pattern here right?
Well, the other night Kid blurted out,
"I HATE Roman noses."
And, since the well had been primed, I took great offense.
going dead in the eyes and whimpering "I don't want more moles"
Oh, gee, thanks. I'm glad I'm a human monster.
Or that very memorable time when Kid remarked on my outfit:
"You could be like 4 months pregnant in the 80s and no one would even know."
"Are you saying I look pregnant?" I replied self consciously.
"No, I'm saying you could be pregnant and no one would be able to tell." Kid explained.
"It's a compliment." She clarified.
"I'm not sure it is." I muttered through my dry silent tears....
You see the pattern here right?
Well, the other night Kid blurted out,
"I HATE Roman noses."
And, since the well had been primed, I took great offense.
Kid was baffled.
"You don't have a Roman nose!"
And she was so emphatically sincere that I kind of believed she wasn't just digging herself out of hole.
"I mean, you know... the flat noses." and she gestured at a chopped off nose.
"Oh! Those aren't Roman noses." I said laughing.
"Those noses are just broken off of the statues." I explained.
We laughed hysterically for a good five minutes.
"Oh, good! I was always afraid of going to Rome!" Kid admitted.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Fake It Till You Make It
A lot of what has been keeping me from blogging regularly... outside of just a tremendously busy schedule and little time at home with my computer!... is that I just got out of the daily habit. And like anything else (working out, ahem) just figuring out how to fit it back in can seem overwhelming. But unlike working out, blogging can feel like a completely unnecessary thing to try to fit into an already over stretched schedule. A selfish thing. The first thing to cut.
Except that isn't true.
I've given up a time and space for myself... for creative expression & friendship building. A space that starts blank but ends up filled with thoughts and opinions and ideas I hadn't even intended to express. Blogging helps me. It helps me to better know myself. It is more self fulfilling than selfish and, yes, there is a difference. Removing that from my daily life has created a huge void and I often feel adrift. Moorless (which it turns out isn't a word, but let's all agree that it should be). I need anchoring, to something other than my carpool schedule. Desperately.
For the next 3 months I am putting a few things at the top of my priority list (after caring for my kids of course). I am working out every day. I do have time, I just have to protect that time. I am also going to blog every day. Instead of sitting down while I eat my breakfast and checking email, getting a Facebook update on everyone, and scrolling through my blog reader...(and you know what that does? It says I'm starting my day on someone else's agenda... have you found that? Someone's email or update will start a snowball effect that can steamroll my whole day and take me way off of the course I had intended to set)... I am going to write a post. It might be short, it might be long. I just need to get this ball rolling and stop feeling like I owe you all a recap.
One post done and I already feel better.
See you tomorrow.
Except that isn't true.
I've given up a time and space for myself... for creative expression & friendship building. A space that starts blank but ends up filled with thoughts and opinions and ideas I hadn't even intended to express. Blogging helps me. It helps me to better know myself. It is more self fulfilling than selfish and, yes, there is a difference. Removing that from my daily life has created a huge void and I often feel adrift. Moorless (which it turns out isn't a word, but let's all agree that it should be). I need anchoring, to something other than my carpool schedule. Desperately.
For the next 3 months I am putting a few things at the top of my priority list (after caring for my kids of course). I am working out every day. I do have time, I just have to protect that time. I am also going to blog every day. Instead of sitting down while I eat my breakfast and checking email, getting a Facebook update on everyone, and scrolling through my blog reader...(and you know what that does? It says I'm starting my day on someone else's agenda... have you found that? Someone's email or update will start a snowball effect that can steamroll my whole day and take me way off of the course I had intended to set)... I am going to write a post. It might be short, it might be long. I just need to get this ball rolling and stop feeling like I owe you all a recap.
One post done and I already feel better.
See you tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
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