Greetings From Hell

"You need to play quietly for a little bit... cause Mommy is really hot and really grumpy and she needs quiet so she doesn't freak out."

Let me first say this was all my fault... All. My. Fault. And I take complete responsibility for how badly the current circumstances have unfolded... But if there is a Hell I have just returned from it.... And if ever I came close to actually leaving my children (well..one anyway) behind today is that day.

You should know that typing is difficult as my hands are literally shaking from pure physical and emotional exhaustion. Excuse me while I get myself a chocolate and some sparkling water.... okay I'm back.

Okay yesterday hearkening back to the good old days... aka pre Baby F... when Kid F wasn't such a pain in the ass and we used to go on little lunch dates and whatnot downtown... I decided to walk to the library with the kids this morning and take them out to lunch. It was going to be hot today but we'd go early... it wouldn't be too bad. To get downtown is 1.5 miles and you have to venture over two hills. We live just on the other side of the crest of a big but slowly inclining hill so most of the walk downtown you are entering into a kind of valley. Then you reach a VERY steep incline that spans about 2 blocks until you reach downtown proper. I gave Kid the option of walking while I pushed the stroller or riding in the bike trailer (converted to a doubl-ish stroller) with the baby. She wisely chose to ride. This would be our first attempt at using this as a stroller.

After some finagling I manage to squish them in there. Kid was having some serious wedgie issues which forced her to elbow the baby as she tried to dislodge her underwear. Baby wasn't enjoying this... and didn't like the abrasive straps... but with some movement I got them all to settle in. The way there was great... hard work... but hey I'm counting this as my exercise... look at me I'm "fit mom". Some homeless guy outside of the library even said "You got guns Momma!" Well that is like the greatest fucking thing anyone has ever said to me. I was feeling great! Oh and Baby F actually fell asleep in the trailer... even better I can focus on Kid! So we read some books and then Baby wakes up and does a crazy twist in the straps getting herself entangled and scraping most of her dimpled fleshy goodness with those damn straps. But she recovers and we are all happily playing and having a great time. "Hey I AM every woman... check it out... I walked downtown... we are playing... Kid doesn't hate me for once!" An old acquaintance shows up and asks incredulously "Did you walk here?" "Why yes I did!" It takes a fellow mom to know exactly how hard it is to push a trailer with over 60 pounds of child in it up a San Francisco style hill.

After all our library joyousness we were off to Kid's favorite lunch place. But Uh oh... Baby doesn't want anything to do with the trailer... screaming ensues... and my silent swearing because this trailer was designed by a complete fucking jackass... and Kid has to keep flopping into Baby's side because that is just what she does to tick me off. Well never mind... I AM every woman... mission accomplished... off we go. We arrive at Kid's favorite restaurant to find it packed... there is one table in the middle of the room... and Kid is devastated. She just doesn't understand that I am pushing a stroller the size of a Yugo and I'm not even sure I can get it in the door let alone have a place to put it while we eat. She wants me to leave it outside... but after just having our car stolen I'm not keen on the idea. So we continue on... Kid mildly tantruming... and me starting to realize the potential for disaster. It is now 12:30 and it is getting HOT.. the sun is blazing and the whole way home it will be directly in our eyes... yikes... must find food. Plus I'm now starving and I know Kid is and that spells violent butting of heads if it isn't remedied ASAP! After about 15 minutes we settle on a little cafe with outdoor seating... that way I can leave the trailer outside.. and their tables are in the shade. No highchairs though... that's okay don't worry about me, I'll just hold the wriggling 8 month old in my LAP while I try to eat my salad... this will be fun! Not only does this turn out to have been a bad choice on a lot of levels but despite seemingly only having 5 other tables we of course had the slowest service imaginable.

Okay an hour later we are done with our lunch... and despite asking for a brownie Kid is suddenly full... and I don't know why but that kind of stuff always pisses me off. Okay it is now 2pm... the sun is blazing and I have a half hour walk uphill literally the whole way to go while walking directly into the sun the entire way. Oh yeah I'm pushing the goddamn trailer with 60+pounds of kid in it, our bag and 10 pounds of books... uphill and into the sun for half and hour and it is just under 90 mother fucking degrees out! So I'm already a little apprehensive and maybe testy and I just want to get this over with as soon as humanly possible. But first I must buckle the kids into the trailer. I try to get Kid in first... this stupid fucking thing requires them to share a fucking buckle... in -fucking- genius engineering you goddamn mother fuckers! Okay Kid starts in with her flailing antics... like it is completely impossible for her to sit on half the goddamn seat... and any type of direction for her to do so results in her throwing herself halfway out of the trailer. About 10 people are outside at the cafe watching me do this... so smile everyone.. you are being judged right now... no fucking pressure... I AM every goddamn woman.. look at me... I can do this without threatening Kid... watch! So After about 5 minutes of tantruming 5 year old and screaming Baby we are off... or are we? Dammit the sun is right in Baby's face and she is none to pleased. She is getting pissed in the escalating kind of fashion you know you can't calm down. Meanwhile Kid is writhing and dramatically picking at her wedgie. Oops she elbows Baby who is now hysterical. I want to throttle Kid, but know that this is my fault, she wants to get out. Likelihood of Kid F walking a mile and a half under these conditions?... NIL. But really what are my choices? SO I take the Baby out and now demand that Kid get out.. because you better believe that if I am having to carry my 19 pound baby all the way home while pushing the trailer... the trailer will NOT have a 45 pound 5 year old in it... not while her legs still work! So I limp along at an infuriatingly slow pace holding the baby and pushing the trailer while Kid picks up her drama level ten fold and begins intentionally tripping and falling to the ground. I loudly ask her to walk "like a NORMAL kid!" When we make it to the next light and she decides to trip and fall practically into traffic and I realize this isn't going to happen... and my only choice is to try and get them in the trailer and make a run for it.

Keep in mind it is HOT really HOT and we are all red in the face and sweaty... there is NO shade... and yes it has only been 5 minutes. I order Kid into the trailer.. she begins with her wedgie antics and flailing... I make it clear I am not messing around. Mommy is hot... and anyone who knows me knows heat is my Kryptonite! Kid is losing her mind in there so I tell her to stand up and take her underwear off.. she can't believe what she is hearing but complies... then I tell her I am serious she needs to sit up and stay on her side. I pry Baby in... she is NOT happy. I literally begin running. I am not a runner... I do not run. I make it about 2/3rds of the way (no not running all the time) when Baby is just not going to take it anymore. I am literally dripping with sweat and I just want to leave the trailer on the side of the road and have a cab take us home. I get Baby out and put her in the sling. Now I am pretty thin and the sling doesn't get tight enough for this to be a really safe carrying method... plus we are both already covered in sweat and being bound together with a few yards of fabric is not going to help matters. Oh did I mention I had two iced teas and I really need to pee? How about that I am wearing sports sandals instead of sneakers and have a wood chip lodged under my foot? Don't worry I only have 10 more minutes to go! We make it home... Baby sweaty but asleep, Kid grumbling that she is starving... and me with a shaky body and spirit and a sweat soaked shirt.

Oh yeah.. that Chicken Soup I was going to make with Kid tonight... I think not.

Calling All Weight Loss Veterans... Or Barring That... Weight Loss Wannabes

Alright I'm getting ready to switch from "weight loss" mode to "maintenance" mode... and frankly I'm scared out of my mind. I have a lot of thoughts... lots and lots of thoughts about this next step.
More on all of that later.

What I want now is to hear from you (YES YOU!).

Come out of your lurking status and let me know how you did it... or how you plan to do it.
How did you know when you were done losing weight?
What changes have you made to your lifestyle to keep the weight off?
Have you kept the weight off?

I think it would be so valuable to hear how your plans for maintenance panned out in reality.
What things were bigger hurdles than you expected?
Were you able to maintain at your lowest weight or did you have to find a more comfortable weight?
What dieting habits have you kept and which ones did you let go of?

And for all of you who haven't reached this point... you will... and when you do have you thought about how you plan to keep it off?

In The Kitchen With Kid.. Kid Proves Herself

Oh my god... Kid has turned out to be a culinary genius!

Last week while in CT visiting my in-laws we went to an Italian chain restaurant called Bertucci's. They hand out a portion of pizza dough to the kids... I'm not sure why.. anyway Kid didn't play with it or eat it (or whatever the intention was) so I put it in my bag and we took it home. When we got to my in-laws my Mother-in-law was making an apple pie. Kid took her pizza dough and put some cut up apple bits on it and cinnamon and covered it with pie crust scraps and grape halves. I know that doesn't sound great but it was actually not bad.

Fast forward... I'm making bread today so I saved her a dinner roll sized chunk of dough and let her go at it. Meanwhile I made a small portion of pie crust (1/4c flour, 1/8 t salt, 1 T shortening & 1/2 T of water). She rolled out her bread dough and put sliced banana, chocolate chips and cinnamon on it (Okay I did steer her in this direction... I do have to eat it when it is done!).
Then she rolled out a golf ball sized portion of pie crust and put it on top. I brushed it with half & half and popped it in a 400 degree oven for 20 minutes.
While it was baking I had my doubts... but sweet fucking jesus this tastes exactly like chocolate babka... with only a fraction of the fat. Added bonus... you only need the cooking skills of a five year old to pull it off! I'm being completely serious...this is good!

This makes one wicked faux babka at 250 calories...or it share it with your mom for 125 calories a piece!

Yum in Your Tum

Don't doubt me... this will be the BEST cobbler you have ever had!
This is not crisp... this is cobbler. There are no oats or crunchy bits. There is the most amazing cakey goodness atop your fruit. Deliciousness. I got this recipe from my uncle's ex-wife. Most people thought she was crazy, but hey I am certainly not one to judge so we always got along fine ;) She was possibly the best home baker I have ever known. And that is saying something because, people, I take my baking real seriously!

Read the whole recipe first since I have broken the ingredients down within the instructions.


Fruit Cobbler

preheat your oven to 350 degrees

5 c (about) fruit, sliced or prepped (that's 5 med sized apples)
3 T - 4T brown sugar (depending on tartness of fruit)
3 T flour
6 -7 dashes cinnamon or about half as much nutmeg (or a mix of each)
combine the above ingredients in a 8" square glass dish (or similar) coating the fruit thoroughly.

in a separate bowl beat 1 egg
sift into the egg 1 c flour (and by sift I mean dump)
and 1 c white sugar
mix together with a fork until crumbly
pour egg mixture evenly on top of fruit mixture

melt 6 T butter and pour over the top of the cobbler. Do this slowly, you want to coat the entire surface with butter.

bake for 45 min in a hot 350 degree oven

makes 9 servings at 250 calories a piece (made with apples) .. that does not take into account the vanilla ice cream you will most certainly want with this!


*notes
This is unbelievably good made with plums (red plums being the best). I know that might seem unusual to some but it is fantastic... leave the plum skin on! But hey I got this out to you all a little late in the season for that.... go peel your apples!
Also as in all baked goods, unless otherwise specified, you should be using unsalted butter.


And yeah go ahead and click on that picture to see it in all its up close glory! :)

Oops He Did It Again

So last night Mr F touches my hair and says "The funny thing about all that is that I actually have been liking your hair lately."
"Now?" I reply somewhat incredulously
"Well... not now." He answers

Keep it up Mr Fat Pants!

For Your Viewing Pleasure

Here is a hoodie the girls wanted me to get. I know you might be thinking... what's the big deal with that? ... Oh nothing... unless you count the fact that it is an extra small! I didn't even realize that until I got home. It is kind of hard to tell what this looks like in the photos.. but I assure you it is kind of modern-y cute in a Target sort of way. The earrings I was a bit skeptical of... they seemed a little jewel-y gold-y for my taste but what the hell do I know... after wearing them all day I've decided I like them... so good job girls! The other things I got I think I'm going to return. Either Mr F thinks they look weird or as he so eloquently said "like a bathrobe" or I'm not sure they are completely flattering. I mean Target isn't exactly known for their well fitting clothes! I know, I know... maybe I should try shopping someplace that doesn't also sell toilet paper!

Back To The Usual Good Humored Fluff You've Come To Expect

Late last night after finally getting both girls to bed I turn to Mr F and say "God I need to do something about my hair... it looks terrible"
And Mr Furious replies "Not always" with a completely straight face.

If I had been eating I believe that I might have started choking.

Not fucking always!?!
Wrong goddamn answer Mr. F!

This Morning Blows!

The girls and I had an outing planned for this morning. We were meeting up with some of our oldest friends for a group play date at our favorite apple orchard. Kid F was really excited to see her best friends and I was really excited to get some cider and donuts..er.. I mean catch up with the moms... I had even gone online to find out how many calories were in those delicious sugar coated deep fried cakey wonders (200 by the way).

Well this morning everything was running fairly smoothly and then Kid F comes down the stairs saying her "tummy hurts". The thing is Kid F says this pretty much everyday. And yes I've talked to her doctors about it. I'm not sure what it is.. but usually after I remind her to go potty and then give her some breakfast she is feeling much better. Well not this morning. She went potty but still felt badly. I made her a peanut butter sandwich but she refused to have a bite. Already my red flags are going up. I give her her anti-seizure meds and ask her to sit by the bathroom while I take a shower.

Now if you don't already know this Kid Furious has epilepsy, she was diagnosed about a year ago after suffering 2 life threatening prolonged non-convulsive seizures. Here is the kicker they both started with her tummy feeling upset and then vomiting.

Soooo I'm in the shower washing my hair as quickly as I can thinking through how the hell I'm gonna be able to drive the car behind the freakin' ambulance since now I have a baby and they aren't going to let me ride with her! I get out and peek around the corner... she is fine. I put my pants on and she starts to gag. Like the total trooper she is she runs to the bathroom and throws up in the toilet. I'm of course starting to obsess over everything she is doing trying to decide if she is seizing or not. And no it isn't always easy to tell.. it wasn't until after half an hour when she started foaming from the mouth and lost consciousness that I knew it wasn't an upset stomach with her first seizure a year ago!

She seems lucid and I settle her in front of the tv with a bucket (we've got an unlimited tv when you're sick rule). But here is the problem... she threw up her meds... and I don't know how long they were in her system. If I re-dose her it could be too much for her... arrrggggh! So I cancel our play date and call the hospital. While I wait for their call I've hooked up our video monitor (thank you Angie!) so I can watch her while I take care of the Baby. Why does this stuff always happen when I'm home alone?!

UPDATE:
I got approval to re-dose the medicine. She has eaten and kept it down... in fact you'd think nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all today. She is feeling fine. Of course when it rains it pours and I am now off to the Doctor with the baby who has been tugging at her ear...

This Week The Plan

Okay I'm finally getting back on track and planning out my menus again.
Going out of town last week really threw things off since we returned midweek and with the whole car incident I really never got much further than unpacking my bags. This even spilled over into my workout schedule. As stoked as I was not to have gained while we were gone I have really struggled to keep my workouts going since getting back. Seemingly any type of break in my routine really makes it hard for me to pull it together... it is that whole control begets control... just in reverse. It is still so eye opening to see how easy it is to get off track! Tomorrow is a new day and a new week and I am planning to get back to business. I really feel better all around.. mood, energy level, general disposition... when I make these weekly plans. As unnatural as it was for me in the beginning.. the weeks I don't do it I don't ever feel like I have everything quite taken care of.. like I am hobbling along trying to catch up and then the week is over and I didn't workout as much as I wanted, or do the laundry, or clean... I really do feel much more chaotic. So lesson learned (again!) and here I go...

Monday: Strip Steak, green beans, roasted potatoes
Tuesday: Brown Sugar & Ginger Salmon, steamed broccoli & rice
Wednesday: Mr F & Kid F date night
Thursday: Steak Sandwiches on homemade bread, salad
Friday: Kid's Chicken Soup & bread
Saturday: go out to eat
Sunday: Salmon Noodle Casserole with embellished apple sauce & sauteed mushrooms

Also since things really have gotten crazy around the house lets see if a weekly plan can help with that too...
Monday: Laundry
Tuesday: Clean Bathroom
Wednesday: Clean Wood Floors
Thursday: Clean Tile Floors
Friday: Clean Kitchen
Alright I'm scared just thinking about doing all that... this will be a real challenge! (I'm sure Mr F is laughing his ass off right about now.. shut your trap!... I can do it!)

As for weight loss I'm not really expecting to be dropping much more weight. I'd really like to keep working at my body fat % goal though. I think my calorie range is pretty good where it is at so I'm just going to stick with the 1600-1800 range for now. I would really like to fit in some more strength training so this week I'm shooting for 2 full pilates workouts (about 45 min each) and 4 hours of cardio. I'd like to find the balance that allows me to increase my fitness while maintaining my weight. I'm willing to go down about another 2 or 3 pounds but then I think I need to work at finding the right calorie limit that allows me to maintain... we'll see it could take a few weeks for me to figure out where I'll need to be.

That's it... nothing terribly exciting... just me trying to get my life back in order.

Oh... here are some pics of my new shirt and earrings... click on them to get a better look (sorry I look a little crazy.. the photo booth feature does that)

Finally Someone Does What I Tell Them To!

My Mother who originally started emailing her food diary, along with my friend and I, 7 months ago has finally gotten on board for real this time and has seen a 3 pound loss this past week because of it! Heretofore she had been intermittently sending out her food diaries and had lost a few pounds and then regained them over the last couple of months but she wasn't really committed she was just going through the motions. She didn't really change how she ate or what she ate, just how much (some of the time), and she didn't change her activity level. Now finding herself back where she started and facing a big trip to Japan in a few weeks she wanted to get back on board and lose 10 lbs. So this time I asked her if she would just do what I told her to do and try it for a month. She agreed. We've gone through this more than once so I was SHOCKED when she actually followed through.. okay she didn't the first week but she did the second week and lost three pounds.
My mom is a classic emotional eater.. uses food to self medicate really... and she is a binge eater so some of the things that I do we had to cut out of her plan in order to keep her from sabotaging. Typically I'm a big believer in treats, but my mom can't have a box of chocolates or a freezer full of cookie dough and have just one. I am fortunate that this isn't my eating MO! So here is what I told her. I wanted her to weigh everything and count calories whenever possible... even when she thinks she knows them double check. (In the past she has been big on telling me "I know how many calories are in ____" ...well that's great... I do too but I measure and weigh to be sure I'm accurate. Let's face it you are only going to lose weight if you know exactly how much you are eating... *thinking* you know is how you got where you are! I wanted her to eat a 300 calorie breakfast... not one freaking banana cause she's not really hungry... "but I guess you were hungry 2 hours later when you had to get lunch at Taco Bell... eat the damn breakfast!" (Yes this is really how we talk to each other) So she is essentially to follow my plan minus the dessert, she says she doesn't need it. So she's eating 300, 100, 300, 100, 400.. or there abouts and yes I know it is 1200 calories, she is 55 and her metabolism is shot! I also wanted her to workout for at least an hour a day preferably an hour and a half. Boy oh boy did she balk at that. But I said, as I have many times, "what you have been doing hasn't worked I really think you need to exercise a lot to pick up your metabolism."

She attempted to submit some dieting clauses... these may sound familiar:

#1 "I Can't Do That"
As for the longer exercise she gave every excuse imaginable... including that the dogs get too tired after 45 minutes... the dogs?!?! "Drop the damn dogs off at home and keep walking!"... "Oh" she said.... I'm serious about the exercise folks, 45 minutes is not enough, try kicking out 60 plus minutes of cardio 5 times a week and you will see HUGE results.

#2 "What About A Day Off"
"You don't think you deserve a weekend off after a good week" My mom asked. "What?! stop messing with me mom!" I shouted into the phone. "I'm not...I'm serious" she said sheepishly. "NO I don't!" I retorted... You see it is something as simple as thinking you deserve a reward for being good that is indicitive of a sabotager. Your reward for being good is not being fat! If you allow yourself to earn treats... you are going to earn your way to one thing... your old goddamn lifestyle. Weight loss will only work if you change the way think about your relationship with food.

#3 "I Can't Start Today..."
Then she told me she couldn't start right away because she had a whole bunch of food in the garden. "Throw it out" "I will not throw it out I can't throw out perfectly good food" "Mom when you are a financially stable overweight woman you are still throwing it out... you are just throwing it in your gut instead of the trash" (light bulb moment people... take it in) I then told her to give it to a food pantry which she agreed she could do.

In the end she took notes and agreed to try it my way for the next month. Okay so her first week she was still challenging me... what else is new? Then she came to my house and noticed how much thinner I am now and said "I want a piece of that" went home and sucked it up and tried it my way... and what do you know?... boom... three pounds lighter! Let me just say this, I am incredibly proud of my mom. She sabotages herself for a living... and it is deep rooted! She said after she weighed in (only once a week) she was so elated and felt so proud that when she went to play bridge (a temptation disaster waiting to happen) she stopped on the way and had a double hamburger (330 cal) so she wouldn't be hungry and she could be in control of her calorie intake. This was a huge victory for her, typically she would skip lunch and then figure she could have all the snacks to make up for it. This time she felt in control and didn't give into the snacky temptations and left there feeling better than ever. Once you get going it is an upward spiral... control begets control. Try it! If my mom can do it you can do it. Give it one week. You can do anything for one week. This is not starvation... this is not impossible.. this is accounting for what you eat and exercising... that is all.

Style Why Do You Elude Me?

So while I was at the airport the other day wearing these...


I knew they weren't fitting right when I had to hold on to 'em while I was running to keep them from falling off. But sweet jesus.. I looked really bad. It is kind of hard to tell from these pictures (hint: click on the pics for a better view) but the butt looked like a big empty jean sack you could have put at least one more butt into. And I know you are all like "oh boo frickin' hoo Mrs F!" well let me tell you it didn't look good. I looked FRUMPY.. like the very definition of frumpy. And to make matters worse we were flying on a weekday morning so every other woman was in some kind of fancy suit. So when we were in the car on our way home I said to Mr Furious while looking down at the jeans that were rippling in the front "God I look terrible in these". Mr F replies "What do you mean?" And so I pointed out the huge folds of fabric that bunched up while I sat there and told him about my bathroom mirror experience and he says "Yeah they don't really look that good"... Well thanks for the heads up! Thanks for letting me wear these all around two states! Jesus christ I looked like I was heading out to the barn!

So here I am in some better fitting jeans... see.. I look about 20 pounds thinner!


Unfortunately these are the only pants I have that fit. Today my mission is to go through all my boxed up pre-pregnancy clothes and try them on. I was watching Tim Gunn's Guide to Style the other night and realized I have indeed been to hard on Missus Smarty Pants. Essentially they suggest the same thing.. establishing a basic wardrobe of "must haves" and then only a few trendy pieces. In theory I by into this idea... but I don't wear "slacks" or little black dresses. I actually get defecated on...daily. I don't do "dry clean only". And I don't have a thousand dollars to put into clothes that will look like they have gone to war by the end of the season. And by war I do mean if you went war with the Oompa loompas. The point is most of my clothes I buy in bulk from Target and Old Navy. If something fits I buy it in every color and yes I realize this makes me look like a grownup in Garanimals. This is why I need help. It isn't like I look like a complete abomination... it is just that I don't look good either. So what is a practical stay-at-home mom to do if she wants to look stylish? I mean isn't there some type of in between look out there? Are my choices really looking like I do or like I'm heading for work in a law office? Sure I could go to J Crew or The Gap and buy an outfit... I'm not that helpless.... but I want to have my own actual style that is geared toward my body... and I honestly don't really know what that is.

Breaking News!

Holy Crap!

Mr Furious's car was stolen from our driveway last night!

Yes we left the keys in it... because.. we are lazy bastards.

So if anyone sees a Red 2001 Volvo S60 with a Kakistocracy bumper sticker contact the authorities.

You can read Mr Furious's take on it HERE.


**************************************************************************************************************************
UPDATE:
Mr F's car was found .. and in perfect condition no less... less than a mile away at an apartment complex. Seems this was a joyride after all. Mr F is actually a little bummed since he had already started online car shopping...
Of course the bastard still has a set of keys so we'll have to block his car in with mine every night!

Well Call Me Astounded!

With a fair amount of hesitancy I stepped on the scale this morning and REJOICE I am actually down another .2 pounds bringing me to my all time low of ...

What a relief! Let me tell you there is just a wee bit of pressure when you post your weight loss in such a public format! I was already thinking through how a little weight gain was just another challenge to post about... but I am thrilled that that can all stay hypothetical at this point!

As you know I was very nervous about venturing outside of my controlled food environment and then with not working out.. I was fully expecting to go up a little. So maybe my metabolism is finally picking up?! I didn't go hog wild... when everyone else were eating bagels I only had half...I didn't eat most of the side dishes... but I did eat plenty of cake! I managed to keep my food diaries going (all but the last day) with the best calorie guesses I could make and was eating about 400 calories more a day. This might be a weight I could maintain at after all.

As an interesting side note Mr Furious gained 4 pounds. And not that I root for his dieting demise but it just goes to show that I have acclimated to actually eating in appropriate portions and eating consciously. On our drive to the airport he actually shoved a Grands Biscuit into his face (I mean in like literally 2 bites people!) and then turned into a Dunkin Donuts and walked out with a Big 'Ol Blueberry muffin. I said to him "just because you shove something in your mouth doesn't make it calorie free... are you even hungry?" Mr F responded by flashing a sheepish grin. That is going to be his hardest habit to break... he is quick to reach for an immediate hunger solution but often makes an impulsive and unsatisfying choice and then still wants to eat something else.

I was just watching the Biggest Loser from the other day and there is a female contestant who gave in to a food temptation and was just jamming food down. She ate an entire cereal bar in one bite! True... that was extreme... but it did remind me of how a lot of people approach eating... especially Mr F! There are times when I'm about to serve dinner and he is reaching for a snack because he is crashing and can't contemplate waiting even 2 minutes for food. But you better believe he eats just as much at dinner 2 minutes later as he would have. Does this ring a bell with anyone? I used to be the same way... I just used soda as my quick fix. Now I eat about 6 times a day. I eat 300, 200, 300, 200, 400, 200 calorie meals or snacks in a typical day. I am rarely hungry and when I am ... I eat. I don't drink any calories except in my morning coffee.. and I have learned to have an energy bar in the car where I need it! I almost never *crash* anymore. And it really isn't hard to do this, you just need to find your treats and snacks and stick with them.. so you can stop sabotaging yourself.

We're Back!

Hey Mrs Furious what's that?

What this old thing?

That's right... it is my completely unpacked bag! I actually unpacked everything... and put it all away no less... within an hour of our return. This my friends has never happened before. The Furiouses typically leave our bags within steps of our back door and then dig threw them spewing their contents all around for DAYS... if not weeks... before we actually *unpack*. And even then often some weird shit is left in the bags until we get them out for our next trip.


Oh you didn't mean that.... you meant this....

That is the mother fucking llama that spit directly into my face yesterday! As if staying with my in-laws wasn't bad enough!

Ah... it is good to be home...

Sorry Guys!

It has been much harder than I imagined to use my in-laws computer (under the cloak of night no less) as I must do it with great speed so as not to have anyone find me and start reading over my shoulder! ;)

Let me just say I will be astounded if I have been able to maintain my weight while staying here. Number one I have not been able to exercise... I guess technically I have been able to, I just haven't. Like a complete nerd I even packed a jump rope thinking I might go all Rocky style on this place... but alas now it is just one more thing to shove around the bottom of my suitcase as I desperately try to find what remaining clothes I have left that Baby F hasn't peed, pooped or puked on!
Number two it has been eye opening to visit while on my "diet". My in-laws have a very bad diet... I mean literally tons of sugar and fat... very little vegetation (even by my standards) and they eat in a kind of feast or famine style through out the day. In the past I would just guzzle soda to try and ease myself through the famine portion of the day... now I have been really suffering having no quick fix and I feel like crap! If nothing else having to eat badly and irregularly has made me really appreciate how much better I feel when I am eating "my food" at home. I can't wait to get back into my usual routine!

See you all tomorrow with the return of my weekly menus and most likely some very interesting if not humorous weekend reviews!

Not Funny "Ha Ha"

So to understand the mental prison that I currently find myself in I will transcribe a conversation from this evening.

Mother-in-Law "Blah, blah, blah....broken oven....blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah.... 20 years ago.... blah, blah. Blah, blah... needed a repair man... blah, blah."

Mrs Furious (impersonating someone who gives a shit) replies "hmmm that's funny"

Mother-in-Law looks Mrs F in the eyes and says "No actually it wasn't."

How exactly do you even respond to that?
"Yeah I get that... apparently what you don't get is sarcasm, irony, disinterest, my goddamn comedic genius... but hey thanks for making me feel like an asshole!"

Mrs Furious Heartily Endorses...

Mike's Hard Berry ;)

Sure it's what puss babies drink.. what of it?!

And We Are Off

The Furious clan is packing up and shipping out. This is our first trip out to my in-laws since we had Baby Furious. So of course I spent about 2 hours trying on all my clothes and trying to decide which outfits I looked optimally thin in. I'm kind of afraid that my actual weight loss might not measure up to the hype... it is so hard to have any perspective when you see yourself everyday. All I know is that surprisingly few people ever say anything. But then I'm not a fair judge as I'm one of those annoying people who is always in your face with "You look GREAT.. what are you doing!?!" And then try and memorize what they say verbatim so I can Google all their dieting buzz words when I get home... "hmmm... what exactly is medical weight loss..."
I mean obviously I'm thinner, but some of these people haven't seen me since before I was in pregnant so they aren't going to be as impressed as they might have been if they had seen me like this.. Jesus Christ I look like The Beast!... (and yes I mean as in Beauty and The...) If they had seen me like this then they would all be like "Damn girl you look hot!" Okay... they are a bunch of Irish Catholics so they wouldn't actually say that... or anything (to me at least) even if they did notice...


Never fear I will try my best to post while on location in Connecticut.... God knows I'll need to vent ;)

Mrs Furious and Her Fashion Quest Continues

Well I got my next Missus Smarty Pants newsletter today. I almost didn't even want to open it, but hell I needed a laugh... and boy did I get one! This week the clothes are from La Redoute an online store I have never even heard of. That made me a little nervous. Missus Smarty Pants recommends I buy this shirt. But that is not what is funny. What almost made me spit my hot chocolate all over my computer is the shirt that La Redoute "suggests" in the upper right hand corner (you can see it better here). My nursing baby would surely appreciate this top.. but can you just imagine me showing up at preschool in that! And I mean as it is featured people.... now that is freaking hilarious and worth every penny I spent on this thing!


Disclaimer:
I know a lot (okay like 5!) people have been hitting my site from Googling Missus Smarty Pants.. and I feel bad that I have been bashing her site. You might love her site. You will especially love it if you are a hooker or are over 50. I didn't mean to go there again but in case you forgot she did recommend this top too! And that is not to say women over 50 want to look like hookers... I mean that she seems to have a split personality. If you are over 50 I might go so far as to say I highly recommend her.

It's A Munity

"I'm gonna move the line" Kid Furious announced
"No you're not... because that line is there so I don't kill people" Mrs Furious warns

I had clearly underestimated Baby Furious and Kid Furious, as they are small but wily, and I was quickly overtaken...


I have been overthrown in a meticulously planned coup!


I have been warned not to cross this fortified line (now why didn't I think of that?) and yes that is the international "No Mrs Furious" symbol.